I'm a 38 yo male, married with two children and I'm tired of living a double life. One that is a great father and husband, the other where I'm a porn addicted loner. I started viewing porn as a teen and was able to be in control of it but gradually through the years it has spiraled out of control. If my wife and kids leave the house I'm on the computer within five minutes. It consumes me! When they return home and ask how my day was I have nothing to tell them, and sadly- aside from not having anything to show for my day while in the throws of my addiction- I don't give a crap. It's not until after I'm done that I get severe guilties. I feel guilty that I'm doing this behind the back of my wife. I feel guilty that I'm essentially pissing my life away. I feel guilty that I'm putting my kids in jeopardy of watching their parents fight and possibly get a divorce. I feel guilty that I'm not contributing as much as I can to help my household run smooth and stress free. The list goes on and on!! I've noticed to that my social skills are not as good as they once were. Maybe because I'm trying to seem normal by hiding my other self. I feel like a total fake. I have tried numerous times to quit and the longest I've lasted was like 29 or so days and in that time I felt great but the weirdest thing is I almost felt guilty for feeling so good??? How weird is that? Then I had a difficult day and found myself alone and right back to the comforts of porn I went. I recently was on reddit viewing porn and in the search bar I typed porn addiction and came to find this forum and I'm very excited to give this a go. I really want to change my life and feel that the ripple affect would be great for my wife and kids. And hell it would be great for me. I've read some of the threads and it feels good knowing I'm not alone. In an effort to quit I've done various things that seem to help like work out regularly, meditate, started a jiu jitsu class, writing in a journal. Although all of these are positive things that I'm sure help I continue to slide back into old habits. I really want to quit I know how bad this habit is for me. So what the difference between those other times I quit and now? I have no clue but I hope that typing down my thoughts and reading other peoples thoughts, faults and successes in this forum will some how help motivate me and keep me strong. I'm embarrassed of what I've become and want to change things. Thank you to whoever I need to thank for this forum and I'm excited to follow this path.