Where did I go?

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Rupert Pane, Jun 28, 2023.

  1. Rupert Pane

    Rupert Pane New Member

    Hello from a new guy after a long day.

    Its been a long life of struggle that never seems to end. My personality and brain are certainly not working as they should. Hopefully contributing my journey here will help.

    That's it for now.
  2. path-forward

    path-forward Well-Known Member

    Welcome @Rupert Pane! Big step to come on here. Of course go at your own pace in regard to sharing your feelings and experiences . But I have def found journaling regularly on here is a big help in trying to stay focused on healthy endeavors.

    I also recommend reading other folk's journals to gain insights from others.

    Best of luck!
    Saville likes this.
  3. Rupert Pane

    Rupert Pane New Member

    Thanks for the advice. I currently have been burning much time on Social media as a distraction to my distraction.

    I recognize this as a big step since it took me so long to do so. It was actually difficult as it would not work on Mozilla or Chrome. The registration luckily worked with the MS Edge browser before convincing myself to give up. I also thought about it years ago but didn't.
    Last edited: Jun 29, 2023
  4. Rupert Pane

    Rupert Pane New Member

    I just spent some time reading and should get going with a reasonably journal entry. I have been struggling for decades using groups and therapists but found PMO had slipped into my life once again and it seems like it never left for even a second although there must have been some freedom at sometime. It just does not feel it and the time wasted and bad memories take over again. My weight it also not the best and after 50, it seems almost impossible to ditch. I should get out for a bicycle ride but feel more like napping. I suppose my old friends anxiety and depression are knocking at my door a bit along with some meds that tire me a bit. I will definable read more and thank those who have contributed.
  5. path-forward

    path-forward Well-Known Member

    RP. Very sorry for your emotional challenges but you have come to the right place.
    While most members don’t get into deep details - I sense many of us have also struggled with trauma, depression and anxiety.

    on the weight front - check out the Noom app. I had very good success with it. While it does count calories, it also very much focuses on the psychology of eating. I found the discussions/lessons very helpful.
  6. Rupert Pane

    Rupert Pane New Member

    I couldn't wait to log in today to see my count but it still does not say 90 days. Sigh. I like the counter but think spending time daily and writing a bit is important with that. In that past, I have used calendars for a similar effect but it was quite private. Now I have a posse watching over me.

    The immediate feedback is appreciated despite not being much of a sharer for now. I saw that some members read a lot before joining which helped get them along quicker.

    I have found that ED threads can be a bit too detailed when they describe their successes with their spouse. Luckily there are many members that may be less triggering. A member mentioned a good thread but it slipped my mind. "Pablo maybe?".

    From spending too much time on "shorts", a few videos came along that are stuck in my mind at the moment. One was a car crashing into the back of a semi-truck getting vaporized with the caption "me trying to skirt or edge my addiction". The other is John Goodman talking about his alcohol addiction. He lamented on the slogan "one day at a time" and said something poetic about its importance.

    I keep getting "its a great opportunity to check out some p" while looking at my phone.....One day a a time. I am trying to pay attention to my behaviour and be more kind an tolerant to others. I know my inner frustrations toward myself can nip out at others.
  7. Rupert Pane

    Rupert Pane New Member

    How do you set a profile Icon? Nothing seems to set for me.
  8. DBA

    DBA Active Member

    @Rupert Pane

    None of us can get th4e profile icon to work now.
    Rupert Pane likes this.
  9. Rupert Pane

    Rupert Pane New Member

    Thanks for letting me know. Also, Three days !!, Much better than one. Congrats on your 113,
  10. Rupert Pane

    Rupert Pane New Member

    Day 4 and counting. I was watching TV and one of my triggers showed up. In the past certain pics of actresses has always been an interest. I let it go but the thought keeps walking around in my brain (darn hunger games movie). The weekend has been good so far and I am trying to be a better husband and father to my grown kids. I am a bit frustrated that my son does not socialize enough or participate in outdoor activities. I spent a lot of time tuning up some rattles on my car and cleaning up my shop as well. Keeping busy.
    path-forward likes this.
  11. Rupert Pane

    Rupert Pane New Member

    Some days have passed. My brain keeps giving me little reminders while on my phone to get a quick "p" hit while using it. I think my habit was getting more and more mobile and keeping me locked in the bubble. Its not been long but there has been an improvement in my life and brain. I look forward to logging 90 days. I will likely dig in and do some more reading tonight as it creates a link and a feeling of accountability.
    DBA and path-forward like this.
  12. ruggerdoug

    ruggerdoug Well-Known Member

    @Rupert Pane, welcome! The posse here doesn't so much watch and judge you on your counter but lifts you up. Sometimes nudges you when you need a change of direction. But never judges.

    I share quite a bit on here. My anonymous friends here will keep the secrets I don't want most people in my life to know. I, too, suffer from anxiety and depression. That is a part of my PMO story.

    Good luck in your march to 90 days.

    Rupert Pane and path-forward like this.
  13. Rupert Pane

    Rupert Pane New Member

    Hey All.
    It has been a bit but things are going OK. I have been doing a lot of bicycle riding and may get a dedicated road bike some time. A carbon one seems to be the best but they are pretty expensive. Maybe next year. On another topic, I did notice a couple of times catching some details during work that have likely passed me at other times. Perhaps my brain has healed a bit. Overall though, things just seem a bit "off", The past lock-downs and ongoing government policies seem unfriendly to me. I should ignore it all but it consumes me. I really need to ignore it.
  14. Last 40 Free

    Last 40 Free New Member

    The bike riding is a great idea. I'm a cyclist myself. PM me if you want to talk bikes. Even walking helps me. First, it's exercise. Second, it gets me out of myself. Third, it's impossible to walk and M.

    It's easy to get into ways of thinking about anything: COVID, the government, the future, porn. Everybody has things that take them out of that. What are yours?
  15. 1MoreLookAway

    1MoreLookAway Member

    Congratulations so far Rupert on getting ahead on that lane with your bicycle. Biking is one of those hobbies that feels great in any season, in summer you enjoy the sun, the outdoors and wins, in winter it gets you warm, it's a hobby that complements the healthy measures we keep implementing across recovery.

    With regards to lockdown, you're within your rights to have had reservations about it, or its effects. I did notice so many people felt like they had just noticed the world was one big Truman show, in a way it always has been but we noticed it more then. Certainly sleep issues became a reality for me during lockdown, and almost everyone I knew was saying something similar. Not to mention, I'm sure you'd have known a lot of people, or even suffered yourself from mental health. Being eager to improve, sounds more reassuring, don't get to down, you're not alone in everything you've felt, and in theory that should connect you with others more ;)

    All I can say is keep seeking connection, and enjoy the bike rides. Remember too that any kind of blues happens regardless as our brain recalibrates.

    We never realise how much we change day by day, but month by month we certainly do. So allow yourself the time to heal. ;)
    Rupert Pane likes this.
  16. Rupert Pane

    Rupert Pane New Member

    Thanks for the last two posters. My day count is nice to see in tact. My eyes and imagination still seem pretty intent on keeping my old ways on track. I turned my TicTok account back on and found some p-Stars who where skirting the rules that had to be cleared from my follow list. I reported one actually.

    I am down a bit with some health issues and overall am a bit down today due to many issues in my extended family that come to all as they past a certain age. I have been training my kids about hard times as they get older with the words, "just keep going' and have been saying that a lot lately. I have to be supportive for my family and don't care for the downtime of any illness, physical or mental. I have done all to much of the later in my past years.

    Bicycling is off the plate for a week or two because of my health issues but there is lots of time before winter. I see people driving fat bike, maybe that will be an winter activity some day for exercise.

    I have to head out with my wife as she lost her favourite hair brush.

    That's it for now.

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