Zen67 Journal

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Zen67, Aug 15, 2013.

  1. Zen67

    Zen67 Member

    Third attempt at no MO and made it through 3 plus days. I've had MW the last 3 mornings. It is like being a teenager to wake up to MW.
  2. Zen67

    Zen67 Member

    Well here I am again at 4 days of no MO. 6 days is my record so far. I will see how this goes and try and see if this is my new record. I am still trying to get to 30 days. Every day, all day I have too not think about it or tell myself no, I will hold out.
  3. Zen67

    Zen67 Member

    Woohoo that was a close one. Was in the shower and did the old "I wonder if I can get an erection" test. Well I got a very nice rock hard erection. It was not easy but I stopped before I O'd. My motivation was trying to get pass my 6 day record and make it to 10 days. The next 5 days won't be easy.
  4. Zen67

    Zen67 Member

    No MO is still a challenge. When on a date. Had a good time and a good night kiss. Is that a trigger too?
  5. Zen67

    Zen67 Member

    Last night had a vivid dream. Woke up with a raging erection right before I was going to O in the dream. Only had a small amount in my boxers.

    I am at 3 days and my goal is 10 days.
  6. mcbc_rewired

    mcbc_rewired Active Member

    Hello Zen67

    Welcome. Hows things going?
  7. Zen67

    Zen67 Member

    As of this morning, Ok I guess. On another attempt to go longer without MO then before. So far 6 days is my record. Tonight I will hit the 6 day mark once more. I am trying to get to 10 days on Sunday. I would not say I have a huge P addiction but an not MO-ing has been a challenge. Back when I PMO'd it was when I MO'd and P just intensified the experience and helped with my ED. Now the ED seems not as bad. Not perfect either. MW seems to be a regular thing which was not the norm in the past. I feel like I am in a constant state of arousal. It like every day I feel like I was in bed with a woman touching and feeling and then she abruptly leaves and I am left with blue balls which never goes away. I do have a lot more energy and I am sleeping well once I do get to sleep. I also feel more confident and feel more aggressive.

    Just a random thought at 615 AM EST.

    Thanks for asking!!!
  8. Buckaroo

    Buckaroo New Member

    Hi Zen67.

    I wanted to let you know that your journal helped me this morning.

    I'm taking my very first steps on this path and am approaching day six at no PMO and no MO.

    I'm lost in all the lingo, not sure I've got my counter working properly and am grateful for the support of others who are much farther down this road than either of us. Reading your journal after putting the latest entry in mine was quite the tonic.

    So please know that your writing helped me get through a rocky start to my day.
  9. Zen67

    Zen67 Member

    Glad I could inspire you Libido.

    I was actually coming on to update my tracker. Again the 6 day clock has got me again. I can admit I feel no shame. Every attempt not to MO has been torture right up to the 6th day. It is like taking a pain killer when I MO after abstaining for 6 days. So I start another attempt. I do not plan to give up until I have gone 30 days

    Best of luck!!!
  10. Buckaroo

    Buckaroo New Member

    I just got to Day 6 -- and it was the hardest yet. I hope that tomorrow is easier on me.

    We're all in this together. No reason for shame.
  11. Zen67

    Zen67 Member

    Thanks for the supportive words, Libido! Let me know if you made it to Day 7 and what you did to get there. At Day 4 and 5 I was literally putting an ice pack down there. Cold showers did not seem enough.

    I also want to add I feel so calm and relaxed this morning. Day 6 here I go again.
  12. Buckaroo

    Buckaroo New Member

    Good luck!

    Yesterday, day six, was just a mad roller coaster ride. I took it hour by hour and had many meetings at work. At night, I read YBR journals to feel the sense of community. I wrote a more detailed entry in my journal about how I got to this point.

    I slept moderately well. This morning I feeling somewhat depressed again. After a day on an endless roller coaster ride of surges, maybe that's not too bad.

    Good luck to you today.
  13. Zen67

    Zen67 Member

    Closing in another day 3 of no MO. Looking back 3 days was rare especially before 40.

    Tonight I have a date. Normally I would hope for sex even if it is the first date. Now I am just looking forward to meeting my date face to face and talking. We have had great phone calls. I am willing to wait. I would like to still meet my goal of 30 days of no MO before anything happens. I believe it will be better and possibly I may not need Cialis.

    For the record, I will take Cialis before we meet. Just in case the night does go there. Just being honest since this is a very supportive group.
  14. Zen67

    Zen67 Member

    Last night was my first PIV experience since eliminating porn and limiting my MO. It had a significant difference as I found out last night. I feel very confident about myself. I enjoyed talking to my date the whole night. And the Cialis worked very well. I say that because before I found YBR and YBOP even the Cialis was not working as well as it did last night. I look forward to one day being in relationship where I can test myself without using Cialis.

    The journey continues.

    Again I want to say thanks for support I have received here.
  15. Buckaroo

    Buckaroo New Member

    Fantastic! I'm having a rough day today and was wondering how things went for you last night. I look forward to accomplishing what you have and perhaps having a similar experience. That gives me hope. I'm so happy for you!!!
  16. Zen67

    Zen67 Member

    Libido, I continue to appreciate your support.

    It is amazing what I have been going through by simply not watching porn and limiting my MO. I feel better about myself then I have in 5 years when I started dealing with ED. There was a medical reason for the ED but it drove me to porn. Hell I have even been sleeping better and have stopped taking Ambien. The ultimate goal is sex without taking Cialis. Then I know my ED is cured. For now, sex is much better even with taking Cialis.

    I can see you have dedication to your goals. You keep coming back here not only for support, but to give support. There is no doubt you will get where you need to be. I forward to reading your posts of your positive changes.

    Post here or message me whenever you need to.
  17. Buckaroo

    Buckaroo New Member

    I find it easier to turn of MO than it has been to avoid porn.

    I draw so much support from reading other journals (especially yours) and recognize that when we write what we are going through we help ourselves and others that may read our thoughts.

    We need to celebrate the successes of our brothers -- and man, yours is huge!

    It's a rainy day at home for me, the house is empty and the temptations are beyond huge.

    You helped me today more than you can appreciate. I was so close to throwing in the towel.

    Anyways, thanks and again, congrats.
  18. Zen67

    Zen67 Member

    Awaken with MW again! It's an awesome feeling. It was about 60%.

    Other times I have had 100%, but I don't over think how hard I am or am not. It is what it is.

    I've had more MW in the last month then I have had in the 5 years when I starting dealing with ED. I was not expecting MW this morning after having enjoyed PIV twice on Saturday.

    On a different note my Saturday night date must have enjoyed herself. She invited me over for dinner on Sunday and had hinted about more PIV. What this means to me is it will be 8 days between O-ing. My pass attempts not to MO has only lasted 6 days max. It will be an incentive not to MO, but may be torture from day 5 on.
  19. Buckaroo

    Buckaroo New Member

    Wow, that's great. I'm in a very dark place this morning. Trying to see the light. Your entries give me some hope, but I'm really down right now.
  20. Zen67

    Zen67 Member

    Made it through the night NOT MOing. I admit having PIV Saturday night helped some but I had the chaser effect and really felt the urge last night. I actually laid in bed taking deep breaths to relax myself. Some may call it meditation but what ever it was it worked. This morning I feel nice and calm.

    Now on to another day.

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