Working on it...

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by jeffmotley, Feb 4, 2016.

  1. jeffmotley

    jeffmotley Member

    Hi all!

    Working toward changing my life, developing healthy habits, and making the best of things.

    "Get up each morning, look at yourself in the mirror, and see yourself not as someone who is overweight or out of shape, but as the someone you will become."
    Dr. Phil McGraw
  2. jeffmotley

    jeffmotley Member

    I'm 48. Single. Educated. Good family and career. I workout a lot. Used to be a marathon runner but my knees and joints started to hurt and so I've taken to cycling.

    My PMO habits evolved with time as technology adapted from magazines to videos, dial-up modems to high speed Internet. I've spent a fortune on this so-called "hobby" over the years. It's cost me in monetary terms but also it has had a negative impact on my social life and relationships. I once read that businesses are perfectly aligned to achieve the results they get. Said another way, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

    And, I do want different results.

    I want the best for my life, I'm working on it.

    Working on changing my life in the best way that I can do it with the tools that I have available to me.

    My journey began a year ago when I decided to stop drinking alcohol. Quit cold turkey. That was fuckin' hard at first. No beer, wine, nothing. But here I sit thirteen months later, still sober. I've lost 25 pounds (mostly through cycling) and keeping the weight off. I was going to quit PMO same time as the alcohol but the PMO has proven for me to be the bigger challenge. To quote Mike, the sex addict in the movie "Thanks for Sharing," giving up on the compulsion to PMO is like trying to quit crack while the pipe is still attached to your body.

    I'm glad to have found a forum where I can share my experience. I appreciate your kindness.
  3. Alcohol is normally attached to social live, we don't usually drink alone in our homes and hide it from others. That's the reason maybe this is more dificult to fight ... because all this secrecy makes harder to share our problems with others.

    Welcome here, where you can share your thoughts and feelings with people that can really understand you.
  4. jeffmotley

    jeffmotley Member

    Thanks inprogress. I appreciate the welcome message.
  5. sonofJack

    sonofJack I deserve self-respect

    Welcome to the forum JM. I'm a runner/cyclist myself. Injuries tend to take me from those two outlets, and have many times led me back to my other outlet: PMO.

    Congratulations on 13 months away from alcohol. The fact that you left it behind, may prove that it wasn't as big a problem as you thought; the proof being how difficult PMO has been to get out of your life. For me, PMO, and in particular Internet Porn, has been my greatest weakness. When I cut back on beer, it was easy to tell my friends and family, and they congratulated me for it. However, the thought of telling them all "hey, I'm not jacking off to porn anymore!" was a non-starter. Perhaps it's that fear of "coming out" that makes it so much more difficult.

    As Inprogress suggests, drinking is social, masturbation, not-so-much (and if M is social, that may be something that we on here are not equipped to help with!).

    You've found a safe place to pursue your goals. We're all here to help!
  6. jeffmotley

    jeffmotley Member

    Thanks SonofJack! I appreciate the words of encouragement. I'm working on it. One day at a time. Grateful to have an outlet like this forum to talk about it and vent.
  7. jeffmotley

    jeffmotley Member

    I had reached day 20 without PMO. Things were going "ok" but the cravings were there. Not a strong craving, but an inner feeling like there was an itch deep inside my brain that wanted to be scratched.
    Exercise helps me avoid PMO. But I had injured my lower back five days earlier which left me without the ability to use exercise as an easy outlet to keep from acting on the urge to PMO.
    In an effort to step things up and remain without P, I decided to attend an evening SA meeting. It went ok, I guess, and I intend to go to another follow-up meeting. Most of the members were regulars and they were very helpful in welcoming me and making me feel like I'm not alone in the struggle. The most insidious addiction for me has been the evolution from watching P toward using the live-cam sites that allow me to interact with women. It's a fantasy, not real, but yet it seems real.
    Need to keep working on this. One day at a time.
  8. sonofJack

    sonofJack I deserve self-respect

    One day at a time has worked thus far, for me :)
  9. jeffmotley

    jeffmotley Member

    I know that removing the temptation from my house (e.g. installing "P" filtering software) is something that I have done to successfully keep me away from looking at "P". I had the software install for a year, between Oct. 2014 to Oct. 2015. But when it expired, I was too tempted to let the subscription expire without a renewal. I successfully stayed away from P through most of the fall, but as the Christmas and New Year's holidays approached, I found myself falling into looking at P again. And here I am, now, early February, slipping deeper into the addiction.
    It sucks having to install the filtering software again, but I know it's something that works and so it's time to make it happen.
  10. sonofJack

    sonofJack I deserve self-respect

    Stop thinking about it. The software helped before, it will probably help again. Install it!
  11. jeffmotley

    jeffmotley Member

    Installed the P filter on my home computer..... I know it's working because I tested it by trying to type in the URL of my go-to P site. Nope... Nada.... Just a big old image pops on the screen now with a sign that says this site is blocked from my view.... That's a good thing for now. I know it worked for me in the past.

    I'm taking to meditation and yoga practice these days - low impact physical exercises and relaxation techniques.

    I find this box breathing and meditation technique to be helpful.
    It's a YouTube video presented by Mark Divine
  12. learningOrder

    learningOrder Member

    Good job getting the filter back on the computer. You and SonOfJack have inspired me - I'm going to re-install back on my machine as well.
  13. alamar0315

    alamar0315 New Member

    Hi Jeff: I like to do yoga and body weight exercises and to follow a routine on youtube but 99% of the yoga and pilates routines on youtube are performed by beautiful young women in yoga pants, etc., not the kind of thing I should be watching. A year or so ago I stumbled on some yoga, power yoga, and pilates routines by a guy named Sean Vigue. He must have a hundred of them on there now. Lots of good workouts and he has a good sense of humor which keeps it fun. I'm off to go do one myself right now, a recent one called the 4 P's; planks, pushups, pilates, and power yoga. Have a great day.
  14. jeffmotley

    jeffmotley Member

    HAHA! Yep. Very true. Thanks for recommending Sean Vigue. I'll definitely check it out.

    A Yoga instructor I like on Youtube is Tim Senesi. "Yoga with Tim" It's just him leading the session. No beautiful women in yoga pants.
  15. jeffmotley

    jeffmotley Member

    Thanks LearningOrder. Hang in there!
  16. jeffmotley

    jeffmotley Member

    Finding it very difficult to walk away from Internet P. I had a slip this week.

    Here's a recap in the days since the new year....

    Went 20 days without PMO
    Five days of PMO
    Four Days no PMO
    Two days of PMO....

    No PMO today.

    The 20 days without PMO was my best streak since the new year began. Things were going well and then I injured my back. The back injury was a trigger to use again. Emotionally I was feeling depressed. PMO was a form of self medication, and it made me feel better for the moment, and I'm sure the next day I was dealing with the chaser effect to go back.. The dopamine rush pulling me back... Went back to it... then back again.. Right down the Rabbit Hole.

    I felt I was on the right track without PMO and then Sports Illustrated did a heavy marketing promotion for their annual Swimsuit edition. Boom. Back to PMO for a couple days.

    On the bright side, my back has healed and I'm feeling stronger -- physically and emotionally... I feel the stronger sense of willpower to push forward without PMO.
  17. learningOrder

    learningOrder Member

    I'm so sorry to hear that you've slipped this week. It happens. It's great that you're writing here and continuing to try to shake the pmo.

    20 days is a real accomplishment and if you can do it once, you can do it again!
  18. jeffmotley

    jeffmotley Member

    Thanks LearningOrder, I appreciate the kind words of encouragement.

    I saw you mentioned in your journal the saying that "while you're sober - the addiction is off doing push ups in the corner." That's a good way of seeing it and very true for me. I've seen it explained that the addiction is strong and it is always waiting for us to be weak. Therefore, we need to maintain and work the program because the addiction is not taking any time off. It is not going to go away and is waiting for us when we are our weakest. It is just a warning not to take sobriety for granted.

    Kelly McGonigal's book helped me when it came to understanding how our willpower is a sort of muscle that we need to exercise. It takes more internal effort to step away from the addiction.
    "The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters"
  19. Abc

    Abc The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Hi JeffMotley,

    Glad that you are hanging in there. This is no easy thing to do (understatement), and for myself, it works best when I'm able to identify any little positive thing that I've done and/or learning that I've experienced.

    Keep up the excellent effort :)
  20. jeffmotley

    jeffmotley Member

    Thanks NCB. I appreciate it.

    The positive I see in this morning is the rising of the sun. Sunshine all day in the forecast, too. We have had a streak of overcast days and periods of freezing rain. In winter, I enjoy the snow and the sun. But the grayness sends me into a funk.
    Beautiful sunrise today reminded me of the coming of spring in the months ahead and warmer climate.
    In my mind, today, I will fly somewhere south and meditate on a beach, listen to the waves.

Share This Page