What is a relapse?

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by pieterarons15, Jan 1, 2017.

  1. pieterarons15

    pieterarons15 Member

    Hello today is exactly 2 months ago that i watched porn.

    However i was wondering if these actions count as a relapse in the progress of rebooting the brain :

    Masturbating to girls i want to have sex with. next week i am going to date a woman who i want to have sex with and i fantasies about her.

    Some of my "friends with benefits" send me nude pictures of her boobs i watched at it a lot of times and masturbated to it.



    However i didn't searched for any porn, nude pictures i just masturbated.

    So my question is simple is masturbation a relapse or not?
     
    Last edited: Jan 1, 2017
  2. NewTerritories

    NewTerritories virtual

    Nobody knows. The science about how to properly reboot is still very much work in progress.

    But there probably isn't a simple strict cut-off line between healthy fantasising and harmful 'relapse'. It probably depends on the individual too. Your case is certainly different from mine and other folks too, as you're already having sex with real people.

    Edit:

    Anyway, my point is think of it like this. It's a spectrum. At one end, complete abstinence. At the other, 48 hour long HD porno marathon. What you're doing is somewhere in between. Better to use your imagination than pictures. Better to use pictures sent by someone who likes you than a stranger. Better pictures than video.

    But it's all still an inferior substitute for the real thing, and still training your brain to thirst for a fantasy that's still beyond your immediate realistic reach.

    It's up to your judgement.
     
    Last edited: Jan 1, 2017
  3. Newnes

    Newnes Well-Known Member

    A relapse is whatever you define as outside the scope of the behaviours you allow for yourself.

    As NewTerritories says, it's a continuum regarding how harmful or beneficial any behaviour can be. I think MOing to nude pics / fantasy is "slightly harmful" (assuming it's not too common either).
     
  4. Wabi-sabi

    Wabi-sabi Imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete

    Like it says above, it's up to the individual to define a relapse.

    My rule of thumb is that if I seek it out, no matter how vanilla the material, it's a relapse. I'd also consider that masturbating to a picture is relapse, even if you know the girl involved.

    That's just me, I'm not trying to lecture you. I personally find it helps to be a bit hardline on this, otherwise my weaselly brain will start to justify all sorts of behaviour. It's better for me to admit that I relapsed and move on.
     
  5. le_petit_moster

    le_petit_moster Active Member

    Dear Piet...There is slip-lapse-relapse.
    What is your goal ? If it is just no PMO then you didn't even slip. Since no P is involved.
    For someone else- like me- who distinguishes sex into amative and propagative - O is a debit- physically and mentally.
    Then I'd say I 'slipped' the first time, 'lapsed' if I continued and 'relapsed' if gave up on it.
    At the 'slip ' stage my little monster( the brain chemical) won but my big monster ( my mindset) is in place.
    As you go down the path you loose to the monsters.

    You stared your journey with no P in mind. You used imagination than P. Then you used pic of someone you already know.
    So I think you didn't even lapse.
    However, I would encourage you to not even go into these traps. It would just make you think P is more precious than it is- like a 'forbidden fruit' syndrome. Then the cues...looking at a screen ..can speed up a slip-lapse-relapse cycle. You need confidence before you meet your partner. Won't you ?
    Cheers.
     
    pieterarons15 likes this.
  6. pieterarons15

    pieterarons15 Member

    You are right i avoid porn because i can't say no to it i usally binge watch and it causes me to just be consumed and get adicted even after i watch one video.
    I see pictures the same as porn(hot naked pictures) . So yeah.. However i know them and olso have sex with them but still its a slippery slope before you know it you are watching porn.

    By the way lots of guys would thinx i am happy and have a good life but i actually want a girfriend who loves me not "swingers" or having sex with sluts...

    Maybe i am" sex addicted ". Maybe i should try to be single withouth having sex(with swingers, casual sex with my girfriends) and try to be happy withouth it...

    This is olso the reason i hate porn its against my principles i used to be a guy who was happy single and didn't need sex or masturbation i was happy without it. Know i stopped masturbation to porn but have mutliple sex partners isn't it the same? I am fighting my own morals..

    Has anybody you or other forum members this feeling?
     
  7. le_petit_moster

    le_petit_moster Active Member

    Dear Piet...
    As long as you understand what propagative and amative sex is, multiple sex partners is your choice and the consent of each and all of the partners.
    The consent of each and all needs amplification...each of the partner must know that they are not exclusive. They need not know the name and the number of the others, of course. This can be against the ethics of many in this forum on the onset, but please hear me out.

    I should not be commenting on this further as it is not my focus. I wrote a hackbook based on a famous Method and I want to get it to as many hands as possible. But I thought may be if I can clear a little bit of the confusion in your mind and get you out of the MaG-misery and guilt you are feeling now.

    As you read my hackbook and then learn more about the karezza type sex ( from other sources) that I touch only briefly upon - you will be able to decide what is the right thing for you. Once you start looking at sex with O as not the only goal, illusions will fade and truths will fall into place.

    You will then decide if you want to have multiple partners ( with their knowledge that they are not exclusives) or if you want to settle with one who is fulfilling you either amatively or propagatively. IN my experience there will be only one or two who will be both for you.
    Cheers... you are on to an exciting journey.
     

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