Why 'Counting the Days' is a Voodoo Curse. Stop counting days.

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Johhny Bravo, May 19, 2019.

  1. Johhny Bravo

    Johhny Bravo Every temptation is another chance of life revival

    I hope wherever you are on your journey, you are doing well. Thankyou in advance for your attention and time in reading this. Time and attention are our most precious gemstones.

    This is purely an opinion of mine and one different perspective. If you find that counting days is beneficial to you and you feel aligned counting days, then I will not stop you but support you. Do not be discouraged or put off by a different perspective if the current one you have makes you feel strong and gives you the results you are seeking.

    The New Perspective.

    Counting days is usually done as one of a person's only tools as a means to finally 'quit porn' so to speak. The tracking of days is done as measurement, as proof to the brain that there is significant or small change being made, that one's efforts are generating a noble result. I cant talk myself out of this, I have titled one of my posts "15 months." But stay with me, for you see if I could change the title of that post I would.

    The noble result from all NoFap threads is as follows- how many days have you gone without looking at online sexual stimulation?

    For an absolute, fresh beginner who is just began Nofap for the first time in their life, then I think counting days is fine. At this stage in their life and progress, counting days is necessary and a neutral tool just to maintain balance as to where one is. It also helps with sanity; if you are feeling tense, and you have gone one week without looking at porn nor masturbation, then counting a week gives you a sense of clarity or realisation as to why your body is not at homeostasis.

    The thing is, "newbies" of porn recovery do not remain "newbies" for very long. We can all agree that everyone that visits a forum as such or takes a long term interest or study in so called porn addiction have medium to long term trials, successes, fails, and confusions about pornography.....anyone that visits this site wont call themselves a "newbie." But, the newbie thinks in this attitude:

    "How can I stop watching porn?", or, "I managed to not look at it for 6 weeks back years ago. How can I regain this spirit and extend it to 8 weeks? Why cant I do one year next time?"

    And this is where I am beginning to hint that counting days is wrong. Not only wrong, but its harmful and dangerous to your self-worth in the long run. Why?

    Because counting days long term is akin to waiting for something. Waiting for 'that' Christmas present to finally be delivered and you deserve it. When am I allowed to open my present?

    In habit development, usually this whole 30 day idea is how long it takes to develop or break a habit. 3-6 weeks is a time frame for a habit to be easily installed so it feels effortless and part of routine. Or, don't do something for this time and it becomes an option to never do it for the rest of your life. In habit development, counting the days up is our perseverance towards making a beneficial habit automatic and requiring less mental energy.

    The aim of counting days within the context of habit development is- to do something easily.

    Take the alcoholic who has said he has not had a drink for 15 years. Him just mentioning it and bringing it up to someone will automatically beget he is secretly considering having a drink, just a taste. After all it's been 15 years since his last drink, what harm is there in engaging again after all this time?

    The reason counting days is wrong is because the wrong goal and destination has been established. Counting days has a logic to it; there is a goal to it. And the goal is purely time related.

    "Yay I have done 30 days Nofap!"- Well right there is your Christmas present. Your reward is an existential item of counting days. Guess what, day 31 is tomorrow.

    When does counting the days stop for your lifetime? It stops when you set a different style of goal/destination/ask for a different type of Christmas present.

    But, if you have read my post on Radical Self Love, there I speak that we have set the wrong destination. The coordinates are off, and even if you reach your island in the ship you are sailing with, it is not the island you wish to stay on for very long. The only "celebtration" is the painful or punishing stroke of, "Ok, I have gone 4 weeks with no porn. Well done Johnny."

    Sure, some good ramifications may kick in; more energy, more confidence in self for sticking to something, brain dopamine has changed a bit and its easier to not look at porn any longer...…..But those are not results FROM counting days.

    But yet, because the destination has been reached, now it is time to watch porn again at least some point in the future. Oh, I relapsed, now I better start counting the days all over again.

    This type of logic has a weakness to it. The destination is not worth sailing to despite the existence of that island. Just because you have visited the island once or twice does not mean you wish to visit it again; it's a boring place after all.

    The solution is not directly to stop counting days, but to set a new destination and ask for a better Christmas present. A proper destination worth sailing towards. An island where when you reach you wish to settle there and stay.

    Counting days is short term, and never satisfying to oneself. And counting days of zero porn is very, very boxed in thinking; it doesn't spill over to other aspect of your life one single bit.

    Self-respect and self-championing. A better word is "pride" or dignity. Those qualities, should you seek them out and practise them and TAKE those qualities today, WILL spill over into EVERY aspect of your life for the better.

    And if you have dated a woman, guess what, she would rather have a man respect himself and like who he is ANY DAY over someone that DOENST RESSPECT himself but says "hey by the way I haven't watched porn for 3 months...."

    For those that have gone X amount of days without porn, you will agree that after a certain time period your self-respect begins to increase, and you walk around smiling more and with your chest and head slightly higher. You feel.....'good.'

    Well, that above paragraph is false. Your choice to feel pride and dignity has NO CONNECTION to porn nor counting days. Zero. Maybe there is self-permission to access those states, but it has nothing to do with porn nor counting days.

    The reason you are trying to quit porn is to enhance that specific 'good' feeling of pride and dignity. If you felt that way all the time, or if you chose to feel that way beyond the decision of porn or not, your ENTIRE LIFE would change and you would feel very different.

    If you practised that particular feeling of dignity for 30 days, you would be a changed person. From this new place of self-respect and pride, giving up porn is a different ordeal now. It's sort of a "non-issue" in your life; it has not massive emotional hit on your way of being.

    I think people don't want to quit porn. I think they want an excuse to respect themselves and obtain this dignity and love they have yearned for, for a long time.

    Make the destination self-respect and ridiculous levels of self-love, and not only will you have reached the real destination, but you will have wondered why the massive focus on quitting porn and the result of counting days was ever such a big issue in the first place- you set the wrong destination.

    Truth is, an alcoholic hates himself.

    But the man who drinks every day, but loves himself to the MAX and doesn't allow his self love to be compromised, it is impossible to remain a so called addict with this component.

    Put ALL of your focus of self-respect and dignity, and valuing your unique flowering. There is only ever going to be ONE 'you' ever in history, doesn't matter what religion you believe in, that is a fact. Honour it. Honour him.

    Would you rather go one year without watching porn and counting the days, OR, would you rather have one full year where every single day you LIKED yourself, you LOVED who you were flaws and talents, you appreciated your being and you talked well to yourself?

    I would pick the latter regardless of what the former was. I refuse to hate myself or talk down on myself any more like I used to when I was engaging in porn and struggling for years to quit.

    If I could go back to all those years, the only thing I would change would be, instead of being an enemy and attacking myself every day, to being my own friend and support.

    I hope this post sits with you for a bit. Contemplate it, have your own opinion, trust yourself above my perspective, and just ask what it is going to take until you can agree to love who you are. Why is honouring who YOU are such an obstacle?

    Yes, if you wish to make efforts to quit porn, go for it.

    But never do so without the foundation of self-love. Ever. Never ever compromise your self-worth or dignity based on something as fickle as looking at a naked girl.
     
    Last edited: May 19, 2019
    Gilgamesh likes this.
  2. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    Thanks man. You're absolutely right. It is a completely different mindset. Every day is a valuable gift.
     
    Johhny Bravo likes this.
  3. varunsharma

    varunsharma Member

    I agree with you johhny. But how do I give myself the self love and self respect you are talking about. Can you give some concrete tips or steps , some ways by which I can consciously do this. Because after 6 yrs of watching and 3-4 yrs of trying to quit porn I have demolished my self confidence and self esteem a lot. I feel like the energy , the Confidence, the memory the iq , the happiness I had 6 years ago has been broken down slowly slowly to almost nothing. If you can really tell some concrete steps that I can take to improve my self love, my confidence with or without porn it would really help me a lot
     

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