What Day 0 is like for me.

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Manly Man, Apr 1, 2019.

  1. Manly Man

    Manly Man New Member

    My whole body is itchy and warm. I am numb inside. My throat feels dried and my voice pitch is raised. My hair is super dry. I am fearful to go outside lest I make some awkward horrible mistakes. My knee feels like it has weakened. My legs are weak. I consume a lot of eggs and milk to relieve myself of that weakness and pain.
    My skin and eyes seems to be less bright. Anger that is projected out rather irrationally towards people.

    Sleepy and tired. I see my family and people around me speaking to one another and laughing, but I don't feel a thing. I sometimes wonder why they are laughing, 'cause I cannot relate to them as my emotions and inner energy is dead. There is also a feeling of heaviness in my chest.

    Guilt and shame clouds me. I cannot look straightly into the eye of an adult lest he/she finds out I was binging the whole night yesterday. I have attacks of resentment thinking about other people who pushed me. The thing about porn is that when you are in a social situation, and somebody says something designed to hurt or belittle you, you cannot respond a thing. Your mind is passive and numbed, and it fails to respond. Your mind responds only after you are alone in your bedroom and replaying that scene in your head over and over, building up resentment in you.

    Meets new people, but fails to remember their faces in case I meet them again.
    When I see men/women I know coming my way, I feel irrational fear in meeting them. Most times I feign ignorance of them or move away to an another path.
    There is also that fear of impending doom, mostly acute while driving.

    I cannot lift weights, 'cause I fatigue easily 1-2 days after MO.
    Daily routine stopped on account of fatigue.
    It feels like I lost everything I have learned up-to that point in time.
    I cannot learn anything deeply too.
    Cannot think of topics to continue a conversation I have with people.
    People think I am a nice guy, but no! I was not before. I have been a competent public speaker and not a pushover. But porn enervated me.
    Extreme voyeurism, the feeling of watching the world passively without confronting it with action, just like watching porn in screens with you passively absorping it.
    Brain Fog. Women act to you as if you are no capable guy, 'cause you are a pheromonal beta.
    Bad things happen a lot after I MO.
    Thoughts of destruction and annihilation, a clear indication of straying from the path you were meant to follow.
    Worse, if people criticize you for your incompetence, you feel like to break down and cry.
    Night time is the worst, for I cannot sleep because there is that feeling of absolute dread. I get up multiple times from the bed, walk here and there with my mind running in circles.
    Depression. Fear. Apathy. Malaise.
    Shame. Self-consciousness.
     
    Brit_91_kd and -Luke- like this.
  2. -Luke-

    -Luke- Active Member

    I can totally relate to that. Nicely written. Use that as a motivation to become a better man.
     
    Manly Man likes this.
  3. jack91

    jack91 Find your way throuh Staff Member

    Its odd that we face this together but have nothing to say about it. Everyone suffer in their own little world they created while unity with world and people falls through our fingers and we end up living the very best years of our lives in bubble of lies. People get depressed and doesn't understand the reason. They do not believe the truth about porn. Sorry for your hardships but remember, afterall we are not alone. We here at ybrb relate and remember the porn lifestyle and what it is.
     
  4. auzzie_mikey

    auzzie_mikey Active Member


    Dude what you say is exactly what I am experiencing at the moment. Most horrific withdrawals

    Whenever I eat something, I feel like going to take a poo straight after. And whenever I eat something, I keep getting burps. Like my stomach never feels settled and comfortable like it once used to. Before when I was normal and ok, my stomach was fine and didn't have any problems. Now my indigestion is fucked and feels unsettled all the time. Does anyone else share this indigestion, stomach problems as me and frequently having to poo during the day?

    Another massive symptom is my inability to sleep well. Insomnia. I feel quite a fatigued mind that feels worn out and fatigued. I feel as if my mind is extremely fatigued and its trying to recover. But I can't sleep due to extreme pain and also indigestion I feel while sleeping at night.

    The most horrible feeling I feel is huge anxiety (pressure in tummy). Like when I'm in public, someone can sense my weakness of my eyes and presence and they then keep staring at me. This causes extreme anxiety n pain in my stomach. Like pressure builds in my stomach. When I'm at work, co-workers sense i'm weak and then they keep staring at me. Causes pressure in my stomach. Its the most unsettling feeling.

    Even I was in public today on the train in morning peak hour public. While walking to the station, I already had massive anxiety and pressure in my stomach cause I know people would judge me and stare at me. And that's what happened. I went and sat inside the train, already these women kept staring at me cause they sense how weak I am. All these guys around me flexing their arms and being aggressive towards me and yet I'm not doing anything to them. Primarily they do that because of how weak and anxious I look and appear.

    Dude you talk about not being able to respond or defend yourself when people belittle you or insult you?? I can't even stand or sit normally in the train without people staring at me in an aggressive manner. This causes me massive anxiety and pressure in my stomach... It's the worst feeling ever...

    Dude these things below what you said are exactly what I feel....
    Anxiety and weakness and pain for no reason....

    When I see men/women I know coming my way, I feel irrational fear in meeting them. Most times I feign ignorance of them or move away to an another path.
    There is also that fear of impending doom, mostly acute while driving.
    I have been a competent public speaker and not a pushover. But porn enervated me.Brain Fog. Women act to you as if you are no capable guy, 'cause you are a pheromonal beta.
    Thoughts of destruction and annihilation, a clear indication of straying from the path you were meant to follow.
    Worse, if people criticize you for your incompetence, you feel like to break down and cry.
    Night time is the worst, for I cannot sleep because there is that feeling of absolute dread. I get up multiple times from the bed, walk here and there with my mind running in circles.
    Depression. Fear. Apathy. Malaise.
    Shame. Self-consciousness

    Worst thing is I don't even know if real sex causes these horrible mental symptoms to me or not? I'll have to find out.
     

Share This Page