WRAT's Journal

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by WRAT, Dec 20, 2013.

  1. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    God bless you all! What a great bunch of men! Just stellar fellows!
  2. WRAT

    WRAT Active Member

    I'm really excited I am 11 days past my previous record of no PMO since age 10. Feeling really good today and had a busy, productive weekend.

    Back to reality alone in front of my computer. I'm filling up my to do list so I will stay busy with work.

    I credit this success to being on this forum and hearing from all of you guys.

  3. dannoj59

    dannoj59 Andy knows

    A big congratulations, Man. You are doing it. Tet fact that you are overcoming a lifelong addiction brings so much power in other aspects of your life as well. So good.

    This forum is great. I would have never realized the effect of writing out my thoughts. And even greater, the effect of giving encouragement and advise to others working on the same problem. It's very healing.

    I always appreciate your posts WRAT. You have interesting things to say. All the best.
  4. WRAT

    WRAT Active Member

    Thanks, Danno. I never knew reading & writing could be so helpful.
  5. WRAT

    WRAT Active Member

    ROUGH afternoon. No issues or triggers that come to mind but I'm having an incredible urge to M. I know it wouldn't be the end of the world but I also know how lousy I would feel after.

    I've been reading on this site this afternoon but the urge isn't going away. I'm trying to figure out something to do to get my mind off of this. I need to keep working but my entire focus is to M.

    Strange, because it has been much easier these days. Not sure why I'm suddenly obsessed with this urge.
  6. dannoj59

    dannoj59 Andy knows

    WRAT, I have seen your advise and posts to others. You have it in you to get through rough days. No, it won't be the end of the world if you give in. But you have the power to get through it. It's all in your mind. Do all you can to replace thoughts. Here's some ideas.
    1. Remind yourself all the reasons you're giving up PMO.
    2. Turn to a family photo album and ponder on it.
    3. Fall to your knees and pray.
    4. Surprise your wife or another loved one with an unexpected call
    5. Read and post at YBR.
    6. Do some scripture reading
    Watch the triggers. You have a good track record going. Soon the urge will pass and you will be that much further down the road.

    Here's an admission from me. I have felt pretty good recently. No major urges. My homepage is Yahoo. I read much of the news of the day from there. There is a fair amount of triggers on the Yahoo homepage. Bikini girls/celebrities stories tempting you click. Today, I clicked. Only reason to see the bikini girl. Total worthless. No value. I felt nothing and didn't stay long. And no real desire to hunt any longer. I really want to quit and get over this addiction. But if I was indifferent, I would still be there hunting even now.

    You're going to make it WRAT. I can feel it in your posts. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.
  7. WRAT

    WRAT Active Member

    Thanks Danno, I made it through without a relapse. It is scary how the strong urge came from no where; no triggers that I can think of. I got through it by reading on this site and telling myself I could relapse but I would feel bad afterwards.

    I changed my homepage to a goole search screen. Both Yahoo & MSN had numerous triggers so now all I see is a search screen.

    This site is a blessing.
  8. Beowulf

    Beowulf Member

    Good to read your journal, and I'm excited for you that you have beaten previous records... good luck with this.

    Likewise, I avoid MSN as a homepage, I actually have to avoid facebook... and skype... the challenge for me was breaking longstanding habits and finding new things to fill the void... I have fallen back on reading, and it feels good to connect with something I have always loved and had neglected.

    The problem with me was that I kept going one month, then thinking "OK I think this is under control now and I fancy a peek" and that would turn into a binge... Good luck.
  9. WRAT

    WRAT Active Member

    Thanks Beowulf.

    The last couple of days have been good. I still can't believe a Tuesday out of the clear blue I was obsessed with the desire to M. In the past I've been able to attribute it to certain triggers but not Wednesday. Guess that goes to show this is an addiction and not merely a bad habit.
  10. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    Personally, I think I will never be able to afford a peek, and I'm afraid to test that out, so guess I'll never know. It's good to see high numbers for you both, Beowulf and WRAT :)
  11. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    You got past it WRAT. That is all that counts!!

    This is indeed an addiction, but you are stronger than any addiction!
  12. dannoj59

    dannoj59 Andy knows

    Good to hear WRAT. It's weird how urges just appear and it's often hard to get past them. But you made it and that's a good thing.

    You always give good advice. It's amazing what this forum does. By seemingly giving advice and helping others, it heals us.

    Keep it going. We are all going to feel better being free of PMO.
  13. WRAT

    WRAT Active Member

    Definitely a Monday:

    Taxes are painful and I can't believe I have to pay more than I already have.
    Prospective customer threw a huge curveball that I'm not sure we can overcome.
    I want to O so bad I honestly think I could have sex with a skunk right now.

    I do notice how much calmer I am in dealing with life's unpleasant surprises. Had a good workout at lunch and have a full afternoon.

    I was invited by an administrator to visit Reboot Nation. I know some of our brothers post there but I'm not sure what the difference is. It is a big help to read and post but I'm not sure I need two places to go. Any thoughts by others?
  14. dannoj59

    dannoj59 Andy knows

    Wrat, I just finished my taxes. I dread them. I do my own. Last year we had to take 15K out of a 401K to make ends meet (medical expenses out of the norm for my wife and daughter). I knew I didn't withhold enough. When all was said and done, a tuition tax credit from my other daughter's college tuition ended up saving us and we ended up with a decent refund.

    Like LTE always says, PMO will never make bad experiences better. Glad you found a way to cope.

    I got the same invite. Reboot Nation seems great too. I'm glad some of those from YBR that registered over at RN are still posting at YBR. I don't have time or the desire to do both. New people still arrive daily here at YBR. I like the 40+ group. Good things to say. Much compassion. I don't plan on moving over, but I still respect others who decide to make the move. They have to do what they feel is right for them. The idea is getting the help and support you feel you need to stay strong and overcome PMO whatever forum your at.
  15. TerryB

    TerryB Porn & my other addictions: Not dealing with life!

    Hi WRAT,
    I just read your entire journal. I had no idea you were struggling so much. You're crushing it!
    7 more days, and you'll hit the big 70!

    A few comments about what you've written...

    I found the rubber band snapping method to work well on setting good habits. I wear it on my wrist, and snap it whenever I fantasize. Or see a hot woman in yoga pants. Or see something sexy on TV. Or in an ad. It takes a couple weeks, but your mind will stop itself in its track and move on to a different thought. It even got to the point where I would think about snapping my wrist (like when I was wearing a coat and couldn't reach it) and it would still work. After my rubber band bracelet broke, it continued to work for a week or so just thinking about it. However, the feeling has gone away by now. I sure could have used it during Wolf of Wall Street!

    I see you got a lot of great insight from reading that book. I've noticed in other addictions in my past, the best way to combat them was to actively gain knowledge about it. I believe half of that was just staying busy...

    Good luck with your wife & sex. NMMNG book & forum helped me a lot there, although it took many , many months of frustration. The solution there is a bit of a paradox.

    Keep up the good work, you won't regret it.
  16. NJdad

    NJdad New Member

    WRAT..your gonna be 70? I thought you where much younger they way you talk..must be all the penned up MOing...lol.My brother..keep your head on straight.I know that whenever I get stressed the first thing I think about is rippin one out.I just don't want to go backwards.Just question,did you change your diet when rebooting.I know that I am practically a vegetarian right now.I think it is good that I am loosing weight and no MO'ing.Anyway happy birthday my brother and keep your strength and will up.
  17. ravensrock

    ravensrock New Member

    Hi WRAT- new guy here and have only skimmed your journal. There's so much information on this forum and only so much time to take it all in. But wanted to let you know that it inspires me as someone with just over a week to read about how you persist through the tough days and keep going without yielding to temptation. I know I'm gonna have my struggles too and it helps to hear how other guys deal with them.
  18. WRAT

    WRAT Active Member

    NJDad, I'm 58 years old but coming up on 70 days no PMO. I have not changed my diet but I am exercising more these days. It sounds like you are making great progresss; good to see.

    Ravensrock, reading and posting has been my best medicine on this journey. I've tried to kick this addiction for a long time. It is something I haven't discussed with friends or family.

    Stay strong men.
  19. WRAT

    WRAT Active Member

    So Monday I was whining about a prospective customer throwing a curveball that I didn't think we could overcome. Two days later, all is well without me having to offer any concessions. The is a huge deal for both my company and me.

    In the heavy PMO days, I would have likely given up, let the opportunity go away, medicated myself with PMO binging and felt like crap. Monday I told myself that this is part of sales and to just address the situation and accept the outcome.

    I'm still waiting for the physical superpowers, the pornstar size penis and having sex like a bunny rabbit. However, I'm grateful for the mental/emotional clarity and the calmness I feel without PMO.

    I do hope the physical superpowers show up soon!
  20. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    Maybe your superpowers will show up in a non-standard form, for example, the ability avoid stepping on ants, or the power to understand what people mean when they name computer files, or the fastest reader in the world? Sometimes our presents are not what we wanted but can turn out to be not so bad.

    On the work front, your post made me think. Say that you are putting 30 minutes more a day towards your projects - time that you were either PMOing or in some kind of post-PMO fog and not as productive. Imaging how that extra time has the potential to just switch everything you do from good to better, very good, even great. This could be more of an evolution as opposed to a dramatic change, but that extra energy will show up.

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