Youngfella2: The Only Way To Know Is To Find Out For Myself

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by Youngfella2, Oct 20, 2021.

  1. Youngfella2

    Youngfella2 New Member

    Hey guys,

    So I'm back, again, age 27, nowadays. I used "Youngfella" account here in the past but decided to make a "new one",
    for a fresh start I guess because I believe my approach towards this is different now than anytime before.

    For the past couple of years, trying to quit watching internet porn or just porn in general wasn't such a big deal to me than it was during 2013-2016.
    But now I have found, or more so, I'm making a new direction in my life and things are streaming upwards. And this feels like something I can actually sustain as long as I want.
    And now I think is the right time for me to try this again too.

    What truly was a bigger reason why this wasn't such a issue for me during the couple of last years was because I didn't have a why anymore. I realized that my why was getting "superpowers" that would make it easier for me to attract women. That was really it when I think about it afterwards. So my motivation was external, not internal. After a couple of relationships, being in love, getting my heartbroken, hook-ups, etc. women aren't that big of a deal/mystery as they were when I was younger. Trying to desperately find hook ups/dates, doing all that work, etc. is not as much worth it the time and effort than it was. Porn became easier and let's face it, theres no risk for stds and unwanted pregnancies in porn, like it or not, sex has its risks.
    I'm trying to make my life better for myself now and when I feel like I'm ready, then I think I try to start to find a serious long-term relationship.

    So if women aren't motivating enough anymore, what was my why anymore? I didn't know for a long time, so I didnt care about my viewing habits.
    But there were always these thoughts that kept occuring to me all this time:
    "Life could still be better / less painful without it JUST IN ITSELF FOR YOU, even if you don't care about it's affects on women anymore."

    SO NOW I HAVE A NEW WHY:
    Even if life without porn than with porn isn't "better" or good enough, whatever, I want to find out IS IT LESS PAINFUL. Because quite frankly, that's good enough for me nowadays. That in itself would make it worthwhile it all. Of course I hope it would make it better too but I'm not setting myself up to too many expectations.
    Let's see what happens. Only way to know for sure is to find out about it myself. So that's what I'm gonna do now (no wasted time anymore). Whichever is the more painfree/worthwhile way to me, that's what I choose to live onwards and then I leave this behind me. Besides, porn can't numb the sadness/emptiness it leaves me with after I'm done with it.

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    My "record streak" is 23 days or something, so let's start with 25 and go on from there
    (brain needs time to rebalance it's dopamine receptors, that's why day streaks still matter somewhat to me)

    How long?

    As far as I need to until I feel like I know the answer to my question: is this way more worth it to live my life onwards?

    What counts as porn to me?
    I know it when I see it. That's good enough for me. Some say it's when penis enters a vagina on screen.

    Masturbation, orgasms and sex are okay (I want these in my life)
    they are not porn (you can find them in nature, you can't find internet porn in nature that produces more dopamine than our brains can handle).

    Wet dreams, porn dreams, pop-up adds, random porn thoughts
    and just seeing a porn pic or something quickly on some site are acceptable since I can never have full control on them
    (if I could have, I would just say to my brain and to computer, "hey, stop showing me these things, okay?"
    and well that just doesnt work, quite the opposite actually) so they aren't my fault in a way.
    Realize they (might) happen, don't dwell on them though, deal with them quickly and just move on with your day.

    What about IG, Facebook, pics of real girls etc.?
    It's not porn but I try to avoid it nowadays. For me it's okay if I know the girl in my real life (a crush or something) but if I dont (a celeb or something), I try to avoid it.
    I just rather try to go after the real thing if I want something like that. But if I don't, I want to focus my time making my life better for me, day by day.

    What's the difference between porn to you in comparison example to videogames, netflix, internet?
    The only difference that matters to me is that those other things don't feel like problems to me, they seem like something I can control, and that they don't control me, I'm okay with them.
    I'm not okay with my porn use, because it's never occasional, it's always all or nothing. I feel okay about other things. I don't feel okay about my porn use.
    That is the only reason I need.

    What is a a relapse for me?
    I know it when I do it / see it. Intentionally searching for and watching high speed internet porn (artifical, not find in nature). A porn video is pretty obvious when you see one.
    That's it. CONSCIOUS INTENTIONAL CONTINUING SEARCHING/ACTION IS THE DIFFERENCE. YOU KNOW IT WHEN YOU DO IT.
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    I will write on this journal whenever I feel like it. Feel free to post if you want to, any support is appreciated and I will comment on them.
    I hope I can help others with this journal but in the end, I'm doing this for me first. So let's get started, again.

    Current goal is 25 days. This was day 1.

    The time is right now.
     
    Last edited: Oct 20, 2021
    200DaysMission and -Luke- like this.
  2. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Hey YoungFella,

    Good to have you back! I'm here again after a similar hiatus - I felt good about returning and hope you're feeling happy with your decision too (and becoming happier as things progress!).

    It sounds like you're in a really good place, and have a great idea of what you want and why again. It was quite inspiring to read actually.

    Excited to hear how you get on, and sending you a lot of support.
     

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