Thank you to Bohhissatva, anonymous, Giles, Apuleius, midge and others for your kind words of support. I have no doubt that without your messages of encouragement I would not still be here trying again. I will be honest and say that I still don't know why I am here - I don't know what I can hope for as hope is something I lost a long time ago. So I am doing this based on faith in what you say that this journey will lead to a better place. I guess I am aware that I feel sorry for myself and that I need to get over that and move on, but at the same time I don't accept that everyone here is in the same situation. Yes, we have something in common, but each of our situations is unique. I am not saying I deserve special treatment or accolades but please don't tell me I am just like everyone else and I just need to get over it. You never 'just get over' child abuse. Having said that I do comprehend that dwelling on the past is not a way forward. I don't know of any way to get closure on what has happened, but I do know that I can't let it rent space in my head. Sometimes it's like the song is on a loop and whilst I can't wipe the recording I can press stop so it doesn't play over and over endlessly.