... When you're really ready, you'll know it...

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by TryGuy65, Sep 5, 2017.

  1. Mad Dog

    Mad Dog Well-Known Member

    Life gets in the way. You want me to be serious ?--- Ok ! I dont think there are a lot of people really serious about giving up PMO here right now. Perhaps not a popular point of view but so be it!
    Last edited: Aug 9, 2019
    nuclpow likes this.
  2. TryGuy65

    TryGuy65 Active Member

    I'm not sure 'serious' is the correct term, but I'm also not sure what the correct one would be... Committed?

    This is such a different type of addiction. One so easy to succumb too... The vast majority of us have been playing with our wiener's since we found out it felt good. So it's an ingrained habit just from that standpoint,.. Just stopping that is frekin' tough... Add in years of high-speed internet pmo'ing re-wiring our noggins just makes it tougher... I had my first 'porn' dream last night where I dream't I was on the computer looking up porn shit! It was weird...

    Seeing future benefits takes a tremendous amount of faith... Many of us arn't having sex anyway, so why fight the urge seek relief in the method we know will work...

    I get why it's slow... I just wish it wasn't... When I quit drinking I 'knew' there were future benefits... That I just needed to not have that first drink and eventually they would come... With this shit, I'm just kinda 'hoping' there are... It's so individualized. Some succeed, get their sex life back etc, but many more don't... I'm putting my faith in individuals like you and @Saville that are still around and have found success... I know many more have found it and just moved on with their lives, but it would still be nice if they posted once-in-awhile... Bring their journals back to 'page-one' so us newbs are encouraged that the fight is worth it...

    So I'm 'keeping the faith' for another day... Because I 'know' pmo has fucked me up... And I 'hope' that I eventually go back to 'normal'... Whatever the fuck that is:rolleyes:

    Fuck porn...
    BillyRayValentine likes this.
  3. Mad Dog

    Mad Dog Well-Known Member

    I go in the hot tub by myself after a late dinner and Heather is in kitchen doing whatever. Jamie went to bed and I am starting to doze off. Heather comes in bathroom and pouts" you went in without me !" "I dont require you to take a hot tub soak." " but I need you to rub my breasts and shoulders and kiss me and tell me I have a sexy body and that you love me!"

    Does that happen with PMO ---do you say those things --- does she?
    Does PMO fuck you up ? I'll let you answer that cause I know what the answer is for me and I suspect you Mr. TG 60.
  4. nuclpow

    nuclpow Well-Known Member

    @Bobo, I liked your post, both really and by clicking the like link. I read @TriGuy60's post, too.

    I have seen about 4 people say that some of us aren't being serious, or even the vast majority of us. I think I might be considered not serious because I keep failing, and I don't seem to be changing a lot in my life. I disagree I'm not being serious. It turns out I had and have problems, some TriGuy60 says above. I think a lot of us had very serious problems, from childhood onwards, and we never addressed them. Maybe we didn't address them because we were looking at porn, or because we were trying to quit porn, or because we didn't know we could solve them or even that we had them.

    A lot of us have anxiety, depression, other mental illness, no idea how to talk to or have a sexual relationship with a woman, think we have no prospects for sex, have no real relationships or life skills or life management skills, no good relationships with friends or parents, and don't know how to have social interaction or fun out of the house. It's probably partially because of these problems that we end up thoroughly addicted to porn in the first place. I think most or all of them have to be solved before we can quit. We can install filtering, practice NoA ("monk mode"), both very good ideas, but I think we need to get at least some order in our lives. Otherwise we don't have perspective, all we can think about is porn, and sometimes that's almost all we can do because we can't socialise and have no hobbies.

    Maybe all us who are "chronic slippers" should be encouraged to make the rest of our lives half-decent. It'll give us some encouragement, some things to do and think about that are not porn, it will remove discomfort that sometimes pushes us to porn, give us some more perspective so that we know that porn is a bad idea, encourage us to take some responsibility, give us some permission that we're allowed to make our lives better, and maybe give us some hope. I think this agrees with TheUnderdog's post telling people to have a life plan. I'm telling you that this has been helping a lot for me. Otherwise, it's just trying on willpower and failing over and over again.

    I agree with @TriGuy60. Porn runs deep. It may take transforming the whole life to kick it. That sounds pretty serious, eh? But seriously, I'm thankful for the influence of you oldtimers who tell us to quit.

    Edit to add: Maybe all you oldtimers, and people who have gotten pretty far in quitting, can be making posts somewhere on all the things that worked and helped you quit, to help us still having problems, and newbies.
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2019
    MissingSelfCompassion and Gil79 like this.
  5. Mad Dog

    Mad Dog Well-Known Member

    My post was in no way critical of any one person. Btw failing has nothing to do with not being serious. It is simply a overall impression I have of the forum at this time. I am happy to share any info that helped me and still does though there is no rule or otherwise that I do so. That being said: I believe you must make a non negotiable pact with self--- you will quit period-- come what may. When you do this I believe the women in your life will change -- they have no other choice and the problems you have will seem as though they can be solved and suddenly you have a different point of view.
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2019
    nuclpow, Gil79 and TryGuy65 like this.
  6. TryGuy65

    TryGuy65 Active Member

    Yep. So do I... As the saying goes, "excuses are just like assholes - everyone has one"...

    Quitting an addiction takes (imho) two forms... The long road - or the short road... But time is relativeo_O... I will not stop preaching the concept of PAWS because I believe having an understanding of what is happening while we recover, and why we relapse, will put us on the short road... I KNOW it will take at least 1-2 years before the AV inside me stops fucking with me 'out-of-nowhere':rolleyes:... 2 years!!! That's a long fucking time!!! Nope, it's not... However, when the devil is pulling at me to view porn/pmo - at that moment 2 years is an eternity! And if I haven't made that 'non-negotiable' pack with myself, I'm going to slip... Maybe not that time, maybe I can fight it off 'that-time'... but he's already won if I haven't ACCEPTED...

    If I haven't accepted that porn is adding absolutely no value in my life, eventually he's going to win... That's the nature of addiction... So those really struggling may stop. But chances are they are on a very long road...

    I'm sorry if you have excuses... I've come up with quite a few myself... But really, know one cares about your excuse. Except others coming up with their own excuse... 'Birds-of-a-feather' shit... I will support anyone trying to quit, but I will not enable... And chances are good I will not read much of the shit you lay down because you ain't going to be of no help to me... I'm puckering-up my asshole... No excuses allowed. Period...

    Fuck porn...
  7. Mad Dog

    Mad Dog Well-Known Member

    You have the ideology and the course of action.

    Yes, excuses will destroy you.

    It's a long road to walk but it can be done. You have no choice do you?

    The day you start is one less day to go.

    It's a mistake to say on such a such day it over.

    Its never over over it's a work in progress as it is with anything.

    The woman I "hang out" with is very sexy and has a unreal body but do I get tempted by someone's tits or ass (hips are my thing ):D ?--- you bet I do! Its what you do with it just like anyone else that dosent use PMO
    Last edited: Aug 11, 2019
  8. TryGuy65

    TryGuy65 Active Member

    Just read where @A New Man started a head cold! I wonder if I picked up mine from him:eek:... Yep, went for a run yesterday morning, and by the afternoon knew one was coming on... Sore throat is always the telling sign for me... It's fucked because I have an olympic distance tri this coming up Sunday... Great:rolleyes:

    But it also lowers my resolve. Like fighting on two battle fronts... So this morning is a little challenging... Time for a nap.

    Fuck porn...
  9. TryGuy65

    TryGuy65 Active Member

    Reboot? I get where the term comes from, but does it install a false sense 'hope' that if we get to a certain point, we will magically be free of all our issues... '90 days and I'll be 15 again':rolleyes:...

    Just a rambling thought as this head cold is like thinking through a thick cloud...

    Read an article this morning that taking 'excessive' naps during the daytime is an early sign you may be developing Alzheimer's!!! I am sooooo fucked. My old man died from Alzheimer's a few years ago... Would have been nice if they if they defined 'excessive':mad:... Now where did I put that tv remote. Time for a nap and I like falling asleep with it on...

    Fuck porn...
  10. Mad Dog

    Mad Dog Well-Known Member

    No! "Reboot"- just like the would do when you wanted to get rid of junk in a computer! But you knew that. Cold is making you " feisty" dude!!!!!:D
  11. TryGuy65

    TryGuy65 Active Member

    Yeah @Bobo, a computer reboot may get rid of some junk, but in order to keep it running smoothly you must insure your anti-virus software is kept current, stop visiting compromising sites, and not click links that take you down the rabbit hole... I think my point was more to the lines that the 'term' reboot makes it seem like it's going to be easy. Like there's going to be a cure... You can't beat an addiction in 'x' number of days. Addicts are never 'cured'. We're just former users... The reboot may get me back to 'normal' (better sex-life - lessen pied symptoms etc.) But I'm not cured... All it could take is one peek a porn, and I may be back to day one... Because - 'One peek is Never the Last'... Damn, I wish I had called my journal that:D It goes back to that mindset shit...

    Anyhoo, taking off in a little bit for NorCal to see the grandkiddies and do the race on Sunday... It's a 13 hour drive so I'm going to break it down into a couple of days drive... I'll provide a race report when I return next week, because I know you all give a shit about that:rolleyes:...

    Fuck porn...
    Last edited: Jun 11, 2021
    BillyRayValentine and Boxer17 like this.
  12. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Actually, this is something that is so valuable. I couldn't even do the first part of a triathlon. Unless you think that your type of exercise feeds faulty thinking then it's probably the most valuable thing you're doing.
    Boxer17 likes this.
  13. TryGuy65

    TryGuy65 Active Member

    Exercise along with a 'relatively healthy' diet are the Fountain of Youth...

    So I bailed on the race... I knew there was a 90% chance I would when I went over... It wasn't a priority race, so I decided to rest and play with the grand-kids... I'm still feeling a little sluggish, from the head cold, and from four days on the road...

    The porn fight has been quite. I've not even been challenged to look! Just no desire to peek... I think sex needs to be placed on the agenda... Wife's been looking rather attractive lately.:cool:
    BillyRayValentine and Gil79 like this.
  14. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Well-Known Member

  15. Mad Dog

    Mad Dog Well-Known Member

    :p:p:p:eek::eek::D:D:D Dont get carried away now !Hahahahahaha!
  16. TryGuy65

    TryGuy65 Active Member

    Time to pull my J from the ashes of page 4... This sucks. But I need to stop lurking and start writing.
    But this is all I got at the moment. Think I'll go for a walk.
    Saville likes this.
  17. TryGuy65

    TryGuy65 Active Member

    I usually can work up a rant fairly easily, but I'm struggling a bit. My suck-it up, swaggering-dick mentality is in the toilet... Stopping pmo is a fucking challenge I truly didn't expect back when I first posted. Or when I came back the second time - or third?! Nice dose of humble pie has been consumed(again)... I considered starting a new J, but this is me - warts/slips/relapses and all that shit... Not sure where this leaves me, but I know I can do today... I was reading around on Quora a bit ago, and came across a bit of a trigger. It's amazing how fast I can feel the rush of dopamine in my brain send signals to my groin... It's exhausting. So I post here instead of edge. It's a start.

    But I'll march on. Fuck porn.
  18. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    This often means we are at a different level, a better one. As we confront this beast we finally, at some point, realize there is serious work to be done.

    Glad to have you back!
    BillyRayValentine and nuclpow like this.
  19. TryGuy65

    TryGuy65 Active Member

    Thanks for the welcome back @Saville...

    It's just crazy how fast life just zips on. 2020 was a fucked year, and not just due to covid. (For me anyway) No need to go into details, but it's like my body suddenly decided to punish me. Worst of all is my knee... I've had a slight pain/discomfort in my knee for several years. It really was more of a annoyance than anything... But I finally had to have it looked at because my 'discomfort' level had exceeded my 'tolerance' level... Torn meniscus that's not a good candidate for repair. Guess there's a bit of arthritis developing in there, and doc says if they clean it out, the arthritis growth will just accelerate to fill the void, leading to an earlier than necessary knee replacement...

    Thus goes my 'tri-career':rolleyes:... Guess it's been a good ride though. (lots of bling) Over the last 13 seasons, (excluding 2020) I've completed better than 30 triathlons, including the one full and 8 - 70.3's... and several running events including a sub 4hr marathon. Four years ago on my 60th B-day I was still able to do a sub 2hr half mary. Now I'm doing good to take a brisk walk around the hood! I'll continue to bike and swim and do resistance training, so hopefully this program guides me into my 70s in decent shape. By then my wife should be retired and we'd like to do some traveling...

    I've obviously had the 'tendency' to slip away from this site when i've 'slipped'... Guess I shouldn't do that as writing out my feelings, and reading the journeys of others, is definitely helpful... If you're out there lurking - start writing.
    This is a fuck journey... Fuck porn.
  20. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I'm impressed, dude! As a recently reformed fat person ( still fat, but not as fat) :D I'm just happy to walk around the neighborhood.

    You nailed it! It's amazing how as we write, we figure things out.
    Boxer17 and Old Tom Bombadil like this.

Share This Page