Rex & FXJ, thanks for your kind words. You guys inspire me to fight this addiction with everything I have. I feel really good most of the time but still have moments of agony. I so enjoy the sense of calm I'm feeling these days and I don't want to lose that.
WRAT, you just wrote this at my journal... "FCJ thanks for all the valuable insights you post. I've tried and failed many times for well over a year. However, when I look back at 2013, I was clean 308 days; just not all in a row. Since this was almost a daily habit for me, I made progress. I'm ready to be clean every day from now on and my confidence grows each day." Great statement WRAT, just beautiful... so drop that "failed" part of your mindset. You are not that!! Just imagine the magnitude of that... you have had 308 days clean!!! Is that not just amazing and awesome? I think just a few years back i would never have thought of that kind of mileage without porn or masturbation in my life... bet the same is true for you. Heck... not that long ago I believed my use of PMO was good for me... my personal stress reliever... I now know it actually contributes to my anxiety and stress and robs my enjoyment of life.
FCJ, it sounds like we could be related. I also once believed that PMO was good for me. It is an escape and a temporary stress reliever. I remember reading something about you could go to any place with masturbation. Trouble is, I ended up going places I didn't want to be. Today I am tired and frustrated; a typical trigger. I'm getting ready to get on a conference call and I hope that will get me motivated to be productive. Thanks for your comments.
Hi WRAT, I just saw that your ticker , ticked over 30 days! I know we are not necessarily "celebrating" these milestones but I just can't help myself!! I just get such a great charge from others marching down their paths. Do you have any strong positives that you are noticing at this phase? If not , no problem... I am usually just coming out of withdrawal symptom phase in that first month or so. Hope you will feel lots of great things as the progress continues and spring arrives!
Hi FCJ, always good to hear from you. The main thing I've noticed is how much calmer I feel. The daily challenges are still there but I feel better equipped to handle them. The calmness improves my confidence and realizing I'm not the only man who has fallen into this trap really helps. I did not experience ED but my erections feel much stronger these days. Not sure if this is fantasy or real, but it sure feels real. Initially my sleep was messed up but I'm starting to sleep better and feel more rested. Thanks for asking.
This week has flown by. I'm excited about getting close to my record of 44 days and looking forward to breaking that record. I notice my wife & I are laughing and talking a lot more. So much of our conversations have been about life's difficulties & ending in arguments. It is good to just laugh together.
I just read some of your journal. Thank you for posting. I identify with many of your words. For me, I lived for alone time to medicate myself in PMO. Congratulations for winning a battle. Now I find myself a little lost when I have alone time. The temptation is there. I'm committed not to give in. Then I think and turn to something more productive. Scripture reading and personal prayer has helped a lot. Thanks for sharing. Keep up the fight.
For me, I lived for alone time to medicate myself in PMO. [/quote] Danno, that's how I was. Now I embrace opportunities to be with others.
I'm finally coming to realize that PMO changed my personality for the worse. I was more out going before I started as a teen. And now that I have been cutting back, a much better me is starting to emerge again. I have more ground to gain though. It's amazing what addiction does to you even when it's hidden to others.
Wrat and Danno: My default position for so many years was "alone time". It is a very hard nut to crack because even though I have been relatively successful in filling the time formerly spent on PMOing with other, healthier passtimes, I still often feel the urge to lock out the world. Part of this is due to me being a naturally introverted person. I've read bits about what this means and how it is quite natural to want to limit or select the types of social situations I am involved in. I accept that. But, there is a fine line to walk with that part of me that used to seek, create, favour alone times for full-fledged porn binges.
Today I hit my all time record of 44 days and I'm feeling really good about that. Sad week; lost two former co-workers and they were both younger than me. Both guys were healthy & died suddenly. Both leave children behind and one leaves a wife. It really hit home for me that our days are numbered. Whatever time I have left, I don't want to be a slave to the computer screen and my right hand. So thankful to have found this site and all you guys. To those who have moved on to other forums, best of luck and thanks for all of your support.
Very happy for you WRAT achieving your record. very sad that you lost your friends. our days are numbered and each one is a blessing a gift. I will say a prayer and remember all that i have to be thankful for. Bless you
Broke my all time records since I discovered M around age 10; I'm 58. I woke up with an erection this morning that reminded me of my teen years but I was simply thankful for it and left it alone. Happy to report no pain, just a sense of calm. Life's struggles have not gone away but I feel much better prepared to deal with them. I tend more to think about the good things in my life rather than the bad. Blessings to all of you sharing this struggle with me.
Congrats on 50 days, on an erection and on leaving it alone. Sorry to hear of your friends' deaths, and that they will be greatly missed by those who love them. Life is short and a blessing. Making every moment count is a good aim.
Congratulations WRAT. Good habits, good feelings, strength... these are things that get reinforced the more we do them. We have to learn how to ride the wave of positive feeling when we recognise it.
Wrat, you are getting up there in days and that's good. Wake up every morning and get on your knees and thank God that he has blessed you with the strength to make it through another day without PMO. Remind yourself of that. Be vigilant everyday, because a some days you'll feel like that you have totally beaten the PMO addiction. And then a trigger or two will occur and if your not careful, through a moment of weakness you may slip. I'm telling you this not because you need it, but because I need it. I've have slipped and relapsed after staying clean for a while. This time I want to quit for good. Congratulations on your success. May God bless you each and every day. Be vigilant. We will all be better off being free of PMO.
Wrat, After my previous post, I read your comment over on Short Guy's journal. You and I have very similar journey's. You and your wife's relationship is very similar to mine. I'm looking for greater connection with my wife. It's growing each and every day. Particularly since I've been working to remove PMO from my life. I loved your quote on the 'Right Man'. Very encouraging. That's what I'm working on. Thanks for your posts.
Danno, thanks for your remarks. I never have these types of discussions with friends so the posts on here give me so much hope. I am ashamed of my PMO addicition and ashamed of the fact that I am a happily married man who is able to have sex but isn't. Seeing that I'm not alone in these batttles is encouraging. I do thank God for every day and for every day I manage to stay clean. My previous record was 44 days last summer and in the blink of an eye, I was back at it. It is getting much better but can be a minute to minute battle.
