Words of a Wounded Warrior

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by occams_razor, Jan 4, 2019.

  1. occams_razor

    occams_razor Active Member

    So I'm still alive anyway, in case anyone's wondering.

    I'm on day 10, although today wasn't perfect from a recovery point of view. I once read something about addiction being like having an "inner salesman" who tries to persuade you about how great it would be to give in to the addiction.

    So yeah I did give in a little and briefly looked at a P-sub. Definitely not worth it, damn that salesman! Lol.

    If it wasn't raining at the time I would have gone for a walk instead. I can't rely on dry weather in my part of the world however, so I better do other things instead.
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  2. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Active Member

    So true :D

    If you slipped and looked at a P-sub it's not ideal sure, but still you then regrouped and didn't proceed to relapse. Good work right there !

    How about some book reading when it rains outside, with a cup of tea ? If not, a good movie. Or, perhaps going out to have a beer/coffee with a buddy ?

    Just shooting some random options... ;)
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  3. Merton

    Merton Well-Known Member

    Indeed. Great work on keeping yourself away from a relapse.
  4. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    He's damn good. The kind that can sell pretty much anything.

    I find walking in the rain to be very relaxing. Perhaps investing in a good rainjacket is something to consider?
  5. occams_razor

    occams_razor Active Member

    Thanks. I do have plenty of interests that don't require me to leave the house. Or indeed I could go out and get a coffee or whatever.

    I think the main problem was not managing my mood well enough. It was a case of, "Argh, I've got urges and I can't go for a walk because of the weather and I've got all this boring work to do and everything is annoying me!".

    I just needed to calm down a little. Having a shower probably would have helped a lot. Maybe a bit of exercise first.

    I have done a lot of walking in the rain. Lately I've been more inclined to avoid it, partly to avoid colds and so on. Or just to avoid dealing with wet and possibly dirty clothes afterwards. I'll think about getting more suitable clothing though!

    Cheers. A relapse would really bring my mood down.
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  6. occams_razor

    occams_razor Active Member

    Something "bad" happened to me yesterday but I think it'll turn out for the best. I was going down a path in my life which I don't think suited me (this is nothing to do with recovery by the way). Now something has been taken away from me but I think I'm better off without it. It's a case of the "freedom of limits".

  7. occams_razor

    occams_razor Active Member

    I have never and will never do a pun on erections. Touch wood.

    (Stewart Francis)
    Merton likes this.
  8. occams_razor

    occams_razor Active Member

    Okay, I slipped up a little yesterday with P-subs and the like. The stressful event last weekend was a big factor. Perhaps even bigger factors are adjusting to the resulting changes in my day-to-day life and thinking about making yet more changes!

    Yet another factor was using my laptop computer. I normally use a desktop PC or a phone or tablet. In earlier streaks I would deliberately hide away my laptop. The laptop developed an issue with its power cable, which helped. The other day I fixed this issue (ridiculously simple fix) but shortly afterwards I was giving in to rationalisations.

    Why are laptops an issue? Portability, easy typing and old associations I guess.

    Fortunately there was no P or MO, but I know that maximum strictness is the way to go.
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  9. occams_razor

    occams_razor Active Member

    It seems like the gods, and my own stupidity, have decided that I must suffer one last reset.

    If I was a stricter person I would have called Wednesday's "slip" a reset anyway. For what it's worth I was on Day 21, or Day 4 if we're being strict about it.

    There are other factors but it is it worth talking about them? Some guys like to write about things that triggered them but then their journals can be triggering to other people, and probably themselves when they read over what they've written.

    I'm rambling a bit. Long story short, I messed up, now let's do this and change the world!
    Merton likes this.
  10. occams_razor

    occams_razor Active Member

    I was watching a YouTube video. The guy said a lot of people are doing things wrong when they try to, for example, lose weight and exercise more. They take a "no pain, no gain" approach. This makes them think they're being virtuous in one respect, which makes them more likely to be less virtuous in other respects. Also, when they achieve some results they'll probably abandon the regime.

    Instead of dieting, it's better to pick one thing you have an issue with - perhaps chocolate - and decide to quit it for good. I'm just a person who doesn't eat chocolate. Once you've mastered that, pick something else. This is a more sustainable approach which doesn't lead to acting out in other ways (or replacing addictions with other addictions).

    Online chat remains an issue with me at times, so maybe I should focus on becoming a person who just doesn't do that anymore. I'm a non-line chatter! That was a pretty bad pun.

    Even though I've recognised this as a problem for a long time, it's pretty easy to rationalise my way into online chat in some form. It's very often the first step of a relapse.

    I just don't do that anymore.

    (I'm not focusing on the day count, but for future reference I'm on Day 1, yesterday was Day Zero)
  11. -Luke-

    -Luke- Active Member

    Yes the first step is always the most innocent but you have to stop yourself before you take it if you know what comes next. For me it was always facebook, instagram or just plain google images. "Hey, I'll just check what's new on instagram. No big deal". From there it escalates to some slightly more dangerous content and so on. Fifteen minutes later I'm on a porn site. The mistake wasn't to go to the porn site (well, it is, but still) but to take the first step. There's this famous Chinese proverb "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step". It's used in a positive way but you can also use it differently. If you're on the wrong path that began with a single (wrong) step, too.
    occams_razor likes this.
  12. occams_razor

    occams_razor Active Member

    I'm on Day 7 now, and it's been a good seven days from a recovery point of view. I didn't cheat in any way that I can recall.

    I have an accountability partner these days. I wasn't really looking for one, but it kind of happened. That might partly explain why I write less here these days. I still log in here every day though. I'll try and write more often.

    I've been listening to Patrick Wyman's Fall of Rome podcast, which is interesting.

    Right I'll leave it there for now.

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