Words of a Wounded Warrior

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by occams_razor, Jan 4, 2019.

  1. occams_razor

    occams_razor Active Member

    I haven't had many urges since my last post. My mood wasn't the best yesterday, as a result of a lot of minor stresses happening one after the other. I also had to make an annoying decision or two which brought back bad memories.

    Later, I woke up in the middle of the night, feeling somewhat depressed. I turned my lamp on, thinking I might take another look at The Power of Now, a book I've read a few times. Instead I noticed Loving What Is, by Byron Katie, on the shelf. This is a book I started but didn't get very far into it. Someone gave it to me after they finished reading it. I didn't take the book down and start reading it. Instead I thought of the books's four questions, or at least how I remembered them:

    1. Is it true? (i.e. is whatever negative thing you're thinking true)
    2. Is it absolutely true?
    3. Who would you be without that story?
    4. Imagine your (idea of a) perfect world.

    That's how I remember the questions. I did a quick google and the last two questions are different. I don't know, maybe the book gives you options. Anyway, it was quite a good way to stop thinking negatively.

    Something I forgot to mention in the previous post (warning - bodily functions). I often notice that when I relapse, I feel uncomfortably "empty" in, I guess, my prostate area. Lately I've had the opposite probem - feeling really full down there, to the point where sometimes when I sat down I could feel the pressure, if you know what I mean. Also I mentioned in a previous post some unusual bodily function stuff which is related to this issue.

    I did a quick Google search and found a page where guys were discussing this. A couple of guys recommended the "stomach vacuum exercise" (a quick copy and paste from a workout site: "To execute the Stomach Vacuum, stand upright and place your hands on your hips, and exhale all the air out of your lungs, completely. Expand your chest, and bring your stomach in as much as possible, and hold. Visualize trying to touch your navel to your backbone. One isometric contraction of "X" seconds is one repetition.")

    I did that several times throughout the day. Either because of the exercise, or because the situation resolved itself, I haven't felt that excessive fullness, nor had the related issues since.
     
    Merton and Thelongwayhome27 like this.
  2. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    I've also gotten, in the past, some different sensations down in that area when I've been ''hard mode clean'' for over 20 days. It usually went away on it's own after a while. I appreciated Tolle's The Power of Now and (although I'm still having problems in my life) think it has helped me quite a bit. I still read parts of it every now and then. It's very true but quite hard to put in practice on a daily basis. The mind wanders and worries (in my case).
     
    occams_razor and Merton like this.
  3. occams_razor

    occams_razor Active Member

    I had another mood swing yesterday. There's an obvious trigger for that (I'll apologise now for being vague about everything lol, this post will probably be unreadable). Someone offered to help me, as they see themselves as good at that particular thing. This just triggered me even more (and technically I have no problem with most of the necessary tasks, but try doing them when your body and mind are flooded with adrenaline and anger).

    They say don't make plans for the future when you're in a crappy mood. But crappy moods are part of my life. And thinking I'm cured of crappy moods happens as well (and is completely encouraged by society who never had the mood problems to begin with).

    Ah what a stupid post. Anyway, unfortunately I briefly broke one or two of my rules yesterday. Didn't P, M or O though (or look at a P-sub). Didn't engage in chat (did log in though).

    A minor blip. Moving on.
     
    Merton likes this.
  4. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    Sounds like you are navigating some troubled waters. Surely those are part of the process. Hang in there mate, your are doing good.
     
    occams_razor likes this.
  5. Merton

    Merton Well-Known Member

    Good job closing the chat without engaging!
     
    occams_razor likes this.
  6. occams_razor

    occams_razor Active Member

    Thanks!

    I had a rationalisation along these lines:

    "See, with those mood swings you'll never have a successful long-term relationship anyway. You may as well look for casual stuff."

    The first part of that might be true, or partly true. My longest relationship so far was about six months. Casual stuff isn't the answer though. I'm not saying everyone should avoid casual stuff, I'm just saying it doesn't work for me.

    I read in a book about the "inner critic" once that in one sense you can't win with those self-critical thoughts you get in your head. At the moment I can't quite remember the author's examples. I also noticed some examples of my own today but can't remember them either! Something like this anyway:

    "You'll never get any work done right now, you're too tired and grumpy. Just watch TV or something."

    So eventually you give in and watch TV.

    "You're so lazy, sitting around watching TV when there's work to be done!" lol

    I haven't finished that book yet, but among the tips the author gives is to treat the inner critic like a young kid who is talking nonsense. Just kind of smile and humour it without taking it seriously at all.

    In other news I found another website which might help me with my mood swings.
     
    Last edited: Jan 21, 2019
  7. occams_razor

    occams_razor Active Member

    (I updated the previous post)
     
    Merton likes this.
  8. occams_razor

    occams_razor Active Member

    It feels like ages since my last post but it was only two days ago.

    Mood swings were back yesterday while I grappled with a difficult decision. In the end I decided not to do it. I've tried it several times before anyway, and failed. You can't say I never tried.

    I thought of an idea for a "meetup" group which could be fairly cool. For the moment I'll concentrate on recovering from the mood swings and so on.

    The good news is, I'm living proof that you can go through all kinds of moods without relapsing! There's room for improvement of course, as always.
     
  9. Merton

    Merton Well-Known Member

    Great work staying afloat throughout the storm! You are a great example for everyone.
     
  10. Rick_C137

    Rick_C137 New Member

    Hi everyone,
    I decided to follow @occams_razor and join up here.
    And nice to see you more active here. I really enjoyed our conversations back then and hope we will continue them here.

    I can agree with you on the previous forum, and the trolls/users probably caused some mods to be overzealous as well ...

    This forum looks indeed quite tidy.
    Has only a fraction of users compared to our previous forum.
    On the other hand regarding the message count, seems really active here.

    I'm feeling motivated to move here completely, too.

    Do you know people with PMO addiction in your vicinity, or how do you imaginge the "meetup" group ?

    Kudos for staying strong.
    How did you manage to go through that, just a firm resolution or something else as well ?
    Did you try meditation to cope with the moodswings ?


    Have a great weekend !
     
    Last edited: Jan 26, 2019
  11. occams_razor

    occams_razor Active Member

    I had a wet dream last night. Fairly typical, for me, after 53 days hard mode. It's probably a good thing after my recent feelings of fullness in the prostate area. I also have a theory that perhaps it's good for the prostate to get full like that sometimes, to give it a bit of exercise? Who knows. The dream itself was quite healthy and innocent, if that makes any difference I don't know.
    The dream consisted of me dancing with a girl

    The wet dream didn't seem to have any adverse effect on my confidence or anything. My libido was probably higher than usual today. I should probably be extra cautious for the next couple of days, in case there's any chaser effect going on.

    Good to see you! Yeah we had good conversations. Perhaps we should focus more on things we can control here (or at least, have some control over)?

    Good point about the overzealous mods.

    Yeah I'm liking the fact that there are fewer users here. Like you say, there is plenty of activity.

    I'm not entirely sure if I'll go ahead with the meetup group (I'm better at coming up ideas than following through with them all), but I'll take some kind of action towards getting together with people (or a person). Maybe I won't talk about it much yet. It won't be specifically about PMO addiction, no.

    Thanks!

    Maybe those questions deserve a longer answer soon.

    You too!
     
  12. Rick_C137

    Rick_C137 New Member

    Yeah, sure, this makes sense. New year, new forum and a new focus on finally getting rid of this addiction.

    I started my log here as well and I plan to save most of the other content for the dedicated MGTOW communities.
    But I'm convinced that some of the "global" societal problems are one of the main causes of our addiction. So I'll avoid this stuff in your thread and mention it only sometimes in my thread, when I think it's an useful insight and helps getting getting rid of the addiction.

    Hehe, the first part sounds quite familiar ...

    Sure, just post if you want to and when you've got interesting related to that ;)
     
  13. occams_razor

    occams_razor Active Member

    I couldn't agree more, but as I've said before, I'm not an MGTOW guy lol. We both see problems with the status quo. That opens up an infinite amount of possibilities, theoretically, not just MGTOW stuff. But if that stuff helps you, great!

    Your use of the word "global" reminds me of the expression "think global, act local". That's probably good advice.

    It's not necessarily a bad thing to be more of an ideas person than a "follow through on everything" person. It's just that nowadays generally the "ideas person" is undervalued. During the Renaissance it was a different story...

    Ideally I'd rather not get into that world of using the internet as a means to get together with a person or persons. That can lead to some dodgy areas that get talked about on sites like this! But nowadays we're kind of stuck with the internet to a certain extent.
     
  14. Rick_C137

    Rick_C137 New Member

    Yes, and I still don't want to put any label on you.
    I was probably in this sort of rage phase as well, and this manifests in different ways, one was to (more or less aggressively) posting mgtow links, which hopefully were related to the topic.
    I can see now, why people get annoyed with mgtow, it's probably due to these vocal rage-phase guys ...

    I've stumbled several times across this witty quote (often in different wordings).
    And indeed, if we focus on changing and improving ourselves, then work together with others and help them, the change in the society&world will come almost by itself ...
    So as you said, let's focus more on things we can control here.

    I didn't mean it negatively. I just noted that it is really familiar to me, as have (or had) often ideas, but I didn't follow through on them. Usually due to lazyness/lack of motivation/lethargy/negative thoughts ...

    Sadly, with the internet, I feel it's like "You're damned if you do, damned if you don't."
    Now as I'm in witty quote mode, I did think several times of the quote "computers help us to solve problems we didn't have without them" (I translated it, I don't know the correct wording but there must be something like that in English).
    Same applies to the internet. It helps us now to solve problems, we didn't have without it.

    But I guess, in the end it's still a net positive ?

    Tbh, I find it quite difficult to meet people over the internet. Maybe I'm doing it wrong :p
    But ok, I also haven't tried these dating sites etc, again due to lazyness, and probably b/c of analyzing too much (while reading the PUA stuff). At the end, I'm actually quite content, that I haven't wasted time with tinder and apps like that.

    First I also didn't get it, but maybe that's indeed more of a concern for you, when you using such services, not to land on the wrong meetup / chat sites as it's entangled with your addiction habbits.

    Maybe you start with the question of what kind of people you actually want to meet, and then look for a dedicated (online) community and from there you can maybe look for offline meetings, so you stay as far as possible from the dodgy areas.
     
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2019
  15. occams_razor

    occams_razor Active Member

    Just a quick update as I haven't got the energy or time to reply to everything right now lol.

    A work in progress thing: How can you beat this addiction?


    1. The mind. Your mind is your first line of defence. That might sound strange to you because you're thinking of all those urges and rationalisations that seem to come from your mind. Well, they come from a part of your mind, what I sometimes call the "addict mind".

    But you can use the rest of your mind to resist this "addict mind".


    2. The environment. Although the mind is very powerful, sometimes it could do with some help. If the urges are getting very strong, try leaving the room you're in, or the environment you're in. Do something which might make you feel a little better, such as brushing your teeth, showering, changing your clothes, going for a walk etc.


    3. (Very "work in progress") Inspiration. There's plenty of information out there, not just about PMO addiction but all kinds of addictions - you'd be surprised how similar different addictions can be. Then there are all kinds of ways you can help yourself in general, or help others and in doing so help yourself etc. etc.
     
  16. occams_razor

    occams_razor Active Member

    Posting links is fairly okay, because you can just choose whether or not to click on them. That being said, they can take up a bit of room in a journal, possibly giving the journal a misleading appearance, like: "This journal is all about MGTOW videos!" lol

    Yes, a similar quote is "Be the change you want to see in the world." I might talk more about this general idea soon.

    It's possible that you have more ideas than you can possibly follow through on. I think I'm the same. It's not a bad thing really, as long as you have a decent go at some of them. With the other ideas, that you won't follow through on, you could mention them to others who might have a go at them, or just write them down somewhere and take a look at them later. Maybe I'll keep a dedicated "ideas" notebook. I remember I used to keep a notebook and pen by my bed sometimes, or in a bag I carry around (I still do this often actually), in case I get any ideas, or think of things I need to do or buy lol.

    I remember an audio clip of Alan Watts talking about how technology creates a load of problems, and he died in 1973! Hopefully it's a net positive (there's a pun there!), as long as we use it in a fairly wise way.

    Today I saw something on a public noticeboard that I would have been interested in. Unfortunately it started last September lol. I'm not sure if it's still going on. I just looked it up and I see that the time it's on isn't that convenient but some weeks I could make it. Still don't know if it's still going on, that can be an issue sometimes as well. Once I turned up for something that was advertised online only to find that apparently it wasn't on at all.

    Online "meetups" are a good way of meeting people. I can recommend those. I wouldn't recommend dating sites and stuff like Tinder, personally, although everyone is different. Perhaps a more "specialised" dating site would be okay for people with specific preferences.

    Good point, and it's always good to stay away from dodgy areas such as chat rooms lol. Even if you don't have a chat room problem, stay away as it's a massive waste of time lol.
     
    Rick_C137 and Merton like this.
  17. occams_razor

    occams_razor Active Member

    Quick update.

    Things are pretty good. I've been doing "loving-kindness" meditation, although I haven't done it yet today. Seems like a great thing to do regularly. I'll talk more about that soon.

    One issue is fantasising. It's about real women, not those pixellated idiots, but still. Let's avoid that.
     
  18. occams_razor

    occams_razor Active Member

    Unfortunately I haven't done the "loving-kindness" meditation as often as I'd like to (about fifteen minutes every day would be good). It's been a pretty busy week in general, and there's always something "more important" to do, such as the dishes! That's the problem with meditation, even when I'm finding it helpful and enjoyable, I tend to prioritise pretty much everything else instead. I'll describe the meditation in my next post hopefully, as there are probably infinite variations on the idea.

    I read Johann Hari's book "Lost Connections" recently. This is a book exploring why depression seems to be increasing all the time, and explores various ways the problem might be rectified. Very interesting. In fact the loving-kindness meditation is mentioned in the book, though I had heard of it before.

    I've been thinking about other things in the book as well. I might talk about them soon.

    Recovery is good. No strong urges or anything.

    I think number 1, The mind, is neglected quite often. I used to neglect it a lot myself. Instead I'd try and rely on "keeping busy" or whatever else.


    Anyway, I've been procrastinating about a few little things, so I'll have a go at them now.
     
    Merton likes this.
  19. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    Glad to hear you're staying the course and doing well. I've been procrastinating a whole lot lately as well. In fact, today, I've been mindlessly surfing online for a lot of hours when I it would have been a better thing for me to put in a few hours of work. For the meditation, what works for me, in keeping the habit almost on a daily basis, is to do it in the morning and in the evenings, and to log it on a piece of paper with the date and the time I meditate. I usually meditate 10 - 15 or 20 mins each time. I'll have the odd day when I don't do it but I usually keep a chain going. I think it really does make a difference but it's not either like the cure for everything but another very good tool in the toolbox. It's like a pill for calmness, but such a good and natural pill. Have a good rest of the weekend!
     
    Rick_C137, occams_razor and Merton like this.
  20. occams_razor

    occams_razor Active Member

    A quick note. I was struggling a bit with procrastination and general dissatisfaction today, but I just went for a quick five or ten minute walk and it made a world of difference!

    I think just more walking and hanging around outdoors would solve a lot of problems generally, not just for me but for most people.
     

Share This Page