Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by gettingthere, Apr 11, 2012.

  1. liveinthenow

    liveinthenow New Member

    Hi GettingThere!

    Sorry to hear about the relapse but echo everything else said. Your brain has changed, the days are just a benchmark, you are emphatically NOT the same person you where 3 months or so ago when you started this.

    Hang in there!
  2. gettingthere

    gettingthere New Member

    Day 2/105
    Thanks Live, Pil, Hope. I needed some encouragement yesterday and i still do today.
    These relapses hurt me because I realize I'm still vulnerable and can get out of control easily.
    I agree with you guys that chemically I've improved by working on rebooting for 105 days.
    It's just psychologically now I'm feeling crummy.
    I had developed a positive attitude and I don't know how to get it back.

    It's the positive state of mind that you guys evince that gives me some hope and strength.
    That is a true gift to impart to others here.
  3. Trev

    Trev New Member

    Hi gettingthere, this is temporary state - it is not permanent. If you look back on your previous reboot I am sure that you will realise that our states come and go - nothing is permanent. You may feel crummy now, but it will pass.

    If you had a positive attitude before, you will have it again.

    Do something positive right now, start creating your own positive attitude. Go for a walk, or contact a friends, or watch a funny movie. Do something that will make you feel good. This will help you to regain your positive attitude.

    Don't worry if people think you are out to lunch, many people won't. If it works for you, it works for you. We all have our own way of trying to make sense of this and life, whether spiritual or not.

    PMO can overide and shut down pretty much anything good in life. But you are not the PMO, none of us are.

    Keep going man!
  4. Sorry to hear GT!

    But hey, 103 days with a few glitches ( errr...."clutches") is pretty awesome. You brain just has to be getting better, huh? I'm starting over Day 1 today. My wife just came home early. Wish I felt like pouncing but I don't. I almost hope she doesn't get in the mood either. That's pretty F'd up , huh?

    Of course, it's all about me and what I want at any given moment, right? I started reading Cupid's Poison Arrow last night. It evokes thinking about life on a deeper level. I would recommend it to everyone, even though it seems to cater to married folks. Interesting stuff to be sure.

    Hang in there Bro!
  5. I-AM-A-MAN

    I-AM-A-MAN I Vow to Never Take Another Peek

    You fell off the horse, the horse didn't throw you! You already broke that horse months ago. Now you just need to get back in the saddle and continue your freedom ride.

    103 days, you built up some good habits and some positive inner self understanding. Great journal, keep at it brother!
  6. wayne_992

    wayne_992 New Member

    FOund it , yeah just keep ur head on straight and get straight back on the train man,
  7. rcfergie5

    rcfergie5 Guest

    You're getting there (pun intended lol). A little relapsing never hurt, as long as you don't binge, that is. 105 days into the reboot, that's great man! I'm at like 71 days into the reboot, and I've been a different person than I was 71 days ago, imagine how different I'll be when I'm at day 90, then 100. I'll have made a huge record number of days of no porn and masturbation respectively, then. Keep your chin up bro.
  8. gettingthere

    gettingthere New Member

    Day 3/106
    Sometimes you guys are literally lifelines. I've been feeling like I'm drowning lately.
    Trev, I'm a practical guy (you wouldn't believe it from some of my posts) and your advice about just doing something to feel good really helped me make it through the day.
    I-AM also that thing you said about the "freedom ride", well that's just inspiring. As men we want freedom, first and foremost.
    Rcf, brother, even that little physical gesture of picking my chin up subtly changes my mood. You're right.

    I'm still feeling down and I know it's not just because I relapsed.
    My girlfriend broke up with me.
    And 2 possible hookups have blown me off.
    One I was doing some pretty hot emailing with and we seemed ready to meet.
    She asked for a facial pic which I sent. I haven't heard from her since. What a blow to my already fragile ego.
    On top of everything else, now I'm ugly. (I'm really not, just feeling that way.)

    So the pussy PMO side of me kicks in and says you will never ever get laid. You won't get a woman to love you.
    Your right hand is all you will ever have. etc.

    I'm conflicted and it's seeping into my self-image.
    I don't know if I can live without some sexual outlet.
    And just as I typed that I realized it is complete bull. Not having sex won't kill anyone.
    It's not ideal but I can still lead a life as a good man. That's what counts.

    Guys, I'm sounding like Debbie Downer here.
    You're seeing Gettingthere at his worst (hopefully). I feel like a whining, weak girl. (no offense Nat)
    Today will get better.
  9. TrainingTheDragon

    TrainingTheDragon New Member

    Bro, going 103 days with no PMO is no small deal man. I really don't think you should consider everything down the tubes.

    As for needing a sexual outlet and not seeing anything in sight, I completely identify with that. Let me explain a little:

    Where I am right now, the chances of me getting laid are slim to none for the rest of the year and until I find a job. Women here are not outgoing, there are no singles bars or places to meet single women and sexual frustration is the norm. Reminding myself of that is a great way to get me to fall into the PMO grind again but I'm making an effort not to even though I don't see myself having sex for a long time man. The reason for this is elaborated in the last few posts of my journal. It's called How to Train my Dragon and you might find something to help you in there.
  10. I-AM-A-MAN

    I-AM-A-MAN I Vow to Never Take Another Peek

    Of course it seeps into your self image. Watching a bunch of dickheads with absurdly big pricks bang great looking gals over and over for a few decades of your life will do this :) It will make you feel not worthy of a womans affection. The reality is that THEY are not normal. Those pornstars are miserable people and all the sex in the world will not make them happy. They were born beautiful with every physical gift, yet their lives are totally unfulfilled, and i am sure they have more regrets bout their choices than most of us.

    So how do you define happiness? Obviously, too much sex does not bring happiness, just look at how many dickhead pornstars kill themselves. You have to detach from the notion that sex = happiness. IT DOES NOT.

    Go to a site like meetup dot com and join some local non-sexual groups like free thinkers or aethiest, or religious...whatever you are interested in. Volunteer some time at the local shelter. Stop the "hook up" methods for a few weeks and just go out into the world with no expectations of meeting or hooking up with gals. Chanel all that pent up energy and frustration into something positive that is not related to your penis :) haha, yI hope you know what I mean.

    good luck gettingthere!
  11. rcfergie5

    rcfergie5 Guest

    Some great advice there, I have to remind myself to not focus on meeting or hooking up with chicks, but instead focus on finding myself, while I'm still recovering. Do the same gettingthere, we believe in you!
  12. Hang in there GT! We're in it to win it, Dog! ( I bet Randy Jackson has to spank it after working next to that bubble-Butt J-Lo all the time. LOL)

    Seriously, those are some great observations by MAN. It ultimately gets depressing and demoralizing watching all those people fucking so much. It messes with your mind. I mean, people do fuck in the real world, around the clock all over the globe. BUT, with porn you know in your heart it's all about the money. Most situations that are all about money usually turn out badly for most involved. So how can it be fulfilling for us. Short answer: it's not.

    MAN was right. Try to just get out there and be in the world of people. There are nice folks around and who knows who you'll meet in the most unexpected places. Try to "follow your bliss" in a new way and it will get you thinking in a new, improved way. We're with you brother!
  13. fullset

    fullset Member

    That is so true. Good insights I-AM-A-MAN.
  14. gettingthere

    gettingthere New Member

    Day 4/107
    Thanks for the support guys. Iam you hit the nail on the head.
    I've equated lonliness with horniness. And sex with happiness.
    They are not the same thing. Maybe that lesson will sink into my thick skull if I let it.

    I made it through yesterday by getting out and doing some clothes shopping.
    I did needed to improve my appearance and my summer clothes were grungy.
    Then I went to the gym and had a hard workout.

    There is a top-flight beauty there named Alexandra and I've talked with her a few times when I felt some good male energy.
    I had told her I would just call her "Ralph", so I could remember her name. She thought it was funny and I also complemented her on her mind instead of her hot body. She looks around twenty-five.
    Yesterday we chatted and she tells me about her relationship with her parents, her past, how she likes to go home and have 3 glasses of wine. Then she told me she's almost 40.
    I got the idea that she was lonely and bored at night like me.
    Too bad there is not a climactic scene of ravishment as the grand finale.
    We both continued our separate work-outs.

    It's relevant to what you guys were saying about just getting out and that there's no telling what will happen.
    Here I'm talking to someone who is pretty far out of my league I figured and she's smiling at me and telling me personal things without my asking. It made me feel good--especially after the lousy luck I've had with women lately.
  15. See what I mean Bro? You just never know. Serendipity just from going to the gym. Good for you.
  16. Ryan0657

    Ryan0657 Member

    That's great news! And already 7 days deep!
    What really worked for me is setting short term goals of 15 days. In this case, 8 more days and you're there! As for your gym experience, don't put so much weight on the outcome of things -enjoy the journey, the pursuit and hunt. You'll find your objectives and goals landing in your lap when you don't put so much weight in the actual "finish". You've already rechannelled your manly sexual energy into the right place -- getting off your ass, out there and socializing. Women are attracted to men who socialize with anyone like its second nature to a guy. Sometimes, they even desire you more and wonder, "why wasn't he trying to jump my bones and use 'the game' to pick me up.

    Remember, it's a natural progression. The Hunter Man in you has awakened.
    Stay focused. You are rebuilding a better you, already.
  17. Champion

    Champion Back To Settle Unfinished Business

    GT, this is awesome man! Sounds like she really likes you. Don't think of yourself as being out of her league or anything like that. Just the fact that you're making an effort to recover from your P addiction is proof that you're an ambitious, smart and strong man i.e. a total catch.

    We have all seen ourselves in a certain light for so many years. It's time to change that image. After all, we are putting in the work, so we deserve it.
  18. gettingthere

    gettingthere New Member

    Day 6/109
    Thank you guys for the strong encouragement.
    Part of my personality refuses to take credit for anything good.
    So I'm learning to just say "thanks".
    Thanks guys.

    Everyone here has positive characteristics. Every woman has negative characteristics. (I know it's hard to believe!)
    Porn has made us see a distortion of the real woman in front of us.
    Of course every girl is not panting to get at our irresistable package.
    Of course every woman has deficiencies and insecurities, maybe more than our own.

    Guys, we should be on that pedestal. Champ you've picked the right screen name.
    We've all got some of the champ in us.
  19. RecoverED

    RecoverED Guest

    Sounds like a great interaction. Hopefully you'll continue to enjoy conversation with her and hit the gym.

    On a separate note, thanks for the words of encouragement on my journal. It was much appreciated.
  20. Hopefully

    Hopefully Guest

    Hey gettingthere,

    sounds as if you're on a good path to recovery...stay strong!

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