... When you're really ready, you'll know it...

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by TryGuy65, Sep 5, 2017.

  1. forlorn

    forlorn Well-Known Member

    If you are planning to dabble with weed again, have you ever considered a dry herb vaporizer? It's undoubtedly healthier than smoking. It provides a cleaner high plus you don't get left with the lethargy / laziness that typically comes from smoking the stuff.
     
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  2. TryGuy65

    TryGuy65 Active Member

    haha... I have one:cool:
    My problem is truly my addictive nature. Sorta like booze. If I could have a drink or two and stop, I'd drink... While I don't find weed quite as destructive, I do find that if I have it around, I start first thing in the morning... It's like I'm all in or why bother. So I'm in the why bother mode right now... And honestly, (because I lie a lot:rolleyes:) I rather enjoy my life in the natural state... But it's one day at a time too. Like today - fuck porn...
     
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  3. TryGuy65

    TryGuy65 Active Member

    Could have easily sild back into the 'dark-side' yesterday... Wasn't even (porn?)... Spent about 5 min in google images. (topless women)... It's fucked how quickly my brain floods blood into my dick from a digital image. The almost total body rush was like taking a drug... Swimming in the dopamine:mad:... No m, at this point. I'm refusing to touch myself, but I can have, what's very hard to describe, orgasm like contractions. They are very intense, and usually come in waves... maybe that's what a nocturnal emission is like, only you finish:rolleyes:... But I made it through the day, and today hasn't presented any challenges so should get to bed sober.

    Peeking is extremely dangerous. Why I feel the need to insure everything is still working even though I don't have much of a libido, escapes me. Well, I know why. But I'm trying to get a 'normal' sex life back. Not the life living in a fantasy world I'm never going to have... Fucking porn
     
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  4. TryGuy65

    TryGuy65 Active Member

    The last couple of days have been a challenge for me... Shouldn't this be easier? I can't recall if I've made it this far in a 'quit' without at least an MO... This may be as long as I've ever lasted without an MO period... I want to believe that the struggle within myself is worth it. My wife and I don't discuss our sex life anymore. We used to once-in-awhile, then we'd make some futile attempts, then drift back into a no-sex 'lifestyle'... All my fault... Fucking porn. But she deserves better as she's 8 years younger than me! But, her libido, IMO took a nosedive many years ago when she had to undergo a hysterotomy and went through early menopause, and I really started consuming porn... But we'll see.

    Today is safe now. The urge has subsided...
     
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  5. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I see no reason at all why you and your wife shouldn't be able to have sex. If you can get a boner to P you can get one without it. I'm of similar age and I can still mount the old girl. (Do NOT picture that!:eek:) My wife and I didn't discuss having sex for over two years. Lying in bed next to her was so fucking awkward, some days. But, once I made a decision to quit PMO I also made a decision to get back in the saddle...staying with the horse metaphors as you can see.

    The first few times I only got my dick in a bit, because the wife said it hurt; you'd think I was pushing it up her bum for cryin' out loud. Anyway, I persisted and we discovered that the use of coconut oil worked wonders.
     
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  6. TryGuy65

    TryGuy65 Active Member

    Thanks for the encouragement Saville... We haven't (I haven't) attempted sex in over 3 years now. And no discussion about it. We've become the old bickering friends that give quick pecks to each other when she leaves for work, and when we retire for the night.

    Though I can't be sure, I think she was fucked up about sex as a kid when she was boarded with the nuns in Mexico while her parents crossed the rio for a better life.:oops: She didn't come to the US until she was 15! She has never even masturbated! (so she says:rolleyes:) Tell me that wasn't drilled into her from those fucking penguins... While she never denied me sex when we were fairly consistent at having some, she has never/ever initiated it... Compound that with the performance issues I started having, I just found it much easier to not involve her... The awkwardness is on the horizon for us too. But that's just another step forward...
     
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  7. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    It's terrible what broken adults do to beautiful children. Overcoming such oppression and abuse, as we all know here, is a heroic task.

    My wife and I never talked about it, either. Even before my cheating, and all the bullshit that entailed, we still didn't have regular sex. I always blamed myself. I thought "if was in better shape, if I looked better, if I was a better husband, etc." I never laid any blame at the altar of her feet. I digress. We never talked about it. But, when I began to initiate things again I mentioned we hadn't done the nasty in two years. She said "two year? No? It hasn't been that long." You see, many women will simply slip into denial mode, which in my case worked in our favor. I let her live in the fantasy that we hadn't gone that long since porking and she spread her legs. :D There was, as I've written, some awkwardness at doing the act, but because I felt ebullient in my heart I didn't care that much. I wasn't having sex to please her or to make her cum, I was having sex because it was healthy for me, kind of like taking a spin on a bike.

    All this to say: it's never hopeless! I've felt that gap in a marriage that is wider than the Grand Canyon and I have bridged it. A few philosophers/mystics have said it: the most powerful thing you can do is change your mind. That's all I did, I changed my mind about my marriage and what sex meant to me.
     
  8. TryGuy65

    TryGuy65 Active Member

    I work a couple days a week at our fitness center here in the old-folks community, which is nice as it gets me out the house and mixing with others... I've never had many close friends as we've moved way too much in the last 25 years to form the type of bond I'd like to have in a friend... So I guess we'd have to classify our friends as, acquaintances? But as this is supposed to be our retirement home, and I'd really like to find a guy or two to hang with that have some mutual interests ... Covid put a damper on socializing the past year and a half, so tomorrow we're have our first gathering in our home since we moved here 3 years ago!

    So, where better place for me to find a couple of dudes with a mutual interest:rolleyes:... Tomorrow is a get to know ya 4th for me with a couple of em that laugh along with my stupid sense of humor... (I find humor in most EVERYTHING)... The two guys, their spouses, and 3 parents. One set of parents live in the community also. The dad is awesome as he's in better shape then most guys 20 years younger than him, and is pretty much willing to try any routine that beats him up! I look at guys like that as an inspiration to keep going in what I do to stay fit...

    I think we'll all get along fairly well - unless someone shows up flying a trump flag from the back of their pickup... 'ISIS-light' I call those fucks. My brother supported trump, and I really don't care if one of them did. But if you're actually stupid enough to believe the election was stolen from him, doubt we find much of a common ground....

    Oh ya - fuck porn...
     
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  9. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Humor is key! Sometimes our human consciousness seems like a big joke. :D We have these powerful brains, but they make us so anxious and weird.

    Happy 4th!
     
  10. TryGuy65

    TryGuy65 Active Member

    I do believe this is new territory for me. I don't recall EVER going more than a month without M! Maybe when I went through basic training in '75?

    But it's been a frustrating few days, and I know I'm 'flirting with the devil' by occasionally testing my lack of libido here and there with a 'peek and linger' on an image. (just to see if my dick is working:mad:) Of course it's working just fine! At least I'm able to make it fairly quick peeks and move on to something else:rolleyes:... Sex is CONSTANTLY on my mind!!! But, I feel deeply the need to keep on this path to really have a chance at beating PMO. To see if this 'rebalance' shit really works for me... However, it does take a certain amount of faith... So I'll keep the faith for another day. Fuck porn...
     
  11. wintersturme

    wintersturme Member

    Wow this sounds so familiar TryGuy65. My partner and I never had much of sex life. It was not entirely sexless, but somehow my interest was more in online porn than in real life. One thing was that we were both really inexperienced when we got together. We hardly ever discuss this matter, but I think we didn't have sex for about 2 years. I find it frustrating that that part of our relationship never really bloomed. I hope that refraining PMO may lead to some improvement. But I feel kind of awkward to restart given the fact that we have been both passive in that department without ever discussing it. So I'm a bit at loss -- like you I imagine -- how to restart again.
     
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  12. TryGuy65

    TryGuy65 Active Member

    It's crazy that as a 65yr old man, I have the (fear?) anxiety? of having a conversation about sex with someone I've been with for 30 years now. Maybe it's because once I have that conversation, it will be time to actually perform! Fuck - performance anxiety! I know I could probably drop a little pill, but that's not what I want. I know my dick works ok, so my brain just needs to follow suit... So today will be another day of keeping the faith and not rushing the issue... The not MOing thing is still holding. I consider that quite amazing for me as it has/had been a daily activity since I first discovered the wo's lingerie section of the sears catalog:rolleyes:...
     
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  13. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Yeah, I know that yawning gap well. I skipped the conversation in favor of wooing. Wooing in the sense that I started making moves on the wife, a little at a time. A peck here, a hug there. A few more pecks, longer hugs, etc. By working up to it my penis was working up to it all, too.
     
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