Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by gettingthere, Apr 11, 2012.

  1. MetaMorph

    MetaMorph New Member

    Gettingthere, thank you for your open and honest sharing of your journey. You're an inspiration to all of us, and I wish you many levels of healing and restoration in your life as you break away from what has gripped you. Have a great day today man!
  2. gettingthere

    gettingthere New Member

    Day 59 no pmo and counting

    Thanks Meta, Joey, Dark and Nix, I appreciate your support and I know that in a way you've made a difference in a lot of peoples' lives. I really mean that. Since my relationships have improved they touch others and so on...
    The good is spiralling out of control from this forum. I love it!

    The last few days have been pretty easy because I've been sick and just wanting to sleep.
    Tomorrow is a milestone for me of 2 months of no PMO.

    The amazing thing is that I feel like I haven't given something up I really liked. It's not like I miss porn at all. I am realizing it is pretty vile stuff now that I'm gaining my sanity back.

    When I take a step back and think about the content of porn, it is not really attractive and I don't like having those images to remind me of where I was. Luckily the graphic images are fading and getting fuzzier. Now I really have to concentrate to conjure up porn scenes whereas before I had a whole rolodex in my head.

    I won't go on any kind of crusade but for those I care about in my life, I have no problem giving my opinion of the dangers of porn. I think we should all tell those we care about how risky and harmful porn can be even when not addicted.

    So, Meta, I guess we will agree to disagree. Your nemesis is M. Mine is P. For me it is the porn that is the real killer because it kills so much time. If I just did MO it would take maybe 10 mins. With the porn, I could waste 4 days.
  3. Mirier

    Mirier New Member


    I can't wait till you get to 60 days! 2 months will feel really good. I know what you mean about P vs M. The amount of time I've used watching porn I could never accomplish just by masturbating. Probably about the same ratio as the one you mentioned.
  4. Trev

    Trev New Member

    Hi Gettingthere,

    I thought that I'd send you congratulations in advance of hitting the big 60!

    You have definitely come a long way! Keep going as you have been doing throughout these last 60 days.

    I know what you mean about it being impossible to live a healthy life when are are split down the middle. This addiction just screws us up in all sorts of ways, inherently good people get twisted up morally in all sorts of ways. I think that everyone has within them the potential to be 'good' or 'bad', I know that these are loaded terms, but I think that we all naturally have a way of knowing what good or bad should be. This addiction plays on our bad potential and then runs with it and results in all sorts of bad stuff: extreme selfishness, deceit, bad health habits etc. The good news is that we have seen through this and started to really take responsibility for our lives.

    You will be able to see the man you know you can be. Keep heading in the right direction! You will feel a little more 'normal' day by day, just take it a day at a time.
  5. darkknight3313

    darkknight3313 New Member

    Porn is poison. In more ways than just ED. I have found hardly any women attractive over the years. Always looking for the porn or air brushed model look. That's unrealistic. The media tells us we are weak if we aren't banging women that look like that. This, I truly believe, is the number one reason why relationships between men and women are so messed up today.

    You have porn. Men's magazines. Movies and tv. Then you layer in a generation of so called pua's that play off this to profit and do more damage to you in how you interact with women. Not saying women aren't messed up due to similar advice on their own end of the spectrum, but that's another topic.

    Men are prisoners to sex. Women are prisoners to commitment. The media just plays off this to eccentric lengths. It's ridiculous.

    Congrats on two months. Remarkable and inspiring!
  6. MetaMorph

    MetaMorph New Member

    Gettingthere, congratulations on your progress man, I'm really glad the images are fading for you and that you're getting stronger. Hang in there!

    I don't disagree with you at all friend. I agree porn is vile and a time waster. I wish you well today!
  7. spinergy

    spinergy New Member

    Excellent work, gettingthere. I hope you feel some satisfaction in your progress. If you don't, go back and read your first posts, then read your latest posts.

    Stay strong!
  8. gettingthere

    gettingthere New Member

    Day 63 of no PMO.
    Guys, thanks very much for the encouragement and support.
    It means a lot to me.

    I have a concern that may or not be related to this site. Or it may be tangential.
    I had sex with my girlfriend and the ejaculation was painful and blood came out.
    Nothing like that had ever happened before.
    There may have been some trauma because I missed the hole one time.
    I also read that too infrequent ejaculation can cause that. (I guess that is a relative term since I was ejaculating at least daily with PMO.)
    Also mentioned online was the possible relationship of travel. The trip was long and stressful to her house.
    Now I'm really scared. The consensus seems to be to give it a week or two rest. Then if it feels ok then give it a try.

    I might be a bit of a baby but if there is any insight from you guys I'd really appreciate it.
  9. gettingthere

    gettingthere New Member

    Day 65 of no PMO and tomorrow is 2/3 of the way to reboot

    the aforementioned condition (hematospermia) appears to be common and generally harmless.
  10. darkknight3313

    darkknight3313 New Member

    Oh thank god. You almost sent me to the bathroom to get some relief for fear I'm damaging myself even further with this whole mission!
  11. MetaMorph

    MetaMorph New Member

    Dude I'm sorry that happened to you, it must have been scary and not only that, who wants to experience pain when having sex??? Ugh...

    As far as missing the hole, I've been doing that some lately too, haha, I think I'm just not used to aiming with such a stout erection and so it's making me miss the mark! And yes it hurts!!

    I have no insight into the bleeding, that's never happened to me, but I will say that I hope it never happens again to you! Have a great day today my friend!
  12. gettingthere

    gettingthere New Member

    Day 69 no PMO
    Thanks Meta and Dark for your concern. I was scared too but it is not a problem now. Thank gd.

    Wow this really seems to be working.
    I do feel as if I'm rewiring my brain to give ascendance to the rational neural pathways and the addictive PMO pathways are losing their hold.
    What used to feel like a compulsion is now more of a fleeting temptation to PMO that is easily overcome.
    I like feeling that I have some rational control over my actions.
    I'm going for 100 days and then I'll, hopefully, be able to add a success story to these annals.
  13. Trev

    Trev New Member

    That's great, that it really does feel for you as though the brain is rewiring itself. It's good proof that the brain can, and does, rewire itself if given the chance. I have read that it requires around 90 days of abstinence from PMO for the brain to rewire itself, so you're getting close to that mark. I'm 2/3 there myself and will find out if the 90 day mark holds true. It doesn't matter if it needs more time or not as I'm going to keep going regardless.

    I wonder if there is anyway that you could measure whether a reboot has succeeded after 90 or 100 days, could this be measured in terms of a complete absence of thoughts and feelings about porn and acting out?, or is it more to do with thoughts and feelings arising but complete control over choosing not to act out.? If anyone reading this has any thoughts on this it might be helpful for many other people. I'll give it some further thought myself.

    The feeling of having rational control over your actions is great, it really feels as though you are becoming a different person and using your mind in a whole new way.

    Keep going man!
  14. Hopefully

    Hopefully Guest

    I'm quite sure that the rewiring works. But it takes time.

    I remember when I quit smoking. I had some time after quitting when I was just feeling so happy and good. Then after that it got normal. I just was a non-smoker then. And then later - maybe after 2 or 3 years - I began to exercise regular sports and felt that my body is so much better on. It came by itself.

    But I've been addicted to smoking cigarettes then and I'm addicted to PMO now. And for me the feeling of the addiction itself didn't change. It just makes you feel like crap if you want to change but can't easily do it because there's something that seems to be stronger. I do ask myself how much care I do have to take that I'm not falling into the next trap of addiction later in my life?

    In the end maybe it's not PMO that is the problem. But it is how we all deal and interact with drugs (all kind of drugs: TV, alcohol, eating,etc.), and socially too. And the addiction is part of our problem that we are dealing with in long term.

    Keep going!
  15. Trev

    Trev New Member

    I think that those are crucial thoughts and pointing at the fact that the true problem may be that the addiction/s is a response to a deeper problem in life. For many, it seems as though PMO is a result of feelings of low-self-esteem, low confidence and so the addiction has become a coping mechanism. If we are not getting dopamine hits through healthy activities, then the mind will want to act out through PMO to get those hits.

    As we reboot from addiction, in this case PMO, it may bring these deeper issues closer to the surface and then we can start addressing them. I was aware before I started rebooting that my social skills weren't all that great and that I had low confidence, but it was only when I started rebooting that I truly realised this and understood that I had to work on these areas of my life. I have found that during the rebooting these areas have started to slowly improve, although it has certainly taken some initiative to work on them.

    Rebooting really does open ourselves up to insights into who we truly are. It is not always comfortable to see things come up that were hidden or unacknowledged, but now we can see them for what they are and to start to work with them.
  16. gettingthere

    gettingthere New Member

    Day 71 and no PMO
    Thanks for your words Trev and Hope.

    Addiction is certainly complicated and I have no shortage of underlying or consequent problems.
    All the same I decided to put all of those issues to the side in order to concentrate on rebooting itself.
    Pure PMO abstinence for 100 days.
    I think after that point I will have some distance from PMO including the warped thinking that attends it.
    So once I have a bit of sober perspective I should be able to evaluate what issues are related to addiction in general and what issues I will need to address regardless of quitting PMO.
    For example, I'm a slacker when it comes to work. I could work much harder but that is something that is not directly related to PMO.
    Except for the fact that before I could waste time with PMO and now I have to resort to having a machine beat me in chess. lol

    I'm going to work on re-wiring and then figure out how I can solve milder frustrations. I have no doubt that had I continued to PMO I would have permanently harmed my life and those around me that I care about.
    So first things first.
  17. gettingthere

    gettingthere New Member

    Day 72 no PMO,
    Today sucks. I've not relapsed but my mind is fucking with me.
    It's really being sneaky and deceitful.
    The main thing I'm hearing is that there's nothing wrong with a bikini pic, etc.
    I just know I won't be able to stop. Even now the habit is just too strong.
    Even one "innocent bikini pic" is a potent trigger.
    Wish me luck guys.
  18. Hopefully

    Hopefully Guest

    keep going, you can do this!
  19. Laurynas

    Laurynas 300 Days+ Experienced.

    Myself - I don't mind bikini pics or whatsoever, because I find the female body simply beautiful. ;)

    You already had enough will for 72 days and you think you can't defeat a parasite (that should be already half dead from not getting fed).

    Triggers are nothing but parasites, little small parasites that you can easily crush..
  20. gettingthere

    gettingthere New Member

    Day 73 no PMO
    Thanks Hope and Laur.
    I'm still fighting because I've just learned this is truly not a linear process.
    Although aggregately it is certainly easier, there are days and moments which are still very hard.

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