As adults, meaning persons of a certain age, we must allow that our parents were/are flawed. They are products of a fucked up society and family life. They had few tools. They didn't know how to be a functional couple and didn't understand how to just love their kids. They did the best with what they had. It would be wonderful if our parents had been introspective and desired change, like those of us on this board, but that is so rare. My folks are dead now, but I learned to love my mom even though I did not like how she behaved. As a person who was deeply hooked on P and sex I understand now how hard it is to break the bonds that bind. The absolutely wonderful thing is you have the opportunity to break the generational curse with your children. As an aware parent you will create enlightened kids, which will be a huge boon to society. The past is over. No, your dad will not change and it is not necessary that he changes. Your journey is one without him. Yes, you do. We all do! What does that mean? It means following our own journey. Sounds like a cliche and it is. But, cliches exists because there is an element of truth to them. What does following our journey mean? For us, on this forum, it means giving up PMO and MO. It means realizing that recovery is an "active" process. We must do things that are affirmative. What does that mean? It means, to me, taking care of the little jobs around the house. That's where I started. The piece of trim that I never finished. The bit of painting that I left for another day. The windows that are unwashed, etc. It is the little things that weigh us down, that rob us of our energy. We don't have to pick the right thing, we just have to pick one thing and do it. The wife may say "why are you doing that when this needs done?" What I say is "good point, honey, I'll probably do that next. Thanks for pointing it out." I may, or may not, do what she complained about. I don't care what she wants done, because it is never about her; just like it's never about our parents. This, to me, is growing up. I'm in charge of me. This is my take on it. You're asking all the right questions, Gil.