Something slightly weird, been away with the kids staying with the in-laws for a few days. Friday night (day 237) I had a wet dream. What's really strange is that this is the first one of my life at the age of 48! Had had sex 2 days prior, so it's not like the pipes were overflowing. Their house is in the middle of nowhere, so maybe the fresh country air had something to do with it. Just bizarre.
That is weird. I'm starting to think that M has a greater effect on the sexual system than was thought, not just the orgasm, but the stimulation itself. I never had a wet dream before in my life (early masturbator), but I could definitely see this happening to me at some point. Also, gotta agree that country air does something.
A year clean. Not so much as a stroke or peek. Not much to report really, no superpowers, and don't think I feel any healthier. However, there is satisfaction in having kept the demons at bay, though i know I'm a single slip away from being quickly back to rock bottom. The secrets of my success? Truly deciding to beat my addiction, and keeping ever-mindful of how I felt the last time I slipped. Breaking the habits of a lifetime and scrolling quickly past or turning mentally away from any triggers. Checking in here regularly, to read if not to post. EDIT: And having the 3 way counter. I'd vowed to record the slightest stumble, and didn't want to spoil any of the 3 numbers as they ticked up. Here's to the next year!
Zippy, Congrats on the trifecta of one year! That is inspiring to read. I was reading some of your posts when I looked down at the counter and saw the 365 and was like, Wow, nice!
I think a three way counter may be a good idea for me too. I've been clean of PMO, but edging and porn still catch me every now and again. Congrats on one year, Zippy.
500 up, nothing different on the relevant battle, but on a different note ... After long run debate, my wife finally allowed me to buy a Berkey water filter. Now I've been a coffee lover for 35 years, more recently keeping it to one each morning, properly brewed in a caffetiere, lots of milk and sugar. Tasted great with the cleaner water. Until 12 days in. I made my usual morning brew and it tasted like crap. I put it down the sink and haven't had any since. I still got the physical withdrawal symptoms (I've quit a couple of times before, so recognise them well), but had absolutely no interest in going back ie. no mental withdrawal symptoms. I hadn't even been thinking about giving coffee up, so this was right out of the blue. I bet there's a lesson in there somewhere regarding porn use too, but I'm not able to join the dots at this point to see the full picture.
I've read anecdotal stories that all addictions can more easily spawn other addictions, perhaps the ease of quitting has to do with how well you've been doing without porn for so long? Perhaps. I switched to green tea, digging it.
I can relate. I've given up booze for this PMO thing. Couple of weeks ago I even gave up sugar. Hope it helps.
Another year, still couldn't say I feel any different to the man I was 2 years ago. Self analysis is difficult. No flicker of desire to go back there nonetheless, for me the biggest tangible boon is the amount of time not wasted chasing the fix. Averaging marital sex once a week still, and the difference in that regard is immense, so much healthier than in my early 30s when we first got together (I'll be 50 next year). If I had a single piece of wisdom to focus on, it would be to view porn (*and* masturbation) as a drug, plain and simple.
Great song with a powerful sentiment. Introspection can often just be taking our own inventory. I was very much in the camp that the "unexamined life was not worth living," but now I have no desire to examine my life. I believe love is an action. I believe miracles are a matter of inches and so though we transform ourselves we remain ourselves. You see, we were always OK to begin with. This is the most powerful message we get from staying away from PMO, the fact that we are already worthy. Yup.
Is it possible to realise this before going down into the abyss? What if someone had warned us beforehand? Would we have done anything differently? I'd bet not, that this is the sort of lesson we had to learn for ourselves as early adopters of online porn. Now, regarding the current and next generations, the information is out there and backed up by the experiences of many on sites like this. Will that change things I wonder?
I suppose, in some alternate reality, if we had been shown during our formative years that we were OK, then we would never have been drawn to sex addiction and P. Hopefully we can be the pioneers who pave the way for young men to feel whole. Being healthy can have ripple effects beyond our own families. Your fortitude has inspired me and I've gained a lot from your journal.
Zipmeister! I can't think of anything sarcastic to say, so I'll just be honest: you're one of my heroes here. Stay strong, my friend!
Hehe, thanks Guy. Don't know about any heroics, I'm just a stubborn bastard. You've shown that you're stubborn enough to keep fighting back too. Looking forward to our continued progress in the coming year. A Merry Christmas to you and to all on this board!
