Where I'm up to

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by ukbritishbloke, Nov 17, 2017.

  1. ukbritishbloke

    ukbritishbloke New Member

    I stopped PMO in August, and am counting from 1 September, so I've been going 77 days.

    I used internet porn for years, but more recently while single. I've experienced a lot of what others write in their stories, like edging, long night time sessions, and escalation. I also think I have PIED, maybe mixed in with performance anxiety or other causes.

    I have fetishes, but mostly since I was young. I enjoy them, and my goal isn't to get rid of them. I think porn may have added some twists, so if I lose them, fine. I think if I can do a full factory reset, I'll lose about 10% of my current fantasies.

    I've not been finding it hard to keep away from porn. I just don't do it. I don't have cravings. I'm not masturbating, which is actually great. I think I want to give it up for good, and that it's going to feel brilliant in future to know I only ever come with a woman.

    It's harder to keep away from fantasy, but I think I'm winning the fight. It's hard to keep away from PSUBS like dating sites, and some other triggers out there in normal life. Again though I think I'm winning. I've not been on a dating site in the 77 days, and I'm looking at women less in the street. I've not had relapses except occasional fantasy, and occasional touching. I think the trick is to just stop the relapse and not beat yourself up about it.

    I've started doing more exercise and to eat better, but am letting this be a manly treat for me. I'm eating steak more than I used to. But in a healthy way, and just to feel good.

    I noticed some euphoric feelings really quickly, in the first week or so. Since then that's gone away, and I just feel normal. No cravings. No unusual energy or interest from women. I might be getting similar dopamine hits from social media, though. So I want to limit that.

    I've noticed morning wood twice in the last two weeks, and about three days ago I had a "wet dream". But I'm not that interested in sex at the moment, and don't feel like I'm going to have erections with a woman soon. I think I must be in the flatline. I don't think my penis is unusually small or sensitive. It's just on holiday.

    I guess what I'm doing is hard mode. The plan is to do 100 days, then stop counting. (I actually don't count day by day now, either. I had to work it out when I wrote 77 earlier). From 2018 I'll just be a man who doesn't do porn, and doesn't masturbate. Those are my first two goals. The final one is to have erections again like I used to years ago. I just hope that happens before long. If not, I'll still have gained from rebooting, will never go back to porn, and will ask my doctor about organic causes of ED.

    I'm not planning on visiting here often, but am willing you all to do well. My tips are these.

    Just let porn go, and don't tell yourself you'll have cravings. I think it helps not to masturbate, or even to touch except in the bathroom. Avoid all PSUBS and fantasy. Avoid dating sites during the reboot. Limit internet time generally, and don't take up an alternative addiction like gaming. Read, listen to music, eat better, do some exercise. Reward yourself by doing things you really like. Don't beat yourself up about any sort of relapse: just stop, and move on. Every time you successfully master your thoughts or stop a relapse, feel your self-control growing. Try to get into the idea of becoming a better, more self-controlled and sexier man, and of a future sex life that's entirely about fucking your girlfriend or wife.
    Squire likes this.
  2. 57yrold

    57yrold Member

    I could have written this exact same post, except I'm married, so there's that whole thing. I had the porn, the fetishes, PIED, everything you mention.

    I gave up porn in September, and I've had no desire what so ever to look at it again. I'm aiming for 90 days hardmode, but the days doesn't matter. I too am just going to be a guy who doesn't look at porn and who doesn't masturbate.

    I haven't had morning wood yet, nor wet dreams, but I expect them at some point.

    When I started I was just no P, but after a few weeks (and a few times making myself cum with my wife) I decided I should have started with hardmode. I reset my counter and now it's No P, No M, No O. Not even with my wife.

    Best of luck to you! It's very clear from your post that you are going to be entirely successful.

    Congratulations in advance!
    Libertad likes this.
  3. ukbritishbloke

    ukbritishbloke New Member

    Here's an update.

    I've now passed the 100 day point, so I'm not going to count any more. The good thing is that I've kept away from porn, and feel no cravings about it. I am more at risk from Psubs like dating sites and from non-porn photos that I'm at risk of using as Psubs (non-porn photos that feature something that relates to a fetish). I have once or twice relapsed in the sense of using them (without fapping) but my response is not to feel terrible but just to stop and get back on course as soon as I can. I'm also finding it hard never to touch myself, and I have relapsed a bit with that. Again, I just stop and move on.

    I'm not feeling any superpowers.

    But the best thing is that I'm getting regular morning wood, almost every day now. It feels great to have regular erections again. I'm beginning to think I could fuck a woman when I get the chance.
    Squire likes this.
  4. 57yrold

    57yrold Member

    That's outstanding! Very inspiring!

    Stay strong and KEEP GOING!
  5. ukbritishbloke

    ukbritishbloke New Member

    Another update.

    I'm not actually counting these days, but just counting it now I realise I must be at about 160 days. Best not to count really. I'm not going to reset my counter anyway if I relapse because I don't think about it that way. Its just that I rejected porn last year.

    I have relapsed a couple of times, to be honest. One one occasion I did an O while looking at some P. I realised straightaway that I'd been stressed and tired after some emotional stuff and "reached out" for images of an important fetish to me. It was only about a 15 minute thing, and I just put it behind me and moved on. I think that's the best reaction. Apart from that I avoided PMO relapses. A couple of times I've looked for porn briefly or stumbled on it when doing PSUBS, but closed it down quickly. More difficult is avoiding PSUBS (dating sites and non porn images reflecting fetishes of mine).

    I've not been great at exercising but have been good at eating and living healthier.

    I get regular morning wood now. Not every day but maybe every second day. I also have a feeling of full balls a lot of the time, which I actually really enjoy. Funny, what this does to you.

    But the best news is, I fucked a woman since my last update (I hope you're not offending by me saying that. Thinking about "fucking" a woman is a highly motivating way for me of thinking about male benefits of rebooting). I'm not going to mention details about what happened or hopes about the relationship. I met a woman, and after doing some normal non-sex stuff with her, next thing we were naked and I was having sex with her in a normal way. My dick worked and I felt GREAT. I am on the way to recovery and cure.

    I now know what the chaser effect is. I'm pleased to say I resisted it.

    The sex I had gives me the best possible motivation to get on top of those minor relapses and to double down on being a non PMOer. I think rebooting is working for me. The feeling of fucking her made it all totally worth it, and now if my mind wanders to sex it can be memories of her. I think real memories is not the same as porn, it just feels healthier to me. The whole thing makes me want to save my jizz for the next time I fuck her or someone else.
  6. JustOneDayAtATime

    JustOneDayAtATime New Member

    That's good advice. When I was using pornography I couldn't even get to sleep without rolling some filthy pornographic scene through my mind. One of the things I worried about when I was thinking about giving up, was trying to think about how I'd fall asleep. But even though it's been just a few weeks now, I don't think of it as I fall asleep. It's not that I've become particularly virtuous or anything, but now I read a book before I go to sleep and when I put it down, I think of that for a little while, and then I'm asleep.

    It's great to read of people who are doing well. I'm of course glad to read when people make mistakes too, and don't give up - it's not the end of the world. But, UKBritishBloke, you sound like you're doing well. I'm glad to hear of it.
  7. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    That is great news!
  8. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    Hi Guys, another brit here who is struggling but have read your posts and am back on track, keep up the good work and good health.
    Squire likes this.
  9. ukbritishbloke

    ukbritishbloke New Member

    Another update, at something like 200 days.

    I've had small relapses still, mainly when I'm stressed, and almost always with Psubs of some kind, like talk forums (not including this one!). That isn't good for me and I'm not happy with the lapses, but I am mainly in control of them. I'm only very rarely tempted to look at actual porn and when I am, the temptation is about "de-escalated" porn if that makes sense, or the sort that used to excite me when I first used internet porn. There is a feeling of the onion being peeled away.

    I still believe in just shrugging off the relapses. Keep calm and carry on. But I want to really chase them away in future.

    Lots of regular morning wood now, most days. And really hard. I like the full balls thing still, and want to live like this from now on. I wish I could keep my hands off my penis totally but I'm not actually Ming, and absolutely not MOing.

    I could do better at exercising and filling time with new activities but maybe will now it's getting warmer.

    The best news is, I've had more sex, and now expect to have a lot more still. It's all so totally worth it. What I really want now is to have sex whenever I want and never to look at porn or masturbate again. I've got a ways to go but am getting there. I want to stop the little lapses I've had. I'm going to look back at my advice at the end of my OP and try to follow it myself.
    dig deep likes this.
  10. Squire

    Squire Well-Known Member

    Congratulations on achieving such great self-control and seeing your body respond physically to that. It sounds like you've become a younger man. Have you added other good things to your life to find meaning and fulfillment in non-sexual ways?
  11. ukbritishbloke

    ukbritishbloke New Member

    Not massively to be honest. I'm doing a bit more exercise and eating more healthy but have not changed things massively.
  12. ukbritishbloke

    ukbritishbloke New Member

    It must be roughly 250 days now.

    More occasional relapses, mainly using mild p-subs. No long or real porn sessions and no masturbation, though. But pretty reliable morning wood now, and more sex, which is great.

    I don't feel fully recovered but am definitely recovering. I'd recommend this to any man.
    dig deep and Squire like this.
  13. Squire

    Squire Well-Known Member

    Hm I'd suggest not trying to make massive changes all at once. Just little ones consistently that add up over time.

    So for example, a big asteroid is coming to strike the earth. Float out there in your spacesuit a few million miles away and give it a kick every day for a year. Over time those nudges make it miss the earth. Didn't have to blow it up. Just nudge it consistently.

    5 pushups a day.
    5 pages of a good book.
    A walk once a week.
    Post in your YBR journal once a day.

    It adds up to massive change. And it's fun to see tangible improvement.
    ukbritishbloke likes this.

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