Zippy's 3+ Year Recovery

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Zippy, Jan 11, 2015.

  1. sonofJack

    sonofJack I deserve self-respect

    Stay stubborn Zip! I have to agree with you about not feeling much different. About the only noticeable difference with me is that my ability to procrastinate is really starting to suffer. I was once all pro at putting shit off. '

    Keep doing what you're doing (and not doing what you're not doing).
    Zippy likes this.
  2. Zippy

    Zippy Member

    :D A Subtle, but major difference, especially in terms of keeping our wives happy.
  3. Zippy

    Zippy Member

    A while since my last check-in. Still strongly with the program but a 24 hour relapse on Feb 27th/28th to report, due, I will add, to insanely excruciating circumstances that would be beyond my belief had I not lived through them. Not that the dust has yet settled! I laugh when I see my previous post, as keeping my wife happy was obviously something I thought I was managing. I was very wrong. Currently on a 140+ day streak of hard mode since 1st March while in the process of divorcing my wife.
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2017
  4. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear about all the shit you went through and are still dealing with. Staying clean will only help you, as you already know. Life can really throw us some curves.
  5. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Wow man, glad to hear from you, Zippy, and glad that you survived a major H-Bomb. Keep on rolling.
  6. Zippy

    Zippy Member

    Thanks gents, it's good to be back, though I've still been reading a little here. I'll add the synopsis of my forthcoming book "I Married a Psychopath" soon. ;)
  7. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Let it out here, man...we'll listen. Keep on the straight and narrow!
  8. Zippy

    Zippy Member

    Phew .. been away for a week. Ok, back in January I refused a house move that my wife wanted. Business wasn't brilliant and my wife was telling me the family would be better off (financially) without me, due to her command of the benefits system. Late February she sleep deprived me for a week then rang mental health in an attempt to get me hauled off by men in white coats. A meeting was arranged in which I would have basically been in a trial situation with 3 mental health people and my wife. I didn't like the prospect of that, so on 1st March I left and escaped to my parents' house 200 miles away until I had initiated a divorce to stop her having any more say over me with mental health. When I returned on 5th April, to try and salvage my business (music teacher from home) while she was due to go away for 2 weeks, I was arrested on false allegations of rape filed March 28th!

    I was lucky to be able to come up with a stack of evidence to show the allegations were a pack of lies, but it took the police 3 and a half months to get round to investigating the computers of mine they'd seized, so it was all hanging over me for a long time before they ceased the investigation.

    In the meantime my wife has stopped me having any contact with my 5 kids, imposing impossible terms and now a restraining order, and I'm living out of room in a friend's house. Still standing though, and the worst is out of the way. I've learned a lot this year!
  9. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Dang Zippy, that's rough. You'll get through it one step at a time.
  10. Zippy

    Zippy Member

    Thanks 4030, I'm ok, but there's a long road ahead.

    One saving grace was having this journal to present as evidence to the police to disprove my wife's claim in her statement to them that my use of porn was a factor in the alleged rapes. This was not something I ever expected to be sharing, but wasn't left with much choice. There's quite a lot of other stuff in here too that likely helped.

    It appears we're all only one lie from an angry woman away from having our whole lives totally f**ked over by the state. At least with the investigation out of the way I'm able to start pushing back a little now, but throw out any illusions of justice you may have, in that situation you are guilty until you prove yourself innocent. Oh, and of course, she needs *zero* evidence to put you in that situation.
  11. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    The laws of the state in western democracies favor women way more than men, it's one of the reasons our society is going to shit. I don't blame women, I blame the laws and the cultural engineers who have created this monstrosity of a post-modern society.

    You'll pull through ok, man.
    devnull likes this.
  12. Zippy

    Zippy Member

    You're dead right there. Am just watching this one .. some politically incorrect truth from a guy who pulls no punches.

  13. Caesura

    Caesura Member

    It does sound like you were treated unfairly by the system, but I have to disagree with your generalizing here. Women get treated far more unfairly overall.

    When women report they've been raped, abused, or stalked, the police will sometimes just laugh and say, "You'll be back with him in no time." If they do manage to get it to court, the judge and jury will often think, "She was asking for it."

    Really, it can be a catch-22; if a woman wears pretty, revealing clothing, they'll say she was asking for it, but if she wears very modest clothing they'll say, "No one would have raped her if she was wearing that."

    A lot of rapists get acquitted, or receive short sentences like Brock Turner. The sheer fact that women have to schedule their lives to avoid getting raped (don't get caught alone after dark) shows how sexist our society is.

    I'm not gonna get into a lengthy discussion about this. It would derail your journal. I just wanted to say my piece and move on. I'm not even denying that men sometimes get treated unfairly for being men.

    I'm not saying feminists are always right, either.

    I think the real lesson you should take from this is, the justice system is incompetent in multifarious ways, and can't be trusted to do justice to anyone.
    Last edited: Aug 13, 2017
  14. Abc

    Abc The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Jeez, Zippy, you've been through the ringer and are still standing tall - Kudos to you, Bro:)

    If it doesn't kill us, it will definitely make us stronger. Keep up your excellent efforts:)
  15. Zippy

    Zippy Member

    Caesura, I'd probably have agreed with what you say six months ago. Having seen it first hand and consequently spending a lot of time looking deeply into this subject I now view things very differently. As I said above, I've learned a lot this year!

    NCBob, Thanks! Happy to be still standing and I believe my leaving porn behind has been a big factor in making it through relatively unscathed. Trying to deal with all that while self-medicating to excess would not have been good. I actually presented my journal here to the police. Not something I ever expected to be sharing, but there was some corroborating evidence in here.
  16. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Currently the laws and the culture are in favor of females way more than males, if you want to continue this discussion I'd be happy to shoot you some links and information. More men are raped than women, in prison for example. Real rape...not I was drunk and now I'm ashamed of what I did, real rape.

    "More men are raped in the U.S. than woman, according to figures that include sexual abuse in prisons. In 2008, it was estimated 216,000 inmates were sexually assaulted while serving time, according to the Department of Justice figures. That is compared to 90,479 rape cases outside of prison."

    Does this show we live in a female dominate, sexist society?

    You know what a judge and jury are thinking inside their heads? Tell me more about this super power.

    Women are generally smaller and weaker than men biologically, they will always be in danger of being over powered by a man in any society, this does not prove we live in a sexist society. This is feminist propaganda.

    Turn it around...older people are weak and frail and shouldn't be out after dark lest they be easily robbed, isn't it awful that they have to schedule their lives around not getting robbed, we live in an agist society??

    It's called using common sense.

    You can twist the words and groups around to fit any purpose of your choosing. The fact is we all have to avoid physical dangers according to various factors, we all need to know which areas are safe and which areas are not so safe. This is called living in the physical world.

    If you really believe the justice system cannot do justice to anyone, if you really believe that...then you should become an anarchist and tear this corrupt society down by any means necessary.

    But, let's not derail Zippy's thread, if you want to talk about this subject more come by my journal. I'm happy to debate.
    Zippy likes this.
  17. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    That's rough what you've been through. Congrats, though, on seeing things clearly and dealing with it all in a mature, confident, way. It's sad what other people can be capable of, especially when they are family - that's why the journey is about us, and us alone. It's wonderful to share our lives with others, but taking care of ourselves is always the best way forward.
  18. Zippy

    Zippy Member

    Thanks Saville, good to see you again. Wish I could get my damned counter back but it's not working. Clean since 1st March, so approaching six months in total monk mode!
    40New30 likes this.
  19. ananoman

    ananoman Active Member

    Stay strong Zippy!! BTW- I am a fellow musician but I do it as a hobby.
    Zippy likes this.

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