Xstar's Journal

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by xstar, Sep 9, 2013.

  1. Beowulf

    Beowulf Member

    Hi Xstar - encouraging report thanks, and pleased to read you are doing well...
    So you think maybe all of us who are complaining of low libido maybe just need to do something to get it kick started... I hope I get to where you are well done...
  2. xstar

    xstar New Member

    Thank you guys for your continued encouragement! I appreciate it. Vacation, getting caught up after returning, holiday busy-ness, and catching a miserable cold that I've been fighting for five days now means I haven't been here as much as I'd like.

    re: Beofwulf's question about kickstarting. I think if you have not orgasmed or watched porn for an extended period, perhaps your brain starts decreasing your libido and this is what is behind a long-lasting flatline period. Your brain stops wanting what it can't have? If this is the case, then it makes sense that an orgasm can push you out of flatline.

    Nevertheless, I think suffering through a low period is necessary. Your brain has to change and this is difficult. So, IMHO, "kickstart" only after some extended period of success...perhaps a minimum of 90 days without porn and 30-60 days without orgasm. For me, I believe I was 97 days no P, no M and 75 days no O and my flatline had gotten fairly miserable including regression in the ED department (my erections were getting worse and my morning wood had all but disappeared both after big improvements early in my reboot). Everyone will be different. I'm guessing the longer you can deal with flatline, then better off you'll be.
  3. xstar

    xstar New Member

    Today marks day 120 of no p, no m

    I reach my "goal" today. More or less random since my real goal is forever. My 2012 reboot record was 81 days no P, 62 days no M. Things turned out to be less difficult than I thought they would be. I think there are two potential reasons:
    [list type=decimal]
    [*]My 2012 reboot followed by failure (the miserable details in the first post of this journal)...it gave me a taste of what life is like without PMO notwithstanding that I relapsed and eventually lost many of the benefits.

    [*]Eliminating orgasm...this made things much more difficult for about a month and then helped by lowering my libido (good until it got so low as to make things difficult again). Besides other potential benefits, no-O eliminated the chaser effect. I never thought the chaser effect was a big deal until the last week...and then it hit me hard.

    Which brings me to my current status:
    [list type=decimal]
    [*]Motivation: Still highly motivated to stay away from P. Less motivated to stay away from M. My goal has always been to eliminate P and eliminating M has only been in support of no-P and fixing my ED. I don't know when I'll M again, but my guess is it's in my future if my libido remains very high and my wife's remains relatively low. It'll be in very very limited amounts and I anticipate it'll be quite a while before I do.

    [*]Libido: After serious concerns, my libido is back in full force. Besides wondering if it would ever come back, I wondered if the libido I experienced in the past was real or PMO-driven. Turns out it was real. I've always been high libido, even pre-PMO--but I was a lot younger then (been on internet PMO for a decade or more).

    [*]PIED: I can't give a clear report here as I've been using ED medication of late. Without ED meds, my erections are significantly better, though I still have issues of going soft at the point of entry. I'll often be 100% hard while kissing, during foreplay, etc...then I have difficulty. As I've written previously, I think there is a strong psychological component having to do with ( 1 ) previous PIED related failures, and ( 2 ) relationship problems.

    With ED medication, I'm typically performing like I did in my twenties. In the past couple of weeks, I don't think I've had any poor erections if I've taken meds. This contrasts with my PMO days when 200mg of Viagra (2x the max dose) wouldn't get me hard.

    [*]Morning Wood: Morning wood has returned and remains since I started allowing orgasm on 11/16. I think I've had strong morning wood every morning since 11/16 except for a couple of mornings when I've been on phenylephrine (a decongestant and known erection killer...though I've had some MW even while using it). I also often wake up in the middle of the night with a very strong erection.

    [*]Relationship: Things are much better with my wife over the past year than they've been over the prior 10 years. Some of this is attributable to no-PMO because it allows me to be more focused on my marriage. Not only do I address issues instead of hiding behind the "feel good" relief of porn, but I'm also likely a better person in terms of my behavior toward my wife.


    Bottom line: many benefits after 120 days. Many more to come.

    If you're feeling down about this process or ready to bail on it, my story might give you hope. I was deep in with huge problems: my PIED was miserable, I was PMO'ing daily and often multiple times per day for long sessions (often with a limp dick), my marriage was on a downward spiral, etc. And I work from home on my computer all day.

    I'm beating this. So can you.
  4. LTE

    LTE Master Of My Domain

    Congrats on 120. I'm going to give you my standard advice regarding masturbation. IMHO, it does no good and holds potential for harm. Even if you are only getting some once a month you can be completely happy without masturbation and it will only make real sex that much better. Even better than that, imagine how great it will be to have 100% control over your desires.
  5. BadOnion

    BadOnion New Member

    Good job on the 120 days. A little sad to think I started this whole thing seriously at about the same time your 120 days started, and I have done nowhere near as well. But I will get there. Hearing about others that make it is inspirational.
  6. sonofJack

    sonofJack I deserve self-respect

    Magnificent XStar. 120 down, one lifetime to go!
  7. nofapado

    nofapado Guest

    Congratulations x-star. You have done well. Wishing you well.
  8. colimpool

    colimpool Active Member

    Congratulations on reaching your target x-star. i understand your feelings re future targets, i had to up mine yesterday and it seemed pointless really because like you i am hoping that no the target is forever. thank you for your report, it helps to understand where we are going...
  9. xstar

    xstar New Member

    As always, thank you for all the great comments, support, insights, and advice. This journey has been a game changer and I'm only in the early days. I just set my counter to add another 120 days...
  10. imout

    imout Active Member

    Great report x-star. It describes my experiences too. I was as miserable as you at the end of my pmo carreer. Limp!

    My physical recovery went like yours. Long flatline, then decent erections, normal libido after probably 90 days. However - warning downer coming - I flatlined again - and again. My last flatline was only 4 weeks ago for about 4 weeks. Not as severe as before, but much reduced interest in sex and ED was getting worrying again. Even now my erections arent 100% but I can live with it.

    I think the bottomline is this. It does get better, much better, over time. It isnt necessarily linear. And: we have no choice.
  11. xstar

    xstar New Member

    Imout--I had a mild flatline period early in my reboot (and in my original 2012 reboot). It was noticeable, but not a huge deal. The flat line I experienced through part of October and November was a different animal entirely and was very disconcerting. It was likely more similar to what I've read about from others here and on YBOP.

    My serious flatline coincided with a multi-month period of no-orgasm. It disappeared immediately once I allowed orgasm again.

    How is that for you? Do you have regular sex with orgasm and still move in and out of flatline?

    Frankly, flatline is a hugely uncomfortable place to be. It helps me avoid the draw of PMO, but I'm still hoping to stay away from the serious flatline I experienced last month.
  12. Beowulf

    Beowulf Member

    Congratulations, and thanks for the great report.

    "After serious concerns, my libido is back in full force. "

    Brilliant..... !! I take your point, the mind/body needs time to rest, detox...but it might be on us to initiate some activity further down the line otherwise we go into a monastic state with no urges...

    Once again congratulations!
  13. imout

    imout Active Member

    I havent really talked about this here. Dont know why. I guess I like to brush over it rather than acknowledge it totally.

    Sex with xxx has always been an emotional minefield for me. When I was PMOing and had very little interest in it plus my ED made penetrative sex impossible I was constantly bombarded with her frustration. I think that enforced a hangup I had anyway.

    Since we got back together and in the chaotic phase before I was very much aware that we cant succeed if she isnt happy with our sex ( Im saying that because its a constant theme of hers). In a way I also feel there is an onus on me. I have always felt uneasy in bed with her. I enjoy it untill penetration comes into it. We have a very satisfying oral sex routine, which pleases her a lot too. But - and now Im saying it finally - We havent had penetrative orgasm at all in 3 years of relationship. I am very uneasy with it. I know I would O, but only if we go about it early on in the process because an hour later I usually feel numb and wont come easily. I always feel (right or not) that im not hard enough for her to O.

    How does that tie in with flatline? I had flatline recently and it was a huge pressure on me. I felt that our relationship could fall over it again. We had a couple of blowups over it. I have a strong sense that my performance in bed is very much linked to feeling pressured . In taht context I dont actually know anymore how much my occasional low libido and mild ED is related to flatline and how much is my inner hangup.

    I think I will soon have to write an honest post about this on my journal
  14. xstar

    xstar New Member

    Thanks for sharing, imout. I know it's often difficult to be completely honest and up front about these things even if we remain anonymous.
  15. markp

    markp New Member

    Hey xstar,

    Just wanted to say congratulations on 120. I'm really, really happy for you and that things seem to be going well. It's an inspiration.
  16. xstar

    xstar New Member

    Day 124 no p, no o

    Thanks for stopping by, markp...I know you haven't posted in your journal for a bit. I hope things are improving for you. This thing can be a bitch. So surprising since it's such a simple issue on the face of it.

    In my first three months, stopping by YBR a lot, writing here and in other journals, reviewing YBOP daily...all helped tremendously. I'm not sure I would have made 120 days without the distraction, encouragement, knowledge, etc., that I received.

    I've been around less than in my first three months. The reasons are two fold: first, of course, this time of year is busy with so many other distractions. Second, things are going well for me and, since I hit my first major hurdle of four months, I'm actively trying to "obsess" less on this issue...which means visiting here less obsessively. But, of course, I can't let my guard down. I just need to find a good balance and remain active here while not spending multiple hours per day reading and writing.

    On another note, this weekend I was sidetracked into a nice handjob to completion while initially on my way to PIV. This is the second time recently and also the second time without complaints about having to change the sheets...just a laugh from her that I made a mess and she'll have more laundry to do. The other important part is that I used 1/2 viagra things were absolutely rock hard.

    PIV yesterday was good with no meds but I used a cock ring...100% during foreplay and mostly +/- 80% during PIV. For those with variable erections like me, a cock ring is a nice tool. It doesn't give the erectile strength of medication, but it helps a lot plus it reduces the worry or stress surrounding the thought that you might lose your erection entirely. And it avoids the side effects and inconvenience of medication.
    end trigger

    One other thing: even though I don't rule out masturbation following a good reboot, we need to be careful and perhaps no MO forever (as LTE advocates) is best. The quote below also indicates orgasm has the same issue. Many of us have found that to be true--calling it the "chaser" effect. Bottom line is to keep your guard up...no matter how far you've come, it's easy to fall back into PMO:

    Words of Wisdom from YBOP: Masturbation and orgasm strongly reactivate cravings to use porn. It has been surprising to witness that most men have an easier time eliminating masturbation than they do porn. For most guys with porn addiction, masturbation is simply not that interesting without porn, and they are amazed to discover that porn, not their libido, was driving their constant search for relief.
  17. Libertad

    Libertad Well-Known Member

    This is absolutely true for me, I have not the slithtest craving to M without watching P. Maybe thats why my flatline is taking so long, because I don´t want to watch P any more and so I have no urges to M.
  18. imout

    imout Active Member

    Are you doing OK, Xstar?
  19. xstar

    xstar New Member

    Hi guys...I need to get re-involved here. I took a break because I was busy over the holidays and felt I'd been spending too much time on this stuff. Then the new year rolled around--the first month or two is typically very busy for me--and I just didn't get back in the habit of coming here.

    It's been close to a month since I've regularly visited, though I've stopped by occasionally and read some journal entries.

    Thanks, imout, for checking in with me...sorry I didn't respond.

    In any event, I would say things have gone o.k.--but not great--since I haven't been here regularly. I have had some MO sessions that have likely set me back but haven't been a disaster. I've said in the past that I'll likely allow moderate MO in the future as I don't see it as the problem--porn is the problem. Nevertheless, by "future" I meant a year or two from now. So, I had a break in will power. I'm back on track.

    I need to start reading journals and getting caught up...
  20. LTE

    LTE Master Of My Domain

    Good to see you, my friend.

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