Zeddd's Journal

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Zeddd, Aug 11, 2013.

  1. readyfornewlife

    readyfornewlife New Member

    Thank you Zeddd, appreciate the support. The long distance thing is tough but reunions are amazing. My man is very openly gay and has helped me to become more open. We hold hands everywhere we go which I enjoy. We do get few looks now and then but that's okay. About a month ago, we went to Gay Pride in las vegas. It was fun but the strangest thing happened. We were standing holding each other watching the live entertainment and dancing a little when suddenly this young women came up to us and says, you two are so cute can I take your picture. It was fun. My man has helped me to be more comfortable with the gay thing, I was always very private about it before and now I thinking about coming out at work. All my coworkers know I have a new friend in another city they just don't know he is a man. We met 9 months ago at a gay bar. It had been so many years since I'd been in a gay bar that I sat in the car outside and debated about going in. I'm glad I did now... How did you meet you the man your seeing? Are you two close in age?

    Congrats on > 50 days!!!!!

  2. lmartyw

    lmartyw Guest

    Hey Zeddd,

    Haven't heard from you since your last post about MO after talking to the boyfriend on the phone. How are you? Doing OK?

    I'm kind of in a dull time right now, but OK. Not complaining. Sometimes I wonder if I should MO.

    Well, take care Buddy.
  3. Zeddd

    Zeddd New Member

    Coming up on 60 Days...
    I haven't posted in about a week, mostly because I have a couple of things going on physically.

    First, I've had a terrible cold for about a week and it's still got me coughing and feeling spent. I was supposed to see my long-distance BF this weekend, but didn't want to chance giving him the cold. Plus, I wouldn't have been great company. That was a real disappointment, because we don't have the chance to see each other that often as it is. And, I was looking forward to another rewiring experience with him (and seeing the impact of the MO 9 days ago on my sexual performance). So, it will be at least 2 more weeks before I see him again. Bummer.

    Second, I have a distal fibula fracture. It started out as a hairline crack, but last week the x-ray showed it had progressed to a full fracture. So, I've got to wear a brace/boot up to my knee for 6 weeks. That got me a little down. Good news is, unlike a cast, I can take off the brace off to drive and to sleep. So, can still get to work, the gym, etc.

    Sexually, my libido has been low over the past week (which hopefully is due to the cold). No urges to MO or look at porn or PMO whatsoever.

    So, generally, not a very good week. But, hey, that's life. Sometimes things aren't so great, sometimes they are. The great thing is, I'm dealing with it just fine without porn!
  4. LOGOS

    LOGOS Personal Best - 233 Days PMO-free

    Excellent. Here, of course, is where the real rebooting happens: dealing with everyday frustrations and disappointments (and some extraordinary ones) without resorting to porn. Good going!
  5. lmartyw

    lmartyw Guest


    Sure glad to hear from you. Wasn't worried, just wanted to know how you were.

    I sorry to hear about the fracture. You can't make much of a fashion statement with that cast on your leg! At least you can take it off.

    I also wanted you to know that I had a cold about 1 month into the reboot, and I lost every little bit of libido that I had. I was emotionally and physically spent and all I wanted to do was get well, so your feeling or lack thereof are probably normal.

    Thanks for the Kudos on my social efforts. I am learning ....

    Oh ... and I feel for you not getting to see he beau.
  6. Giles

    Giles Member

    Sorry to hear about your fracture Zeddd - I hope the healing process passes quickly.

    Congratulations on reaching 60... Onwards and upwards!
  7. Zeddd

    Zeddd New Member

    Day 65 no P/PM/PMO

    Feeling better this week now that my cold is finally gone. Still dealing with the leg fracture. Five more weeks in the brace. I feel like adding a counter for that! It still hurts at times. I hope that's normal and that it's healing like it should. I try not to let myself worry about it, but it's on my mind a lot.

    My sex drive is back to what feels like a normal level--I'm really happy about that! The first 50 days it was pretty much absent. I allowed myself to MO a couple of days ago. It was easy to get a rock hard erection thinking about being with the guy I've been seeing long distance. No chaser effect or brain fog or other negative repercussions as far as I can tell. It's hard to explain, but the orgasm wasn't like those when I was PMOing. I was pleasant but I didn't have that dopamine rush feeling. It was more a physical release. I've decided that if I'm not having sex with someone on a regular basis, I'm going to allow myself to MO once a week or so. At this point, for me personally, I don't believe it will negatively affect the rebooting/rewiring process. We'll see.

    Given that the long distance thing is more like a friend with occasional benefits, I'm ready to explore meeting other people. Sexually, I feel confident that things would go well. Unfortunately, with my leg in a brace that's not really an option right now. So, I'm sort of in limbo. Hopefully, I'll see my long distance friend in the next week or two.

    Socially, I now have a group of friends that I have dinner with every Saturday. It's an eclectic group of all ages. It's nice to have a regular social outlet and feel connected again!

    So, overall I'm still seeing incremental benefits of no PMO every single week. I'm able to deal with life challenges without escaping to porn, I'm establishing a social network, and I'm more ready than ever to date and connect with another man.

    Have a great weekend everyone. Stay strong. It's worth it!
  8. lmartyw

    lmartyw Guest

    Wow Zeddd, What a great post. Your attitude is confident and grateful.

    I'm happy for the:
    Cold being over,
    Rock Hard Erection, (and that you were thinking about your beau)
    Balanced way you are looking at MO especially since you are having sex occasionally,
    You weekly social outlet,
    ...and that you're seeing the benefits!

  9. gomaki

    gomaki 26 y/o gay dude trying his best.

    Like Astro Boy, I find your process really inspiring and motivating to stay on track. Really awesome to hear your erection was full strength and purely based on thoughts of the guy you've been seeing. Also great to hear about your sexual confidence! That's something else that I'm really hoping improves for me as well. Anyway, just glad to see some positive developments! : )
  10. Zeddd

    Zeddd New Member

    Day 69
    Thanks for the nice remarks AB and Gomaki!

    Not much to report since my last entry. Work is really busy right now, but manageable. I'll be seeing my long distance friend this weekend. I'm really looking forward to it. This will be the first time with him since my libido returned to "normal". So, I'm thinking the sex will be great! Just gotta be careful with my broken leg :) That said, I'm trying to keep my expectations in check because we all know that recovery isn't linear. Whatever happens, happens.

    Hope everyone is having a great week. Stay strong. It's worth it!
  11. lmartyw

    lmartyw Guest

    I just love your positive, yet balanced and realistic approach to life and the reboot. Many of the thing you write really stick with me, and I just wanted you to know that. I also just noticed that your counter is on "69" ... maybe it a sign for the weekend! ;D

    Have fun and I look forward to hearing about the weekend if you choose to share.

    I believe you said you can take off the cast if need be, and hope that is the case if you get intimate.
  12. Zeddd

    Zeddd New Member

    Thanks for the positive props, AB! I posted on day 69 on purpose...and you noticed! Ha! And trust me, the cast is coming off a couple of times this weekend ;) I'll def report back after the weekend.
  13. lmartyw

    lmartyw Guest

    Oh Man that's GREAT! Your post made me smile and laugh!
  14. Heya Zeddd, just checking in. Hope you're well! Thinking of you, brother.
  15. lmartyw

    lmartyw Guest

    Hey Zeddd,

    For some reason I stopped getting post from journals I was subscribed to, and thought that might be the reason I hadn't heard from you, but now coming to your journal, I see you haven't posted. I believe the last time I read about your, you were going to visit your "out of town" boyfriend and you were still wearing your cast, but knew you'd be taking it off a coupled of time on the visit. :)

    Oh well, how are you? I do hope all is well.

    I reached my birthday goal of 117 days, but haven't reset a counter yet; still haven't decided what to do yet.

    Well .... I look forward to hearing from you sometime.


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