Your lowest point? (ROCK-BOTTOM) [TRIGGER WARNING]

I'm curious to hear how low porn has gotten you, that 1 point where you just thought to yourself, where am I going?

I've had those moments so many times...the feeling like u have no control, not feeling like a man, feeling worthless(literally), feeling disconnected from my head, feeling like you're absolutely nothing and you're a weak person...

I've had those moments a few times now, I tried to take a bath 1 time when it happened and I was so lifeless and dissapointed and feeling worthless I pissed on myself in the tub out of no respect to myself, kind of a self hate act? I think that was my lowest point, just feeling worthless to the bone. And I stayed in the bath with piss in it, cause I felt dirty inside and It's how I felt, and no I don't have a piss fetish. I guess why I put myself down so much like this is cause of how I think cause during this addiction I've gotten into a relationship, still am, and once I was in it I found out porn was wrong, and then trying to get from it but realizing it wasn't as easy, and me relapsing, got me the biggest guilt one could imagine, I felt like a cheater, a regular guy, some trash player, filth...literally, so I think in comparison to a regular porn user it makes things 10 times worse...

Pissing thing sounds fucked up right? But I guess when you're desperately out of control with an addiction like PORN...it's a damn shame, it's so easy to do things that are not you, since porn basically is something we all like, but that's not us from the root, since it's not a natural thing to do, but we've been thought to like it more and more over time, climaxing to it...getting to the more extreme stuff, so I guess the pissing on myself was an expression of self-hate and no respect to myself.

I have also gotten to that point where as when I relapsed and realizing I did, after quite a good reboot of some time, that I felt like I was the one being raped, for actually re-lapsing, since it's really against my will, plain through, it is, but you get lurked in to it...it's surreal though.

Eitherway, what has been your lowest point? I mean rock bottom...

And I think, knowing all the filth we've all looked at cause of the porn the pissing thing doesn't even sound fucked up, I guess we're used to weird shit.

 

Re: Your lowest point?(ROCK-BOTTOM)

I don't want to go into details but some of the things I've done and thought about doing have been pretty fucked up. Thankfully I pulled myself out of the abyss before it was too late and I did something really wrong.

 

Re: Your lowest point?(ROCK-BOTTOM)

You know it's all anonymous, I don't like to brag about me pissing on myself, but I think the more open people are about how low porn has brought one another the more it shows to every one of us what the impact is. I can only speak for myself, but am interested in other people and what happened to them or where porn has gotten them.

 

Re: Your lowest point?(ROCK-BOTTOM)

tbh its hard to say. i have had so many times when ive wondered whats wrong with me. why dont i have the same desire to go and get laid. whats holding me back. if your sex life is porn and you do it every day its no wonder real woman cant compete. how the fuck has it taken me so long to connect the dots! its insane!

i didnt feel like it at the time but i do remember at one point probably even a couple of years ago saying to myself that i didnt need a relationship because i got so much enjoyment watching porn. i felt rather empathetic at the time and i dont remember even feeling depressed. that has to be my low point as i accepted that this would be my life - my value of myself was far too low thinking back.

 

Re: Your lowest point?(ROCK-BOTTOM)

wow I understand

are you serious? why did you do that? and how did porn make you do this. were u into gay porn before u made this move? and if so, did u have gay feelings before u entered porn or was it the porn that got you to that point.

 

Re: Your lowest point?(ROCK-BOTTOM)

That's really interesting......that's fucked up tho...but it shows what porn can do to people...I think it's important we face it and see it, other people's low points.

 

Re: Your lowest point?(ROCK-BOTTOM)

I'm not sure if I hit rock bottom but I did pmo at work and even while driving on the highway.

 

Re: Your lowest point?(ROCK-BOTTOM)

I shudder to think. I remember the distinct moment, just days before I discovered ybop and immediately began a reboot, where my reaction to a thumbnail picture of tranny porn on a tube site struck me as...not too scary.

Before that moment, I had always found she-male porn annoying. I wondered why the sites mixed it in with straight porn. But at that particular moment, I thought, hmmm....

I'm really glad ybop entered my universe when it did.

The stuff I used to watch was the kind of thing that I wouldn't want any person in my life ever to know I watched. But it never made me wonder about myself. But I think I was about to cross that line when I got rescued by Gary Wilson.

 

Re: Your lowest point?(ROCK-BOTTOM)

This is a good thread. About 2 months ago I took a solo trip to Las Vegas. I enjoy getting away to that exciting city in the desert to forget about work, stress, and to just be free. For some reason I have no problem flying solo in that city.

This trip I ended up barely doing any of the things that I enjoy, like gambling, meeting people, and drinking. I also enjoy placing bets on sporting events. I was there for 5 nights. Sadly, I spent a ridiculous amount of time alone in my hotel room jerking off to mobile internet porn. I probably averaged 3-4 times a day, if not more. My lack of self control carried over into other areas like diet and personal appearance. I could have done this at home for free!

My confidence was so low that I couldn't even muster up enough courage to sit at a blackjack table and play cards.
I had drained myself of all will to even be seen in public. Shortly after this trip I discovered the YBOP site and I swear I won't ever go back to being in that state of mind ever again.

 

Re: Your lowest point?(ROCK-BOTTOM)

Wow, actually now that I think about it this probably my lowest point to. Went to Vegas with a friend for a week in October '10 and every morning he'd get up and go down to grab coffee and gamble some and I'd sit in my room til noon looking at porn. Insane how low this shit brings us...

 

Re: Your lowest point?(ROCK-BOTTOM)

paying for sex with an escort.

It wasn't an escalation from porn really (in fact I did it at a time when I was uncosciously trying to reboot).

It was more from a frustration with ED that was largely caused by PMO.

Didn't discover this site or YBOP until months afterwards, when researching something related.

This "rock-bottom" however has made me seriously look at myself and change my outlook to sex and porn in many ways. So, I imagine that I will be grateful in the future for my awareness of the danger of porn. At least, if I have a future gf, I'll realise that I can't escape into a world of PMO (or even escorts) to avoid relationship conflict.

 

Re: Your lowest point?(ROCK-BOTTOM)

My lowest point?

Getting totally turned on by snuff. Literally watching chicks being strangled or shot to death and then fucked. I'd managed to rationalize the strangulation and garroting fetish - for at least 18 months or so - but when I started wanking to gore soaked chicks being fucked after being shot I thought I was going mad or about to become a serial killer.

Discovered YBOP shortly after and have been trying to reboot since the beginning of April 2012. I've had 3 relapses so far - only one of which resulted in me watching extreme* material - but would still generally consider the process a success. Heading into day 6 of attempt 4; 17 days is my best effort to date.

*Trust me, when I use the term extreme, I mean stuff so vile and depraved that only 1 person in a million has heard of it. In that sense two of my relapses were fairly minor affairs and actually represented a step up from where I was at.

 

Re: Your lowest point?(ROCK-BOTTOM)

Ugh, this is going to be embarassing, but here goes...

Ever since I got interested in anime, I found the women drawn extremely attractive. It didn't take me long to start masturbating to sexy pictures. This behaviour never left me, and I'd rotate between real (well, in comparison) women and drawn. In the end I had a giant collection of pictures, both on the computer and printed, such as posters.

Another obsession of mine was ejaculation. Especially as in porn, on girls. That's pretty much all I'd download videos for; the cumshot. The rest was boring to me.

After a while I'd get bored of "wasting" my semen on nothing, and I think you can see where this is going. Yep, forth came the posters. I'd pretend that they were the real thing, and I felt extreme shame after each session. I knew that what I was doing was sick, but I couldn't stop myself. Luckily I found YBOP before I took it to the next level where I would have looked for a figurine.

How I could prefer this shit to real girls leaves me speechless.

 

Re: Your lowest point?(ROCK-BOTTOM)

does that even exist??? that's crazy...

 

Re: Your lowest point?(ROCK-BOTTOM)

Oh yeah. Everything is out there if you just know how to find it.

I work in IT and am fairly computer savvy so I haven't paid a penny for porn in a decade; there are several studios that specialise in snuff now and while they try and get non-official copies of their stuff taken down it's an endless game of whack-a-mole for them. So the stuff is out there and for free; it's merely a question of tracking it down. After a decade or so of doing that you become pretty adept at searching for what you want.

I know right now that I could have a high quality 900 MB file - of a female FBI agent being shot multiple times (finally between the eyes) and then fucked post-mortem on a desk by her killer - downloaded within the hour if not for K9. Right, now I'd still like to see that. Or maybe a houseful of co-eds being strangled one by one? A favorite of mine; 30 mins, tops.

So you see, some of us are quite unimaginably fucked up by our decades long twilight wanderings in the insane world of porn.

I spent a considerable amount of energy trying to justify and rationalize my increasingly bizarre tastes but only YBOP really explains what was happening. I consider myself incredibly fortunate to have finally stumbled onto the site.

 

Re: Your lowest point?(ROCK-BOTTOM)

 

Re: Your lowest point?(ROCK-BOTTOM)

This is the most shocking porn genre I've ever heard of.

How do videos of a whole houseful of co-eds being strangled even get produced? The co-eds willingly suffocate to death for the sake of a video?

A small part of me wants to see something videos of this just to validate the existence of such horrors being taped for the orgasmic jolly's of some very sick individuals...

But a much greater part of me knows that seeing those videos would be the worst thing possible at this point in time, I have already fought this long and hard to be free from the monstrous drug of porn addiction, why reverse the healing process by getting addicted to one of the worse things ever created?