Where It Starts

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by JD1981, Jul 17, 2019.

  1. chrism

    chrism It's time to make a change.

    @JD1981 wow 32 days! That’s impressive.

    I can relate to your story about being drunk about loud. I get like that sometimes and yes I know what you mean about having your partner there to help keep you below the limit of alcohol induced overconfidence.

    Your recent comments on my journal have really been a large part of helping to give me more of a reason to refocus and believe in being clean and free of P.

    Thanks man!
     
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  2. JD1981

    JD1981 Active Member

    Starting day 36... I’m really glad that I read @TheUnderdog long thread it was awesome. Since reading it I’ve given a lot of thought to why he said we get cravings. Lack of a vision plan and not focussing on it 100%. For me this totally fits. Outside of getting by day to day I don’t have a vision plan and if I don’t have one I’m definitely not focusing on it, this leaves plenty of room for cravings to enter this brain of mine. So my goal is to have a solid vision by Friday and to share it with the group. Obviously visions can change day to day; week to week etc. so once I’ve made one I’ll focus on it and continue to check in making sure the vision is the right path for me. If I could Chanel all the time I get cravings into focussing on my goals.... wow!!! I think this could be good. My toe is healing nicely thankfully, I was able to go to jiu jitsu last night with relatively no pain. Hope everyone is good and able to keep their focus on their aspirations. The more we learn about ourselves the stronger we become. Get after it!
     
  3. NewStart19

    NewStart19 Active Member

    @JD1981

    Can't wait to read your vision plan. Glad jiujitsu went well!
     
    JD1981 likes this.
  4. Pete McVries

    Pete McVries Active Member

    Let's get down to the really important questions: Position over submission or submission over position? Also what's your favourite submission?

    :D
     
  5. JD1981

    JD1981 Active Member

    Haha! Position over submission, for sure. But I was only just told this last week. I rolled with a black belt and he choked me out over and over but that’s what he said I’m not being patient. Get into a good position and then work submissions. I’m a white belt no stripes, I’ve been doing this for 7 months. Totally hooked I suggest everyone try it. It’s very humbling... Im 38 and I train with different ages but I recently got destroyed by a 17 year old and it blew my mind. Favorite submission right now is this sneaky little gi choke from side control. Just a matter of time before my training partners see it coming and tune me up. @Pete McVries you train jiu jitsu also? What’s your favorite submission. Just you asking that question makes me think you’ve been doing this longer. Any tips???? Have a good day dude.
     
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  6. Pete McVries

    Pete McVries Active Member

    Thanks for your answer :)

    I trained kickboxing for a year but due to a severe injury in my left ankle I had to stop. Then I started lifting and severly hurt my shoulders after 2 years. My joints are made of glass, I'm telling you :D. But I would love to start training MMA one day which would include BJJ of course. A mix of injuries and social anxiety are preventing me at the moment. I need to find a good orthopaedist in order to check my ankle and shoulders. It's so depressing. I even had surgery for my ankle but it did zilch.

    When I trained kickboxing, I started watching MMA and to this day I can't get enough of it. It's such a fascinating sport and so diverse. Seeing a guy like Demian Maia or Charles Oliveira do their BJJ Magic is a joy to behold.

    Training BJJ must be such a pleasure, there are so many techniques to be learned and you don't need to be a gorilla to do your thing. And when you catch someone in a choke or an armbar for that instance, that must feel great. Snap, gotcha!

    Personally, I love triangle chokes. But I have never seen them in Gi BJJ, so I don't know how likely they happen when you roll in BJJ. In MMA often times, it happens when the guy on top in full guard get's careless. Anderson Silva vs. Chael Sonnen is probably my favorite submission of all time. Silva got dominated for five rounds and in the last round, he manages to steal the fight and defend his world title with the triangle. Absolutely stunning. They say wrestling is the best martial arts, and while it's probably true, if your (defensive) BJJ is not on point, a good BJJ player will catch you 9/10 times.

    How come you started training BJJ?

    Have a good one! :)
     
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2019
    JD1981 likes this.
  7. Bezoechow

    Bezoechow Member

    Hi JD1981, just wanted to say that I love your writing style and positivity. Keep up the good work!
     
    JD1981 likes this.
  8. JD1981

    JD1981 Active Member

    The end of day 37... Had a great day at work today, my mind didn’t stray too far. Thank goodness. As soon as I felt it drifting a little i was able to reel it back in. I’m really looking forward to this weekend we were invited to a friend of my daughters birthday party. I’m excited for her because she finally has a good girl friend and I love to see her happy. I’m also excited because this girl’s parents seem really cool and there will be other there there that I’m not familiar with but look forward to meeting them as well. We’re going ice skating. Should be interesting I’m from Florida and this will be only my second time on ice skates. Could get dicey! Thank you all for your support, it has been a tremendous help. Heres to another great day tomorrow, best wishes.
     
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  9. NewStart19

    NewStart19 Active Member

    @JD1981

    You sound like a nice dad! Hope the party goes well.

    Be careful ice skating though. Not sure how durable you are, but you might end up getting more injured than you were at jiujitsu practice ; ). I was a teen the last time I did it, but I can still remember those brutal collisions with the ice.
     
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  10. JD1981

    JD1981 Active Member

    Starting day 39... I had a good day yesterday crossed off a lot of things on the to do list, the biggest being mowing the yard. I didn’t get to writing out a vision plan but thought a lot about it. I thought it would be pretty easy to sit down and just throw some things on a paper but when I actually thought about what I truly want to see for myself I kinda drew a blank. I guess being caught in this porn fog I’ve forgotten who I am. It is totally coming back to me though I feel slowly but surely. I find myself being more and assertive and less defensive. I used to get so defensive I think because I didn’t know who I was or what I stood for so any time I got challenged or just simply someone would ask questions I’d snap or be totally passive. I noticed yesterday at the public library a different side of me and even though it’s small I’m proud of myself. My 7 year old son got a bug up his ass and ran across the lobby, jumped up and touched a space decoration hanging from the ceiling. Before I could say anything the librarian yelled at my son. The old me would have been embarrassed and said sorry to the librarian but the new me said to the librarian in a calm but assertive manner, thanks but I can handle this and the quietly told my son not to do this. It felt really good not getting worked up and being able to take control of the situation the right way. I know this is small but it lets me know that I’m headed in the right direction. So while at the library I checked out a fiction book so if I find myself with a little down time I’ll turn some pages. I haven’t read a book in quite a while so I’m excited for this. Anyway I hope everyone is breaking down barriers and reclaiming what belongs to them, LIFE!! Let’s get out there and get after it, have a good day guys. Thanks:)
     
  11. JD1981

    JD1981 Active Member

    @Pete McVries i started BJJ because I listened to various podcasts like Jocko Podcast or Joe Rogan Experience and they talked about the benefits of training BJJ. I was shocked to hear that according to them it helped with mental aspects of ones life the most. Obviously it’s nice to know that if you get into a physical altercation you can protect yourself little bit. I was so nervous to walk into my local gym it took three months to build the confidence but I’m so glad I did. Both Joe Rogan and Jocko Willink were right it has been so mentally beneficial. I find that I’m not afraid of trying new things. I still get nervous and I think that’s normal but I overcome my nerves much easier now. I tell myself a lot, hey I just got my ass kicked by my training partners this can’t be worse than that. Also I’ve noticed that I think better under pressure. When I started I would be under someone heavier than me, completely uncomfortable, I’d flop around like a fish and expelled all my energy then get choked. Now I’m more comfortable under weight and I can think clearer about how I can better use my energy to get out of a sticky position. Doesn’t always work but the fact that I’m able to think and try to use technique let’s me know that I’m mentally getting better. Also the cardio response I get from grappling is insane. It is amazing how much it’s helped me. Also as a kind of a bonus I met a lot of really cool people that live in the area. I watched that Chael Sonnen, Silva video that was awesome. Silva looked exhausted when he put that triangle on him. Very cool clip! Thanks Pete I hope your injuries heel quick and you find your way into a BJJ gym.
     
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  12. JD1981

    JD1981 Active Member

    Day 41 is underway... Just finished walking my dog around the neighborhood and oh baby it’s hot down here in Florida. I love walking my dog because while I do my mind goes on auto pilot and I think about the craziest things. Today I was thinking about a girl I knew in high school. She came into mind yesterday for whatever reason I’m not sure but I found her on Facebook and checked out her pictures. I didn’t do it to see if she had any bikini shots or to file things away in my spank bank, just at work and bored. Anyway it looks like she is doing really well handsome husband two cute kids they seem to vacation a lot and are very social. While I was walking the neighborhood today I was thinking that this girl and I graduated together and went our separate ways so how does she have it so much better. What am I doing wrong. I caught myself what a horrible way of thinking. Here I am basing this off of a few pictures I saw on her profile. I’m sure she has had ups and downs just like all of us but of course she’s not going to take a pic right after an argument with her husband and post it or a picture of herself feeling overwhelmed and stressed about her workload. So it’s unfair to compare my life to the life’s that I see on Instagram and Facebook. By no means do I think it’s wrong for her to post or anyone to post the good things happening in their lives. We should celebrate the good things. It feels good to see people smiling and happy. So part of my vision plan is to not compare my life to pictures I see on the internet and to live my life for me. To be happy with what I have and to find the things that bring me happiness and focus on that. It will help to if I find that I’m not happy with aspects of my life instead of dwelling on them search for positive change. I’m already doing that with the help of this forum. Porn was the biggest dark spot and it’s on the mend. Thanks for all the support. Peace!!!!
     
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  13. Bezoechow

    Bezoechow Member

    It helps me to think that I started this life in hard mode. Sure it would've been nice to have all the perks of easy mode but what's the challenge in that? :D

    Doesn't it just! Can't get enough of bright people enjoying themselves. I think you've done a good job turning a bad train of thought into a positive one.
     
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  14. JD1981

    JD1981 Active Member

    Middle of day 45 and I’m sitting here in the dreaded parent pick up line. So hoooootttttt! 45 days is awesome but I definitely consider myself an addict still. I find myself from time to time getting caught in the vortex of Facebook and my thoughts get a little nuts-o but I’ve been able to pull away. This morning I had a huge boost in confidence it’s really nice to see how far I’ve come. There is a guy I work with that is very confrontational and intimidating. In the past I’ve forgotten things at work and gone back to get them and have totally engaged with him. This would send me into a crazy binge, in search of comfort. Or I have forgotten something and just said f it I’ll get it later when he’s not there. Today I forgot something and drove over without anxiety and said hello to him and had a decent conversation. After doing so I grabbed my stuff and left. No stress, no binging!!!! It blew my mind. Kind of makes me think maybe the opinions I had of this guy were created in my unbalanced brain. Whatever the case it felt good and I’m happy with the progress. All the more reason to keep going. Happy Thursday guys one day closer to the weekend. I hope everyone is crushing their goals. Thx...
     
  15. JD1981

    JD1981 Active Member

    Hey guys its been a while since I checked in last. I made it to a 57 day no porn streak before two weeks ago relapsing. Although it sucked I was surprised to find that I didn’t feel as much shame as I once felt after having a binge. Never the less though I started over. Then I got a phone call from my Mom telling me that Dad was in the hospital and it’s life threatening. I spent all week at my parents and was thrown way off course and 8 days later, today, had another relapse. I went back and forth should I just start another forum? Should I make another profile and start fresh? I thought a lot about this because I was and am embarrassed but it’s only fair to my self and to you guys to take responsibility for my relapse. So here’s to starting over. I made 57 days so it’s time to surpass that. I could not have done it without this community and I’m excited to start again. Oh and My Dad lived and is in recovery. He’s got a long road but its looking good.
     
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  16. NewStart19

    NewStart19 Active Member

    @JD1981

    I am sorry to hear about your father, but I am glad to hear that he made it through and is recovering. I hope that he is able to get well as soon as he can.

    I just want to let you know that your positivity and energy have given me inspiration as I have stumbled along during this recovery process. I am glad that you didn't reset everything.
     
    JD1981 likes this.
  17. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    This is by no means starting over. This journey is not just turning a switch, it is about learning new life skills. A continuous process. It is sad to see that most guys that come here are initially very motivated and doing well then have a little slip and never come back. You have taken this hurdle already. Be kind to yourself and just continue this path. Your journal is very inspiring.

    Hope your dad recovers well. Strength!
     
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  18. JD1981

    JD1981 Active Member

    Starting day 1... @Gil79 I couldn’t agree with you more during that 57 day streak I learned a lot about myself and picked up up a lot of tools to help get through hard times. So yes I’m not starting over rather picking up where I left off. One of the key take aways from this relapse is that I got arrogant with my addiction. Meaning I thought because I was getting stronger and had more will power that I could push the envelope a bit. I thought sure I can watch a movie that has semi sexual content or I can check out these photos on Facebook of these girls in bikinis. Also I was getting further away from this forum. I started procrastinating my entries thinking that I had become invincible. This journal is like going to the gym for my brain. I had built some good strength but as soon as I stopped going to the gym my brain got weaker. So I’m back in the gym and it feels good. Cheers to this community hope everyone has a good day. Let’s get after it!
     
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  19. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    No matter how nice we are, you should be doing this for yourself:) Fuck us! Besides, I think there are very few people on this board that haven't been in the situation you are going through right now. I have fucked up sooooo many times. I have fucked up for years and years and years. I did a lot of awesome stuff, but I sure did fuck up a whole lot of times too. Like @Gil79 said, this is a continuos journey, don't be embarrased that you're still travelling, because pretty much everybody here is on the road. Good to have you back!

    And sorry to hear about your dad being in the hospital.
     
  20. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    There are many journals on here with people who relapsed a lot then they made it. When you see a journal of someone who is doing good and then you go look at his older entries and see that he relapsed that gives hope and courage. And it keeps a record of what helps and what maybe doesn't. No need to be embarrassed about a slip or a relapse. There is absolutely no shame in it, at least in my opinion.

    Best of luck to your father in his recovery !
     

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