Yes, it's going up and down. We have to learn to handle this. Hey, you've reached 73 days! That's really cool!!!! Maybe it helps to see where you've been....and where you are now, to see the improvements you've made. Stay strong!
PMO addiction may not be directly responsible, but I would argue that it can be a major influence on your work ethic. After all, dopamine is the neurochemical responsible for risk/reward and motivation, and our dopamine receptors are fucked through the use of PMO. So it is axiomatic that your drive to work/create/improve is severely hampered by this addiction. Do you remember a time when you were ambitious and motivated to go out in the world and make something of yourself? Or are you saying that you've always been a slacker? Long-time addicts tend to have trouble remembering who they used to be. Certainly the case for me. Congratulations on 73 days mate, that is phenomenal progress. Hope you are starting to see some benefits.
Day 74 no PMO Thanks Hope and Red, you guys are very kind. Red, you are right. The PMO has messed with my motivation and work ethic both directly and indirectly. I do remember before my PMO addiction that I was a very hard worker. I do feel that drive starting to stir now. Hope, I'm glad you told me to look back. It was quite sobering and also joyful at the same time. I realized that for 74 days, at roughly 10 hours/week of PMO, I have saved roughly to full-time work weeks (35 hrs/wk). I was literally jerking my life away. It is a real epiphany that I don't have to do that anymore. Now it is truly my decision and I know that.
I guess I got cocky. I thought I could send some erotic poetry to my girlfriend. That led to the erotic poetry blogs. Pics .... Full blown PMO-- no excuses! I'm a fucking pussy. I don't know how I will sleep. I don't know how I'll feel with my girlfriend. Sorry guys for showing my dismal side. I've tried to keep upbeat for everyone including myself. Now I'm in despair and reeling. I made 75 days and I let my guard down. I didn't believe I needed to be vigilant. I'm stupid.
Sorry guys for all this whining. Now it is time to get back to work and beat 75 days and hopefully make it to my goal of 100. I appreciate all your help and I do mean that with all my heart.
The only good thing about relapsing is that I learnt a poignant lesson in humility. Thank goodness I never judged people as weak for relapsing. Everyone here needs support and not to be judged. I'm not going to slip away quietly into the night. It's not my style. I will fight now.
Dude sorry to hear about your relapse. No judgements, but I will say that you should read your journal over. Always have in mind the changes that you observed over ~11 weeks and imagine what could have been. That being said, congratulations on getting so far. I'm sure you will do better on this go.
Gettingthere, You'll pick yourself up. Having the relapse is as you said, a lesson in humility. For all of us. When you described how it happened I could see the same thing happening to me. It would be that easy I think. But obviously you've learned a lot and gained a great deal of experience and you'll have even a better sense of the care needed regarding these addictive patterns. Given that, I feel that they are undoubtedly not as strong as they once were. The fact is over the last 75 days you've only PMO'd once. The gains from that cannot be taken away. Here's to your next 100 days. Mirier
One relapse stacked up against 75 days? This is a setback but you've not undone all the good achieved in those 75 days; you're still light years ahead of where you were. Get back on the horse, fight it out for few days and then ride that sweet, sweet flat line to final victory!!
Day One, (ouch that hurt to write that) Thanks Live, Laur, Full, and Mir. You guys are what made me get back on this site and write above "Day One". Believe me that alone was an accomplishment because I can feel all the old habits raising there hands saying, "pick me" "pick me, I'm the best", "pick me, I'm always here for you" etc. All the little brats are back. Luckily I do have enough clean time so that, I'm hoping, I can ignore their annoying plaints.
Seems like you're on course again. You got the self-punishment out of the way quickly. Do you have a specific plan to avoid the triggers that set you back?
Hey gettingthere, it's sad to hear of your relapse. But I think too that it's not taking you back to zero, as long as you don't escalate the next days. Take the energy you've raised and walk on. Let me ask one question: Was the idea of writing the poems a new one made from your brain to play a trick on you, or did you write poems before? And now: Good luck for the next days!
Wow, you pretty much hit 11 weeks. Thats a full reboot! I hop I have the strength to make it that far. Sure you fell into temptation but your brain should be fully healed so as long as keep away from the porn this one occasion shouldnt have set you back at all. I hope I make it that far.
Hoping is sometimes just not enough.. Urges won this fight, but there's a whole war ahead. Think you can do it? All it will take is: MAJOR WILL MOTIVATION DEDICATION TIME ENERGY Think you can afford paying the price for a better life?
Day 2 no PMO Thanks again for the enocouragement guys. Onany, I don't really have a plan because many things like pressure at work are not controlable. But now I can plan for what I can anticipate and try to develop a real strategy for dealing with the risk of relapse. Maybe "hoping" is not enough. At least now I have that. Before I had only despair.
Life puts landmines in the fields. T'ain't your fault if you don't recognize them . . . the first time. That's a pretty good indicator that you should stay away from erotic poetry blogs, even for your girlfriend. And probably avoid writing anything like them, or reading any kind of erotic text stuff. I've thought about it, and I always end up deciding I'm better safe than sorry . . . of course, I'm not as far along in my reboot as you were when you relapsed, so we'll see what I'm saying when I hit 75 days. Tis but a flesh wound. Get back on the horse, fight the chaser effect, and very, very little of what you've accomplished so far will be undone.
hey man good run hell i wish i went 75 days.. but is ur ED cured? and have you tried to get some dates goin?
