Your lowest point? (ROCK-BOTTOM) [TRIGGER WARNING]

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Stopper, May 17, 2012.

  1. Panonymos

    Panonymos Humility is a virtue

    I was 19. Second year university. My life was so bad, PMOing all the time, depression, etc.. you get the picture. I thought the best way to die would be to jump off a tall building, like my student flat balcony. This way I would fly before I die. Yeah, go out flying!
    Stood on the balcony for a good while. But I could not do that to my family and friends. And also I chickened out of course.
    So, what do you do? Roll a joint and PMO some more. Takes the pain away.
    That I think was my lowest point ever.

    EDIT: Porn did not do this. Porn (+weed + alcohol) was my drug to cope and porn made it definitely worse and got me to that point.
     
  2. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    I did that too! Except it was chicken. The house was engulfed in smoke so thick you couldn't see through it. My mom arrived soon after and got batshit mad at me.

    I was 23 at the time so I guess I "win"? Lol.
     
  3. Lion

    Lion Well-Known Member

    Wow Cid, you and I are almost down to the hour the same with our new streaks. Let's do this.
     
  4. kk76

    kk76 New Member

    Lowest point? Living with loads of guilt about lying and deceiving people and not being able to tell them the truth, that's the part that sticks with me the most.

    For me to stay away from MO/PMO then I always believed I had to find enough self respect and love to value myself to not want to do those things any more and that has never been there. This site has made me realize that in order to get some self esteem back then I need to stop the MO/PMO in order for that to happen. Chicken and the egg scenario but the first way I tried doing it didn;t work. So grin and bear the rough times and build up some decent sexual sobriety and see where it goes from there.

    It's the load of guilt that I live with that is my worst point - looking at people and telling them everything is OK when it isn't.
     
  5. King of ED

    King of ED New Member

    Some sad story's in this post..i hope everyone is finding the strength to overcome their struggles, dunno bout you'all but i spend like an hour a day on this forum which helps..anyhow, gl ppl
     
  6. Panonymos

    Panonymos Humility is a virtue

    Yes, this is a depressing and some times a funny thread. But we should not forget our lowest points. We should cherish our suffering as it made us the great men we are today. :)
     
  7. Panonymos

    Panonymos Humility is a virtue

    I also have a funny story. We were 17 I think. We were 3 guys at the house of a friend. His parents went out, it was during the day. We thought we have a few hours. We smoked a joint and put on a porn video (VHS at the time). We jerked off in the living room and we had just finished. I came in my hand and walked with dick in hand in the hallway to the bathroom. The moment I get in the bathroom I hear the front door open and his mothers voice talking. I think to my self.. this can not be happening!
    We had just turned off the porno. You could still smell the weed in the living room. I clean my self quickly, get out of the bathroom (stoned and just orgasmed) and see his parents.
    "What are you guys doing here?" - "Nothing"
    If she had walked in 5 seconds earlier she would have seen me with my dick in my hand full of jizz walking in the hallway.
    Me and the other friend had to leave all of a sudden!
     
  8. steve2006

    steve2006 No Ragrats

    Did you jerk off in front of each other?
     
  9. Panonymos

    Panonymos Humility is a virtue

    Yeah sure. We did this a lot. Only with a few very good friends of course. Each his own dick.
    It is quite common. It's called mutual masturbation.
     
  10. Well, I haven't really hit what I consider to be rock bottom caused by porn addiction, but I do consider myself at the lowest point I've ever been in before when it comes to unhappiness and depression.
     
  11. Axeblue

    Axeblue New Member

    Well, I saw this somewhat old thread and thought I can probably still add a few things(hopefully useful).

    To be technically accurate(and posting here so that you do not use the term incorrectly in the future :) ), mutual masturbation refers to two (or more?) people giving hand job/fingering each other at the same time (see link https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Non-penetrative_sex#Mutual_masturbation)

    The think you mention can be called group masturbation, though I do not know if there is a specific term for when people keep their hands to themselves. I have heard it happening, especially for group porn viewing. I have been part of 2-3 group porn viewing sessions when in high-school or very early in college, but no-one opened their zippers. However I did once had another guy coax me into comparing dicks etc (no mutual touch), but that was just teenage curiosity. Never really thought I would ever not be hetero-sexual, and that has been true throughout - not that there is anything wrong with being gay, but just saying that just being naked with another guy does not make one gay, a scenario which I guess in fact happens in many college sports locker rooms.

    Talking of rock bottom moments myself, I do not think anything stands out particularly. There were embarrassing moments like my mom walking into me watching a porn video when I was 16 (thankfully was not fapping), or me literally pleading for a porn VHS from one of my more resourceful friends as around the same time. However the significant waste of time, energy and potential porn has been in my life, I guess I can probably say that the day before I started my reboot was the rock bottom. Hopefully I will escape hitting a low point in this respect.

    Thinking philosophically, I think life will have a lot of ups and downs and probably within 5,10 or 20 years from now, most of us will run into something which would make our current problems feel much smaller than what they feel right now. I am not trying to trivialize the current problem or the emotional turmoil OP will be in, but just trying to say that life happens and one has to brace themselves and bear everything that life throws at us, hopefully with our friends (whether offline ones or those on the internet) by our side to talk to us and share our pain.
     
  12. leonscottkennedy

    leonscottkennedy New Member

    I saw this thread and was probing my memories to see what could have been my lowest point and I found it. I haven't thought of this for so long that now that I do, I realise more than ever what a stupid thing it was to do.

    In middle school I fapped a few times during classes! I could just rub on my dick over my pants and get myself to orgasm without having to stroke it. Funny thing is no one really noticed. If someone gave a wtf look, I would just make it seem like I was moving my arms and legs out of boredom. It makes me sad to realise I've been dealing with PMO addiction for so long.
     
  13. Been there man, been there. I remember being in 7th grade Social Studies in the back corner just sitting there rubbing one out......I use to think no one saw, but looking back now people most definitely knew, haha. Ahhhh childhood memories.
     
  14. LookinForAnswers

    LookinForAnswers New Member

    My lowest point came when I was sneaking off at night to PMO while my wife ( who I was very much attracted to) was asleep or at work. Eventually I wasn't able to get an erection while having sex with her and she took this as me either cheating and/or not being attracted to her. We eventually divorced after being together for nearly 8 years (almost our entire 20's) and partly blame PMO. After this happened I started to look for answers and eventually found out about PIED..just wish it came sooner as this may have saved our marriage.
     
  15. Panonymos

    Panonymos Humility is a virtue

    I have also fapped in class in high school.
    When I was a teenager, I made it a sport to fap in all places. I fapped many times in the school toilets. Even left the class to go to the toilet for a quick fap sometimes.
    During my teenage years, I would ALWAYS fap when taking a flight. The lower atmospheric pressure gave me much easier erections. But those were not low points. That was fun back then.
     
  16. I don't know if i've hit rock bottom yet, but my life has really really gone down hill. Im a 18 year old guy, and most of my days are spent online browsing youtube or chatting/sexting with chicks on omegle, and all of that time wasted in-between bad porn binges. I think its just sad and funny how porn just gets more and more intense as we keep the addiction going. so here is my porn-genre addiction timeline.

    started at 14- basic female solo masturbation porn

    14-15: solo female masturbation and lesbian porn, and regular intercourse porn

    15-16 mostly still regular intercourse, also slowly got into oiled ass porn

    16-17: still watching the big ass/ oil porn, asian and latina, and finally anal

    17- present: now im watching mostly teen porn and hardcore teen deepthroat/ anal videos, this is barely getting me off any more but i don't want to escalate further

    so i think i've hit bottom but i dont know if i will go further, i really hope i don't but as you can see how porn escalates and gets worse and worse. Now everytime after i PMO my balls get really saggy and its kinda scary.
     
  17. leonscottkennedy

    leonscottkennedy New Member

    Looks like fapping in class is more common than I thought lol
     
  18. I also use to run off sometimes to the bathroom for a quick fap, especially during boring math class. While most boys were trying to get laid in as many different places as possible, we were MOing in as many places as possible.

    I wonder what the percentage is of guys who have done it. It was, I guess this is a little weird saying it, but it was almost good to hear a lot of other guys who did it in school. For the longest time I thought I was the only person who did it and it really made me self-concious. But hearing you guys share has helped that. Thank you.
     
  19. leonscottkennedy

    leonscottkennedy New Member

    I know, right. It feels good to know I'm not the only one who did it. Maybe we should make a poll to see how many people on these forums fapped in school :D
     
  20. Blackguycarl

    Blackguycarl New Member

    My absolutely lowest point, my rock bottom, was at university. I spent my entire term in my room watching porn. Literally nothing else. I barely slept. I'd run to grab food, then come back and continue to game. I didn't socialize with anyone and I felt terribly alienated and lonely the entire time. My eyes were bloodshot, I was horribly depressed, suicidal, I hated myself and everyone else around me, I thought I was a worthless loser, I watched horrible humiliation inducing porn that made me feel inferior to others in every way (orgasming to this made me hate myself even more, and I didn't go to any of my exams.

    After failing out of school, I spent the next two weeks going to this local bridge in the middle of the night wanting to jump, but I pussied out each time and failed to do it.

    It's hard to remember just how bad things were back then. I guess that's more motivation to continue with the nofap. I've had many times during my streak where I felt as though things weren't improving, but I feel totally different from what I did back then.
     

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