Well look who is here .... UGH.

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by ruggerdoug, Jul 31, 2014.

  1. ruggerdoug

    ruggerdoug Well-Known Member

    @Tomato76 it does sound gloomy! But some of the literature I read when I wrote my personal mission / vision statement says to start with your death and then think backwards. Do I want to die the man I want to be or a PMOing fool? Well, the choice is obvious! It is high motivation to stop being the PMOing fool! With that in mind the book seems fascinating to me! Thanks for the suggestion!

    A little slow moving this morning. Sons took me out for birthday last night. Heavy meal and a few drinks. Nothing out of bounds. But that plus two days of Crossfit and poor sleep ... I am dragging this morning!

    I'm like 80% on my routine plan. It is helping me keep focus particularly in instances where I would have PMO'd or MO'd, etc. during the day because of stress, etc.

    After 10ish days doing this I realize I'm going to spend most of my year tweaking and getting this right.

    Last night when I went to bed a thought jumped at me ... "It's your birthday what could 1 fap to porn hurt? It is ok ... " I ignored the thought, set my alarm and went right to sleep. Two or three weeks ago I would have talked myself into doing it.

    I feel good about where I am.

    RD
     
    Mozenjo likes this.
  2. ruggerdoug

    ruggerdoug Well-Known Member

    Routine crashed by the end of the week. Resetting as of Saturday as Friday & Saturday, I fapped to vent being tired and stressed.

    Committed to the routine. I still think it is my way out of this mess.

    Tweaking it tonight before I go to bed. I came within a few days of 30 days. I fapped but it wasn't crazy binging and as soon (Saturday evening - today) admitted to myself where I'd gone off path, I'm back to being solid.

    Key that I didn't read anything from my birthday on, had a social work event the night after my birthday and COVID insomnia kicked in. Instead of going to bed and just relaxing through it, I stayed up but kept getting up in the morning. Too tired to walk the dog in the mornings, I never found peace those last few days .... and then self medicated with my hand and my phone.

    So can't do that.

    Journey continues.

    RD
     
  3. ruggerdoug

    ruggerdoug Well-Known Member

    Morning coffee.

    Just a day. Another good 24 hours without PMO so good. But just neutral over everything else. Not getting bored when things are neutral and going PMO is the best thing about the last day or so.

    Off to work!
     
    Libertad likes this.

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