Was it a one-way trip to hell?

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by niskanen91, Mar 13, 2016.

  1. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Yes, however I'm still able to lie on my bed and masturbate to fetish scenarios that I create in my head.
     
  2. Thisworld

    Thisworld Member

    This is the worst right? Seems that in order to be aroused either porn or extremely specific script scenario are needed.
    If you manage to stay away from porn (and fetish fantasy) when the flaltine goes away you'll see how beautiful intimacy can be. Surely the kink doesn't go away, but vanilla will be enough for light you up
     
  3. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Yeah, MO'ing to fetish fantasy is definitely a problem since it affected my arousal even during the kinky encounters. I'm not sure if vanilla will ever be enough for me (since during my testing I noticed that the most arousing is a 'vanilla' intimacy with a woman perceived as "kinky"), however removing MO seems to be necessary to even enjoy that.

    And to be quite frank, when there's a willingness and creativity, the difference between "vanilla" and "kinky" woman is just a few accessories/clothes produced in China.
     
  4. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Day 8.

    Still at the 'dopamine detox' stage of this reboot, after it's done need to MO way less and socialize way more.

    The recent months have been good, however while my few and far between binges may look good on paper, a binge lasting few hours may equal 30-60 porn sessions of a regular user.
     
  5. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Completely unrelated to sexuality but starting a 2500 cal/day regime starting today. Need to lose some fat ;)
     
  6. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    After over 6 years of self-discovery with this journal and few decades on this planet here are random thoughts related to the strategy for the next years:
    1) If the biggest issue with vanilla women was that they were not kinky (e. g. I was always trying to move "vanilla" encounters to more kinky territory), there's no point in not going to BDSM munches/events. 40+ y. o. hooker was my best sexual experience because she was clearly enjoying domming.
    2) MO'ing too much is an issue.
    3) Eliminating porn completely is the most important thing.
    4) I think I'm into "vanilla" sex with "non-vanilla" women, if that makes sense. Wouldn't expect that when I started the journey but I think it's a good news.
    5) Need to approach it from "find out what I enjoy and enjoy it, whatever the society thinks" (while also not ruining my reputation ofc) angle rather than "force myself to be vanilla".
     
  7. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Another binge, as always started by browsing fetlife, r/femdomcommunity and then femdom blogs. Using a cigarette analogy those are like taking one puff, using an alcohol, it's an "innocent" sip of a beer. What my brain rationalizes as a way to find kinky partner is a slippery slope leading to yet another porn binge.
     
  8. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    When giving up smoking, there was a very distinct line because it's clear what is a nicotine and what is not. The line drawn at 'never take another puff' has made me tobacco free for almost 4 years. It's super hard to apply that to PMO but let's try.

    Here are the new rules, everything below RESETS the counter to zero:

    1) Porn,
    2) Femdom blogs,
    3) r/femdomcommunity,
    4) FetLife is allowed only to look at events and only on the phone,
    5) Masturbating is allowed only once per 14 days and only in the bathroom (has to be bathroom downstairs in my family home).
    6) Any femdom erotica,

    It's almost hard mode, let's see where it leads me to.
     
    Thisworld likes this.

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