Words of a Wounded Warrior

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by occams_razor, Jan 4, 2019.

  1. occams_razor

    occams_razor Well-Known Member

    That was such a dumb reset earlier today. Hopefully the sheer stupidity of it all has woken me up.

    Note to self - I can do this. I know healthy ways of making myself feel better. I have the power to avoid all that bad stuff for the rest of my life. However, my power can quickly go away if I start doing anything that the addiction wants, no matter how trivial it seems.

    "His jest will savour but of shallow wit,
    When thousands weep more than did laugh at it."
    Merton likes this.
  2. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    True Story. It always begins with small and insignificant things. That's something I realized as well. There are a few steps leading to a relapse. We have to stop before step 1. As insignificant as step 1 may sound.
    occams_razor likes this.
  3. occams_razor

    occams_razor Well-Known Member

    Some people on the forum have been writing about how it's better to be moving forward and doing new things instead of just taking a kind of defensive approach to the addiction. That's true to an extent, but it's still important to have some defensive strategies at the ready for those inevitable tricky times.

    I've found some information which could really help with the "mood swings" I talk about. Learning about and applying this information is also distracting me from the addiction.

    You could almost argue that this is the single most important thing. Newcomers in particular often think it's just about avoiding porn and/or masturbation. I was no exception to that rule. The real trick is to avoid the thoughts and behaviours that lead to you being in danger of PMO.
    -Luke-, SeekingWisdom and Merton like this.
  4. occams_razor

    occams_razor Well-Known Member

    A reset, again basically because of chat and P-subs. Some fantasising as well I guess.

    I don't feel too bad at the moment. I regret the reset, obviously, but usually I feel worse afterwards.

    I had talked about one exception to my "no online chat" rule. That was occasional YouTube live streams. Well I'll be avoiding those as well. The streams aren't triggering, but people sometimes say triggering things in the chat etc., plus I just have that "association", so no chat whatsoever from now on.

    You ain't seen the last of Occam's Razor.

    Day 0/10,000+
    -Luke-, Thelongwayhome27 and Merton like this.
  5. occams_razor

    occams_razor Well-Known Member

    Quick update. I had a decent day today. Busy, but pretty good.

    The addiction, in its various forms, must be TERMINATED.

    See you soon.
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.
  6. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    Busy is often good ! To take our minds off the addiction ... See you soon!
    occams_razor likes this.
  7. occams_razor

    occams_razor Well-Known Member

    I've been meaning to update this journal more often this week. Oh well.

    I've had some tricky times this week, both with urges and moods. Not too extreme though, and I think I'm over the worst of it. I've been enjoying the nights anyway, even if the days can be hard.

    "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.”
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  8. occams_razor

    occams_razor Well-Known Member

    A decent day today. The weather was beautiful and things were generally fine.

    Maybe I'll leave it there!
    Merton likes this.
  9. occams_razor

    occams_razor Well-Known Member

    Technically I'm on Day Seven but not every day of that streak has been high-quality. I didn't always do enough to avoid fantasising, P-subs and so on.

    So let's change that.

    Let's make other changes while we're at it. Life is a blank canvas.
  10. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Any progress is good progress, I think.
  11. occams_razor

    occams_razor Well-Known Member

    Thanks. Yeah that's true, but there's a big difference between a low-quality streak and a high-quality streak.

    A high-quality streak involves completely avoiding P (if you accidentally see some, look away etc. immediately), doing your best to avoid P-subs, avoiding all masturbation and "edging", and so on.
  12. occams_razor

    occams_razor Well-Known Member

    This week has been high-quality when it comes to recovery, I'm happy to say. I've had temptations but I didn't give in to them.

    Although last weekend was a mixed bag, I did rediscover my love of martial arts. I used to be obsessed with them. Whether it's western, eastern, unarmed, armed, historical, modern, I love it! A great distraction from the addiction. I don't have to be actually practising them all the time, learning about them is fun as well. In fact I definitely wouldn't say I'm a great martial artist or anything like that, it's just an interest of mine (and I can do a few things).

    In other news it seems that according to pretty much everything I read, the cure for everything is mindfulness or yoga. Or both. I'll try and do more mindfulness anyway. I did some walking meditation earlier. I think reading certain books is almost a mindfulness exercise. Hmm maybe I'm sounding pretentious now lol. The point I'm trying to make is that it can be more of a casual thing that you can do without realising it. Just because you're not in a mindfulness class doesn't mean you're not doing it. Or something like that.

    Better go, stay clean!
    Merton likes this.
  13. occams_razor

    occams_razor Well-Known Member

    Day 14 of 10,000

    Some temptations today.

    Overall this week was much better than last week in terms of recovery. No P-sub viewing that I can recall.

    Later this week I'll do the final step involved in deleting a chat program account. Then after a period of time the account should get deleted. That'll help.

    There's another website to avoid. The site used to be triggering but isn't anymore, at least not obviously. But it's kind of a "middle circle" thing.

    Right I'm outta here. Martial arts remain a good distraction!
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  14. occams_razor

    occams_razor Well-Known Member

    A quick note.

    I saw a post by a guy on another similar forum. This guy didn't watch porn, as far as I gathered from his post, but he kind of "fell in love" with a cam girl, you could say. He ended up meeting up with the cam girl in real life several times even though she lived far away. And he experienced PIED a couple of times with her. That's kind of interesting because it's the same girl he "cammed" with.

    For me it's more evidence that all online "fun" should be avoided. I could imagine a situation where, let's say a husband has to travel far away for work or something. Then the husband and wife get into a habit of having online "fun" with each other. When the husband finally gets home, he has developed PIED from it!
    Merton likes this.
  15. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    I really like that. :)

    Enjoy the rest of the 9986 days.
    occams_razor likes this.
  16. SeekingWisdom

    SeekingWisdom Member

    this made me lol. I love it. Should be to goal of all of us on here.
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  17. occams_razor

    occams_razor Well-Known Member

    It might not be a great idea to focus on this too much, but I think I've avoided P for about six months! I haven't been to one of "those" sites, and I didn't look at it in any other form.

    I can't say the same for P-subs and online chat, but oh well.
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  18. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    I have to stay away from online chat as well.

    What are P-subs ? I thought that was P...

    If you're 6 months off the P sites ("those sites"), that's amazing stuff man.
  19. occams_razor

    occams_razor Well-Known Member

    Absolutely. At best it's a waste of time; at worst it's as bad as P.

    P-substitutes. Opinions differ I'm sure, but let's say you're attracted to a certain politician, and you deliberately seek out an image (or ten) of her, and the images show her in typical politician clothes. I count that as P-sub use. Also if you saw her in a magazine and you decided to stare at the image for a few minutes or whatever length of time, rather than moving on immediately once you realise what you're doing. That's also P-sub use.

    Are P-subs the same as P? Yes and no. On the one hand there's an obvious difference between looking at a picture of a fully-clothed politician and looking at something on a P site. On the other hand, looking at the politician may well escalate to looking at worse stuff.

    Plus, when I was growing up I used to be a heavy P-sub user, before I had access to P. It's not nearly as bad for you to do this, but it's still significantly bad for you.

    Thanks! Now for six months without P-subs and online chat as well (exception - talking to technical support or something lol).
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  20. occams_razor

    occams_razor Well-Known Member

    I just did that.
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