Words of a Wounded Warrior

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by occams_razor, Jan 4, 2019.

  1. Merton

    Merton Active Member

    Great work man! You are showing the way for others like me.
     
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  2. occams_razor

    occams_razor Member

    Thanks! I think I'm still in the process of finding the way, but that's fine.

    Pretty tired today after sleeping badly last night. I've been listening to a podcast episode which is fascinating, and relevant to this site I would say. I haven't heard the whole thing yet. I know I keep saying I'll talk more about this and that, but there's something else to add the list lol.
     
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  3. occams_razor

    occams_razor Member

    That podcast can be found by searching for "chatterjee podcast episode 50". In it, Rangan Chatterjee talks to Cal Newport about "How Social Media Could Be Making You Ill" lol.

    I'll quote my list of things to avoid again:

    -P
    -M
    -P-subs
    -Chat rooms, chat programs (possible exception for occasional YouTube live streams)
    -Dating sites and apps
    -Ogling people
    -Fantasising


    I recently eased up on a couple of those things (he says euphemistically) because I was attempting to find like-minded people online. I tried this site which is kind of a social media / dating site for specific types of people (apologies for vagueness). Profile photos weren't required but many people had them. Some were a little triggering, but they weren't ridiculous or anything. Nonetheless, ogling was a risk. P-subs were a risk.

    I also found myself briefly in a chat room or two (edit - including a chat room that was part of that site I was talking about!). I didn't do anything stupid in them, but you can see how if I break a rule or two, pretty soon I'm breaking more rules. Fortunately I didn't P, M or O. And arguably I didn't break the P-sub rule.

    Anyway, lesson learned (again). Yesterday I deleted my account with that site and I'm going back to enforcing all the rules on that list!

    Meeting people can be done offline, or if I must use the internet, there are Meetup groups and other things advertised online.

    Oh yeah, if you listen to that podcast you might think about even this website a little differently... But in this site's defence, any potentially troublesome features it might have (hint: "like" button) pale in comparison to those sites we used to use.
     
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  4. Merton

    Merton Active Member

    A most appropriate time to like this post
     
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  5. Rick_C137

    Rick_C137 New Member

    I'd be interested, how you solved that thing with the procrastination.

    I think much of my procrastination stems from the red pill stuff and seeing this futility in working atm. On the other hand, I start developing a drive to escape this all ...

    A quick walk sounds like a really good idea, when the weather allows it, I do this, too.
    We got really disconnected from nature. I think this may be indeed a reason for many problems.
    Quite ironic, that humans invented all this stuff to finally not being at the mercy of nature, and this backfires in ways not imagined before.
    The "solution" may be simple to figure out: Leave the useful things, and cut out the "bad" modern things from your life. Implementation of that is not that easy ...

    The abstract sounds really interesting and very true. I've downloaded the podcast. Idk when I will listen to it. My to watch/to listen/to read list is just growing and growing ...

    This is pretty similar to the stuff in the NBA book.
    Similar to the foodplan, this other voice in your head starts trying to persuade you to break one of these rules.

    I'd never had thought, that removing P and the other items on the list you wrote would take out SO MUCH fuel from the addiction.
     
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2019
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  6. occams_razor

    occams_razor Member

    I had to do quite a lot of walking around in another town today, which was great. Both the walking and being in a different environment made me feel good.

    As for the procrastination, well I had several things that I needed to do, but I was having trouble starting any of them. Instead I was wasting time in stupid websites like that social media thing I was talking about. Eventually I had to go outside to do something, and just decided to go for a quick walk. The sky was beautiful and I quickly felt WAY better. So when I got back inside I was more motivated to actually do something.

    We have a habit of trying to work everything out with our supposedly logical, conscious minds. Sometimes we just need to do something which will improve the state of both our unconscious and conscious minds, if that makes any sense. If it doesn't make sense, don't worry, just go for a walk! lol

    Yeah. Maybe it's not as hard as we think though. I also started feeling better pretty soon after going back to my rules and avoiding pointless social media.

    Yes, very similar.

    That reminds me of all those times I've read advice saying things like "Get to know what your triggers are and try to avoid them etc." In plainer language:

    If something reminds you of the addiction, avoid it if possible.
    If something causes increased urges and/or rationalisations, avoid it if possible.

    You could put those things in a list of things to avoid, like mine:

    -P
    -M
    -P-subs
    -Chat rooms, chat programs (possible exception for occasional YouTube live streams)
    -Dating sites and apps
    -Ogling people
    -Fantasising
     
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  7. occams_razor

    occams_razor Member

    My mood is not quite as good as it was when I wrote the last post lol. I'm okay at the moment, but I've been feeling a bit low at times.

    I still struggle to avoid things like chat rooms and basically the whole concept of using the internet in order to meet people, whether I'm looking for a like-minded friend, a relationship, or less innocent stuff.

    If I avoid all that internet bad stuff, I'm happier, sleep better, feel less lonely etc. etc. and yet I often struggle to avoid it. But the world is so crazy, and basically always has been, so it's not a great surprise that I'm a bit weird.

    What did Marcus Aurelius say? Something like, "If the world is random, don't you too be random."
     
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  8. occams_razor

    occams_razor Member

    Day 78 of avoiding:
    • P
    • P-subs
    • M
    • O (except for a wet dream, which of course is involuntary)

    Day 1 of avoiding:
    • Chat rooms
    • Chat programs
    • Dating sites and similar things

    The good news is that although I've looked at chat rooms and stuff at times during the last 78 days, I didn't engage in any, let's say "stupid" chats or anything. Still, not good enough. My methods include:

    1. Mental resistance to urges and rationalisations. Also, strategies based on the mind and body (which could be as simple as deliberately thinking of other things instead).

    2. Taking action, such as leaving the room, leaving the house, having a shower, going somewhere where there are other people around and so on.

    3. Getting inspired by books etc. about beating addictions or just general self-help stuff (I'm using the term "self-help" in a broader sense than is sometimes derogatorily used)


    One issue with number 3 above is that sometimes I've got a "good" intention to let's say, be more sociable, meet new people and so on. But then the urges and rationalisations to use chat rooms or dating sites might kick in, hijacking my good intentions.

    Enough for now.

    Know your enemy. Resist your enemy. Improve morale.
     
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  9. Merton

    Merton Active Member

    Amazing! Keep on going.
     
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  10. occams_razor

    occams_razor Member

    Day 82 of avoiding P, M and (voluntary) O

    Day 5 of avoiding online chat and dating-type sites


    I'm feeling fairly in control of the addiction at the moment, in the sense that I know to avoid things that encourage me to mess up:

    • P
    • P-subs
    • M
    • Chat rooms / programs
    • Dating sites and similar things

    If I'm strict about avoiding all the bad stuff, things are much easier and life is easier.

    I suspect I'm not as fit as I used to be, so hopefully tomorrow I'll get a long walk in, and much of it will be uphill. I'm probably still fitter than the average person, but that isn't much of an achievement these days lol
     
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  11. occams_razor

    occams_razor Member

    I had a "fake" wet dream last night, in that I "orgasmed" while dreaming, but when I woke up I was dry down there. I get these a little more often than real wet dreams, but neither occur very frequently.

    I did quite a lot of things today, considering it was Sunday. There are still many more things still to do in general. Is that just modern life or has it been that way for a long time? I had the thought earlier that wasting time and energy on PMO would be pretty stupid, when there are so many other things to apply time and energy towards. And when I'm not busy there are a million better things I could be doing, including sitting there doing nothing! lol

    I went for a walk but it wasn't overly long, partly from bad weather early in the day and partly from being busy and a little tired I guess. Let's do a longer one tomorrow, and maybe a quick workout afterwards.
     
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  12. occams_razor

    occams_razor Member

    I'm still avoiding P, P-subs, M and O.

    I did slip up a little in my goal of totally avoiding chat rooms, dating sites and similar things. I didn't do anything stupid though (well, nothing TOO stupid lol). There's this illusion that the internet can help me find something worthwhile in real life, when I don't think it can really. It's generally easier to cut out the internet "middleman" and just do things in the real world.

    I've been doing something that I normally find very stressful, but I'm not finding it too bad at the moment. I just focus on the next little step that needs doing. I'm also mildly excited about a couple of hobby projects I've started.
     
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  13. occams_razor

    occams_razor Member

    A Significant Day?

    I finally got to 90 days, my friends.

    I had a fairly pleasant morning, and then I headed out to do some things. The weather was horrendous, which interfered with my plans somewhat. I'll be heading out again soon but it should be a more relaxing excursion this time - unless the weather or something else interferes with that plan too!

    Hopefully I'll write more later. In the meantime, here's something which might be useful to someone. I read the book this is based on a while back. I didn't bother taking the online test, I just decided I must be a "Rebel". The page talks about smoking, but it can be applied to other addictions. I was never a smoker. So for what it's worth:

    https://gretchenrubin.com/2017/10/trying-to-quit-smoking
     
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  14. Merton

    Merton Active Member

    Congratulations!!! This is a major achievement. What do you think helped you this time to get so far? I will definitely be checking out the link.
     
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  15. occams_razor

    occams_razor Member

    Thanks a lot! That's a very good question. Partly it's just down to the fact that I've been trying to overcome this addiction for what, three-and-a-half years? And I don't trust my sense of time, it could be more and that. Although I relapsed countless times, I was never one to forget about trying altogether for an extended period of time. That's probably because since I started trying this, I knew it was the right way to go. I could feel it. It still didn't stop me messing up again and again lol.

    More soon. You're all heroes, thanks for helping me get this far.
     
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  16. occams_razor

    occams_razor Member

    (I'll try and communicate things that have helped me)

    Don't get caught defenceless by urges and rationalisations. You can "build a wall" in your mind lol, that stops those bad guys in their tracks.

    Put things between you and the addiction. Make it physically harder to relapse, yes, but also use mental and emotional "things" such as thoughts, attitudes, beliefs, strategies, techniques, self-help etc.


    That link might help to explain why there doesn't appear to be a "one size fits all" method of overcoming the addiction.
     
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  17. occams_razor

    occams_razor Member

    Unfortunately I'll have to announce the end of that streak at 93 days. I didn't look at P, so that's something.

    A chat room led to a rationalisation led to P-subs led to O.

    I think the main problem (apart from chat rooms) was a "case of the milestones". I got to 90 days, then thought, what now? I was focused more on other ways to improve my life. Nothing wrong with that, but I was trying to do too much too soon I think. Recovery has helped A LOT, but hasn't cured me of all my hangups.

    I did avoid P, M and O (except for a wet dream) for the duration of that streak. Also, in the last 181 days I've only had four resets including today's. No chasers.

    I didn't entirely avoid chat rooms during that streak, but I did very little in the chat rooms (did a bit more today), if you know what I mean. No deliberate use of P-subs either, until today obviously.

    I feel the need to apologise lol. Oh well.
     
    Last edited: Mar 7, 2019
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  18. Merton

    Merton Active Member

    I’m sorry to hear about the reset. Given your recent history I am sure this will be only a minor blip.
     
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  19. occams_razor

    occams_razor Member

    Thanks Merton!

    Maybe I couldn't handle the success of getting to 90 days lol. Maybe "Never Binge Again" is right when it says don't count days after a certain point.

    If I must count, my other method is more helpful, probably: 4 resets in 182 days. That reminds me both of my progress and my ability to mess up.

    When I reset yesterday I remember feeling groggy beforehand, so that's a warning sign for me.

    One kind of good thing is that I haven't been to a P-site in ages.
     
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  20. occams_razor

    occams_razor Member

    I spoke a bit too soon there. One of those "little steps" caused me stress to the max - maximum stress (very obscure reference there).

    Still no chaser effect or anything like that though. If a mentalist like me can have some success at this, anyone can! lol
     

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