What are healthy ways of expressing sexuality?

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by hope2overcome, Oct 23, 2016.

  1. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    Obviously, pmo'ing isn't the way. So, what is? Perving over pics? flirting with anything that moves with boobs? Turning our head after a chick walks by to check out her ass? Stare blankly at a girl's eye telegraphing interest as she walks by? Wanting sex all the time with any girls, thinking about sex all the time?

    So, my question is really what are healthy ways of expressing male sexuality without repressing it? And, of course, excluding PMO'ing.
  2. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    Having sexual interactions (from kissing to cuddling to having actual sex) with your girlfriend while respecting each other's boundaries (not only physical, but also emotional). That requires honesty, openness, vulnerability (by Brené Brown's definition) and respect.

    Before that's, there's flirting, which is sexual in a way. But with the same honesty, openness (although less at the beginning, but gradually more), vulnerability and respect.

    So it's a sexuality based on oxytocin more than dopamine. I believe it's not "not good", it's actually very healthy and beneficial for both partners.
  3. NewTerritories

    NewTerritories virtual

    Having sex with your partner is obvious. Based on that, so would be the actions that lead up to that, in a healthy way.

    So yes, flirting, when it's the right time, place and manner.

    Looking at attractive bodies in public? Well... what good does it do? It's certainly a normal, natural impulse... but it's an incomplete expression. Perceiving someone appealing is just an event. Then, actively focusing on her is... action. Ideally this leads to more action: starting a conversation with her. But if you're not going to do that, why turn your head and signal your thirst to everyone?

    What you want is just what you want. Not up to you.

    Thinking in terms of choosing what to focus on, that's up to you. I say fantasy/sexual imagination is good when it has a purpose beyond itself, towards forging a real connection with another (whether an ideal, speculative partner you're preparing to meet, or actual person you want to know better).

    There's a possibility of excess. There comes times when you need to deliberately refocus your attention elsewhere. But don't get frustrated at non-success in controlling thoughts or desires. Gotta learn to live with them.

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