Yearofchange's journal.

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by yearofchange, Jun 28, 2014.

  1. yearofchange

    yearofchange Your actions matter.

    I definitely agree Bruce. Putting them aside really helped with urges. Once it's out it's just important to remember the reasons why you want to stay away.

    I actually did o right after my last post. however, i have had absolutely zero chaser effect and zero symptoms. i was pretty conscious about it too, it seemed like my body just needed it weirdly enough. i didnt shame and guilt myself at all, and this helped a great deal i think. also that my body probably just needed to do it. not going to make this a habit ofc. i want my body and mind to become used to living with this nofap lifestyle.

    Edit: 2 Huuge urges to peek. Very very strong. First one I wouldve succumbed if I hadnt taken out my router off its power supply (semi-related). Addict mind is telling me to go on tinder and see 10 profiles. I know better right now not to, but it's very persuasive when I'm not vigilant.
    Last edited: Jun 13, 2018
  2. yearofchange

    yearofchange Your actions matter.

    I ended up mo-ing twice yesterday. first one was triggered by huge bout of stress concerning health that I overreacted. second one was right before sleep, chose the lesser good option.

    Damn chaser effect. O'd again just now.

    Not losing hope, but I really need to get stressors out of the way by finishing my personal tasks, or thisll keep happening.
    Last edited: Jun 14, 2018
  3. BruceWayne

    BruceWayne Building the life I want, day by day...

    At least you didn’t look at porn which is always a good thing.

    Do you have anything to focus on in your life right now? Exercise? A book to read? Anything?

    It’d be good to help keep your mind off MOing.
  4. yearofchange

    yearofchange Your actions matter.

    Hey Bruce, yeah I have studying to do at the moment and exercised today. Trying to get back into it. It's just this one task I have been putting away (phone call) that's just led me to stress and craving. It's stupid and irrational but it is there and I havent been able to get over the hill by myself.

    Mo'd again just now to some triggering social media. Stupid, really... I'm going to try to call today and after that I should be fine.

    Edit: Finally.
    Last edited: Jun 17, 2018
  5. yearofchange

    yearofchange Your actions matter.

    feeling pretty low energy today. just trying to get through today doing my tasks and such. I'm going to spend energy to develop the strong mindset I want to have. The more I practice a strong mindset, the easier I can keep it.
  6. yearofchange

    yearofchange Your actions matter.

    feeling pretty great today. was able to make good decisions and engage in life instead of detaching as per my usual

    edit: so very very tired. watched a movie with family instead of going to sleep n now have to overcome the late night urge. going to put on a podcast to sleep.

    edit: couldnt sleep, ended up pmoing to get some rest. i shouldve slept when i was tired and stood up for what i wanted. also i drank a lot of coffee. it's not too bad tho it was good bonding.
    Last edited: Jun 22, 2018
  7. yearofchange

    yearofchange Your actions matter.

    Doing well, mo'd last night but not too bothered by it. A bit less energetic today because of it but i'm not upset at that. i have the luxury of being able to take it easy until next monday.
  8. yearofchange

    yearofchange Your actions matter.

    Still doing well, working out through personal emotional issues and growing. mo'd again last night as i couldnt sleep. it felt strangely good again, like my first years when it was still new. not much brain fog, exercised this evening too. doing well.
  9. yearofchange

    yearofchange Your actions matter.

    Very high libido this morning. my mind was very preoccupied and i was just on edge all day until the evening when i mo'd. it was actually again, a very great o. no p of course, tho i was tempted. i simply moved and felt my qi how i imagine qi gong practitioners do and it was not draining as it was energizing weirdly. im working a lot on repressed emotions n thoughts and such and i feel this opening of energy channels is what's causing my increased and less perverted libido. im also trying not to repress my sexual energy but rather free it. i know it sounds airyfairy and theoretical but it is very real-ly felt.
  10. yearofchange

    yearofchange Your actions matter.

    Mo'd again today, exercising well, these o's don't drain me as much as they feel quite natural. I'm being very busy with things too, that is helping a lot with not succumbing.
  11. yearofchange

    yearofchange Your actions matter.

    Fuck me, had a bad O this evening from the stress caused in me by a family member. I opened myself up to them and got shot down so hard emotionally I was shaking. No wonder I'm fukd up.

    No matter. I will learn from this experience what I can, disconnect from that person and put up barriers to keep myself alive and sane. I need to remind myself that I'm a wonderful person, I'm a deeply loving compassionate individual, and that I am capable of so much more than what that person in specific thinks of me. Because self-hate is what's caused all of this anxiety so far.
  12. yearofchange

    yearofchange Your actions matter.

    need to try to gather up courage to talk to people again. i still feel upset about yesterday.
  13. yearofchange

    yearofchange Your actions matter.

    Maaaaaaassive urge right now. gonna sleep instead, tho the urge to peek is extraordinary
  14. yearofchange

    yearofchange Your actions matter.

    pmo'd today cuz i got scared and stressed i didnt hand in a deadline...

    my brain is all sorts at the moment. after a talk with my dad im sane again. that family member really does a number on my mind soul and body. no matter, i must deal with it as the number one obstacle in my life.
  15. yearofchange

    yearofchange Your actions matter.

    pmo'd two times today due to trying to get rid of the bookmarks the last pmo session left me. it's all gone now, which is good. slept through most of the symptoms.

    i need to start making progress on meeting n talking to girls, and for that i very much need to not pmo. i need to come up with a way to really strengthn that resolve. maybe deep reflective journaling
  16. yearofchange

    yearofchange Your actions matter.

    One mo this morning cause i wasnt feeling wuite the best. better now.

    doing well, reading and exercising more these days
  17. yearofchange

    yearofchange Your actions matter.

    Having an urge now to peek, just before starting my studying.

    I'm tired of giving in, so I intend to come here to write about it if this happens again. I gotta stay off. Coming here reminds me of this.

    Edit: I successfully warded off the urge.
    Last edited: Aug 13, 2018
  18. yearofchange

    yearofchange Your actions matter.

    I got really angry yesterday night.Was still angry in the morning and afternoon. Went for a drive, bought some exercise clothes and hit the gym. Nothing like a drive and some weights to give you some clarity.

    I'm honestly a child in emotional terms. Learning to be one with and use difficult emotions to help myself grow. That's so weird to think about, that I am afraid of my own body's responses.

    In that perspective it's obvious number on priority is to be able to live with and overcome the resistance to feeling and learning to be with difficult emotions.
  19. yearofchange

    yearofchange Your actions matter.

    I've been putting this journey aside, seeing if I really needed to be on it. Turns out I very much do. I told a friend that I'm on it and he told me I must have low nutrients stuff like that and that's abnormal, so I wondered if it's all in my head. With the energetic and mental slump it puts me that is most certainly not true, and I have to listen to me, so I'm back on this again.

    I peeked both last night and today. It just feels like the only way I can get through an urge sometimes, especially in the beginning stages. I have to choose to say no, though.
  20. yearofchange

    yearofchange Your actions matter.

    It's october, and im starting the journey again. I will track what days I peek, watch P, M and O at the end of this month. I've re-setup k9 on my computer, and I use only one these days. My phone is dangerous, i have to find a filter that can work on my phone, but hopefully I can abstain if not.

    This is important to me. I want to be able to do it. I plan to go 30 days no P, with a maximum of 4 MOs. I plan to not M absentmindedly unless i am using one of the MO passes. Instead, I plan to feel my body, feel the tension, feel the stress, feel the uncomfortable sexual energy and bask in it.

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