Watched an interesting video today. New perspective on the journey. How the journey doesn't necessarily have to be abolish fapping as much as exploring and learning and becoming acquainted with one's unique form of sexuality.
That's an interesting take. I think porn and the likes have perverted my sexuality. I don't think I can truly know my sexual identity until I kick the addiction.
It's a very different perspective yeah. I do agree with perversion due to porn for sure. I've experienced much of the same myself. But I also don't know how much the sex drive is actually tied in to our physiology, our bodies and our minds. Kicking the addiction without a proper plan to really harness and use this form of primal energy seems.. a bit futile in that regard. What I'm trying to say in YBR terminology is that I've been trying to reboot without taking the necessary steps for rewiring. And now I'm kind of realizing my inaction due to fears and such. The thing is, the fear is always gonna be there to some extent, no matter how rebooted and non-perverted my mind becomes. The real way to overcome it is to rewire by fulfilling the primal needs for intimacy and connection with other human beings and in turn ourselves.
Did some communication stuff yesterday outside my comfort zone. Didn't go too well, but to be fair it didn't go too badly either. All in all it's a positive step in the right direction and okay progress for a beginner.
Keep smashing it man, had a quick read through your Journal, and in many ways I can relate to your opening post. Your journal has helped me understand that this really is very much a journey, and more about trying to become the person you aspire to be as opposed to purely eliminating PMO. Keep up the work outside your comfort zone.
Well said UK Don, couldn't agree more. Everything has changed for me. I understood that my life was very stressful, because my mind was always scattered. I understood this by giving myself the permission to watch P when needed. And I didn't have the brain fog when I allowed myself, when I looked at it as a gift. And I was very productive, using pmo as an ally rather than as a crutch, an impurity to get rid myself of. And now I understand that the escape that O gives me is a release of stress. When the mind and body are not equipped to handle the stress of certain thoughts/ expectations/ disappointment/ anger/ anxiety /depression even, or whatever "negative" bodily sensation you are dealing with, it turns to release that energy through the easiest means. I feel this as a promise, a rush of endorphins on the other side and pornography as the bridge to take me there. I walk on the bridge and enjoy the time, and the moment of exhilaration upon reaching the other side is stupendous. Then one settles back into reality. And when one does, sooner or later - edged or not, O'd or not - it matters whether they have the emotional coping tools to cope with one's own internal challenges and life's external challenges (which interestingly enough, are also felt as internal bodily sensations). This way, the nofap community is not a disease to be gotten rid of, an impurity to cleanse ourselves of. Instead, it is a training ground. A training ground for emotional development. Pushing of one's energetic, emotional, mental, spiritual, and sexual comfort zone. And that's the frame of mind I have today.
