Firstly, i would like to say how glad i am to find this forum, and how relieved (if thats the right word) i am to find others going through the same as myself. I have been in a relationship with the love of my life for almost 12 years, over the last 12 months or so, the sexual side of things have been rather strained, things all came to a head last week, when my partner asked me outright "why dont you get excited when i touch you", it was the worst question i had ever been asked, and i knew the answer immediately, it wasnt that i dont find her attractive, or because she doesnt excite me, its because i use porn and masturbation far more than i would dare to admit. In my life i have overcome addictions to drugs and alcohol, but the support for those was widespread and readily available, i have taken the first step with overcoming any addiction, which is to admit there is a problem, but have no idea where to go next, the one thing i know is, i must do all i can to save my relationship. How do i get back to being intimate with my partner? I have made the decision that porn and masturbation are out of my life completely, but what other steps can i take? Do i abstain completely? Is it ok for my partner to pleasure me, and me her? I have read some of the stories on the forum but feel that, getting my story out there and in writing will not only get me the help i need, but would also be one more step to recovery.