Where you stumble, there lies your treasure

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Gil79, Feb 16, 2019.

  1. Mad Dog

    Mad Dog Well-Known Member

    Please be kind to self. You owe no one anything they are after all " your " babies. Give yourselves time be gentle and calm. You dam sure both of you need sleep.
  2. Lowdo

    Lowdo Well-Known Member

    Well done @Gilgamesh - good thought about 'Future Gil'...
  3. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Last night I MOed to fantasy. Nothing else (new) to say about that..... Today I went to work for a couple of hours. It was nice to be out of the house.

    Want to read an inspirational book about leadership. Anyone a nice suggestion?

    Thanks @Bobo: my mind goes from that (dont owe anything) to 'he put me on this earth afterall' and 'I should not whine about this'. Anyway I know things won't be the same and he did it all to himself. I like the words kind, gentle, calm for us. will use them as a mantra today!

    Thanks @Lowdo!
  4. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I don't have any suggestion for a book on leadership, but I came across a volume of poetry that was put together by Garrison Keillor. He collated some of his favorite poems from his radio program and I think they cover just about all aspects of the human heart. I still find it disgraceful that the feminazis brought him down.
  5. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    So true!
  6. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    What a good way to put it.

    When in the midst of temptation and grasping for anything as a weapon with which to fight. I have often thought "if I can bring into my mind the feeling of victory l will experience tomorrow by not giving in it will help so much"

    Way to go Gilgamesh
    MissingSelfCompassion likes this.
  7. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Resetted my counter because of the FMO the other day. Not as bad as PMO, but speaking about going over existing neurological pathways (Savilles posts), or creating new ones, it is the thing to do. Sexual fantasies with or without M or O all reinforce those same pathways. Time to build new ones.

    Feeling well today. Have had way more sleep in the last 2 nights. Learning to find the new rhythm. Also have to learn to find time for myself in this new busy schedule. Time to literally and figuratively breath. Last 2 months I have also been doing short 5-10 minute work-outs. Easy to do and easy not to do activities (as in 'the slight edge'; book). Doing them makes me feel fit in the long run. Have to integrate these things in my new life. Will first just start monitoring what I do (and what is reasonably possible) and then come with a plan later. Have to learn to be mindful anyway. Last night during the twin feeding hours I had many angry thoughts which I couldn't get rid of.

    Thanks @Saville, I will check that out!

    Thanks @Boxer17, Victory thoughts do work indeed. I have experienced that after doing positive affirmations for a while. For a while, during some previous good streaks, when I was in bed and got urges, I put my hands above my head in victory position until I fell asleep. Works so well. Although then winter came and it was to cold to do so LOL.
  8. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Going to sleep..... hopefully. No fap today. Building new pathways.

    Lot of anger today. Reduced a bit by mowing the lawn. Should have woodblocks and an axe though to really get it out :D. Maybe should go running tomorrow.
    Libertad and Saville like this.
  9. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Sounds like you handled it well. I found that anger is usually anger at self. I sometimes ask myself "why am I angry?" That's usually enough to have the anger dissipate. I can usually see quite quickly that I've been holding onto something.
    MissingSelfCompassion and Gil79 like this.
  10. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Going to sleep. Not going to act out today, not going to act out tomorrow. Makes me blind to all the blessings around me.
    Living, -Luke-, Boxer17 and 3 others like this.
  11. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    It should get easier after a week. As for anger, it must be much better to get it out than hold on to it, so it's good to see that you did.
    Gil79 likes this.
  12. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Had a great moment for myself this evening, cooking and listening to music. After an hour all kids started crying and all was hectic again, but loved the moment for how long it lasted.

    A couple of months ago I saw a old colleague of mine in a public place. I always liked him a lot and thought it would be nice to have a chat. Then I decided not to because I also felt like just having my coffee and sit in silence. Will meet him soon again and will chat then, I thought.

    Yesterday a colleague of mine told me that the old colleague of ours passed away. Cancer. I didnt even know he had cancer. Regretting now that I didnt go to chat with him the other day.

    It is confronting, but not necessarily bad to be confronted with these kinds of situations. Too often I have that attitude of postponing things that are dear to me, thinking there are oceans of time to still do so. The same with rebooting. So often I chose to watch porn one more time, thinking there is still so much time to change and start doing the things I want to do. But there isnt. Life may seem like that but it isnt. Death is a part of life. Life happens now and it is in its nature to end. Time is ticking away. Life is too short to fill with crap like watching porn.

    Was listening to this awesome artist today
  13. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    @Saville: I downloaded the poems and a book with short stories (book of guys) on my ereader. I didnt know this author and he is awesome. Both the collected poems and the short stories are awesome to read in between when busy handling children. Thanks for recommendation!
    Saville likes this.
  14. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Hi living. Doing well. Het leven begint bij veertig :D
    Living likes this.
  15. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Thanks Eternity, indeed better to get it out. Still feel some anger in the background. Feel I need to burn it out with exercise. Maybe cycling would be good for me too......
  16. MissingSelfCompassion

    MissingSelfCompassion Active Member

    Cycling is my jam. I'm so glad that the weather has changed. I hope to get the bike ready today. I know the anger thing too well. I always find a way to point it at myself. I get mad at you, then I realize I'm projecting my own insecurities on you and think I'm the one to be mad at. It's such a familiar pattern. Grr. I'm mad about that too! I'm working on accepting the anger for what it is, an emotion. Emotions aren't good or bad, they're just there. You know? The more I try to repress the anger, the more it fights back. I'm mad that I can't seem to stop PMO. All right. That sucks. It's okay to be angry in this moment. It's what I do with the anger. There are healthy ways to get it out. Maybe workouts and cycling is one way.

    I like what you are saying about making new pathways. Whenever I think about the neural pathways and what I've read, I just focus on the incredible super-highway, autoban my porn habit must be. I don't think about the seed I've planted by not PMOing today. Thanks for that perspective.
    Gil79 likes this.
  17. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day


    Last night I was again so angry at my wife. So sleep deprived and amidst of crying babies she was ugly, annoying and awful. She said something to me and I just wanted to shout 'shut up'! This morning the sun came up. The babies were sleeping, we both had a shower and breakfast and the only thing I felt was love for my beautiful wife, our beautiful children and the new family situation.... Literally and figuratively a day and night difference.
    Saville and Living like this.
  18. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Day 5

    rebooting in progress :cool:
  19. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Having a baby is an incredible physical ordeal for a woman. I know you know this. Your job dad is to be the rock. I've been quite critical of women and wives, but this is a time where the man takes a back seat. We have to be level-headed, no matter how tired we are. Of course, take care of yourself as much as possible and catch time for yourself when you can. But, your wife has earned the right to unreasonable for a certain amount of time. What a privilege to be the father of two new miracles. :)

    Your journal is a great place to come and let it out, blow off your steam.
    Gil79 likes this.
  20. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    I couldn't agree more. I've often taken life for granted, that I'll have time for it later. But I may already have lived half my life. Do I want to waste even more time on P?

    The wind and annoyingly long climbs are definitely good outlets for anger. To be serious, though, I think cycling does a good job of keeping frustration away. It's a sport in which you can push yourself as hard as you want, and still be able to make it back home more or less unscathed.
    Gil79 likes this.

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