Was it a one-way trip to hell?

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by niskanen91, Mar 13, 2016.

  1. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    TimeToActuallyTry likes this.
  2. forlorn

    forlorn Well-Known Member

    I’m not sure I entirely agree with this. On the one hand, you’re a young man exploring his sexuality and trying to discover his true self. However, do you think you are genuinely benefiting from these encounters?
    Or are you descending down a path where such visits will become more regular and the lines between your fantasies and reality become increasingly blurred? As someone who visited escorts and Dommes in the past, some of those encounters still play on my mind to this day. I’m not suggesting you deny who you are or entirely try to repress your fantasies. But there is a balancing act to be had - to accept this side of yourself, but not to allow it to consume you.

    Just to be clear, I’m not judging your actions, I'm merely trying to offer another perspective.

    My advice would be to start moving towards a more virtuous path. Try to forget about FetLife, porn sites and Dommes - all that time you’re spending browsing profiles and planning these encounters is providing you with unnaturally high levels of dopamine and unrealistic expectations of sexual intimacy.

    As I’m sure you’re aware, there is no miracle cure but what you can do (if you’re not already) is start taking care of the fundamentals. Are you eating well, sleeping enough, getting daily exercise and focusing on your career? You could also work on your self esteem - one way to do this is build small daily habits that promote physical and mental well-being.

    Did you have any luck finding a better therapist?
     
    niskanen91 likes this.
  3. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Hey @forlorn , thanks for your feedback, I'll start from the end of your post as those things are a bit easier for me to comment on:

    Yes. Two visits already. She's not as good as the original one but she's good enough. Decided to remain with her, at least for now.

    I'm actively tackling all of those topics already. I've gained some weight during the pandemics but in the last 2 weeks I've lost around 1.5 kgs. I'm focusing lots of energy on those things, actually, recently the only area that is suffering is my sexuality as I'm having porn binges.

    Well, I'm not going to deny that the point about escorts is the one that I have the most doubts on but in general I don't think I regret those visits, for few reasons. First of all, while I realized that intimacy bought for money is fake and lacks any emotional connection, I had to visit escorts to come to that realization. Second of all, visits to escorts allow me to try "weird" staff without this knowledge being shared inside my social circle, which allows me to experiment without it affecting my reputation. The third thing is that while femdom is super arousing when browsing internet (including rock hard erection), it's not arousing in real life (including soft penis). Because of that, I'm not getting addicted to them in the same way, I would be addicted to internet erotica/porn. How much of that is caused by the fact that this whole femdom thing can only work in fantasy land and how much is caused by the fact that those are escorts and there are no emotions involved, remains unknown.

    No worries, I'm not considering your feedback as an attack.

    I do agree with the porn point but the fetlife/dommes part is still confusing for me. I think that if it turns out that I'm indeed into femdom, finding dominant girl on fetish event would be easier than converting vanilla one into something that she isn't. And if I find that I'm not turned by being submissive myself but rather by aggressive woman, I think that she would be easier to find on a fetish event than in, let's say, work office.

    Really appreciate your point of view, @forlorn .
     
  4. forlorn

    forlorn Well-Known Member

    That's a fair point.

    I can understand that - and agree it's confusing. I suppose it depends what you want out of life. And to an extent, it's a question of doing what you think you want, versus doing what society expects of you.

    I would suggest it's pretty obvious that you genuinely are into femdom. I'm not familiar with FetLife, but if I had to speculate, I'd imagine the girls on there have hundreds of potential suitors to choose from, therefore your options could be limited. Relationships of course, go beyond just sex.
     
  5. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Yes, I think that I partially solved "society" part by realizing that they don't care about your happiness, they just want you to fit their model and fill their needs. I didn't solve "what I want" part as femdom in real life doesn't seem to satisfy me. This is a deeper topic but with more experimenting and staying off internet stimuli, I should be able to find it out.

    As for FetLife women, based on my experience, it's a mix of genuine masochists, genuine freaks and sex workers trying to market themselves.
     
  6. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Had to MO to deal with tension (no porn at all).

    2x MO today

    Last cig - Aug 11, 2018
    Last PMO - May 3, 2021
    Last MO - May 12, 2021
    Orgasms in the last 7 days - 1

    Also amount of orgasms in given months:
    Jan '21 (counted since Jan 18th) - 3
    Feb '21 - 15
    Mar '21 - 14
    Apr '21 - 14
    May '21 - 4
     
    Last edited: May 12, 2021
  7. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Post for all May MO sessions (I'll edit this one rather than creating new posts):

    2x May, 2nd (porn)
    2x May, 12th (no porn)
    1x May, 14th (no porn)
    1x May, 19th (domme visit)
    2x May, 20th (no porn)
    1x May, 22th (no porn)
    1x May, 24th (no porn)
    1x May, 26th (no porn)
    1x May, 28th (no porn)
    2x May, 30th (no porn)

    in total 14 orgasms
     
    Last edited: May 30, 2021
  8. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Another domme visit.

    This time, however, this wasn't an escort who whips guys for money between being penetrated but a dominatrix that only does that. Also, unlike most of the dommes I visited, this one didn't look at the clock and the session lasted very long (about 90 minutes). She was good looking (albeit 10-15 years older than me) and, unlike other dommes, she was legitimately smart, if I had to estimate she had like 10-15 more IQ points than the dommes that I visited previously and, as you may imagine, it matters A LOT. Because she was able to intellectually handle the session, she was really committed and there was something about her that makes me crave her, this was by far the best femdom session I ever had. I won't go into practices that we did, not to trigger anyone but the whole emotional aspect that previous visits to sex workers sorely lacked, this time was here. She was playing with my mind and had both confidence and intelligence to do so. Her smell was great.

    On the other hand, due to the fact that she works solely as a dominatrix and not a regular escort, she was very adament in terms of not touching her and, in my dreams, I'd like to get muuuuuuuch closer to her both sexually and emotionally (I'd love to hug her after the orgasm). Also, again, effects of watching porn and MO were quite obvious as penis again didn't work properly.

    The key thing, however, was that it has brought me closer to answering the question, if femdom/fetish would be necessary for me in the relationship and I'd lean towards "yes" today. After today, I think that forming a relationship with a woman who e. g. finds femdom repulsive would be very hard and now I know that awareness of the necessity to find an evilness in a woman is something that may allow me to actually create a relationship.
     
    Last edited: May 20, 2021
  9. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    One thing that I forgot to mention about last visit. Since this journal was initially about erection, it would be good to write it down.

    She was a smart woman, both in terms of noticing things about me and also in temrs of knowing which topics to touch and which to avoid. She noticed due to the width of my penis that I masturbated that way and she said (calmly and in a confident manner) something that in vanilla convention would sound like "do you know that if you masturbate, you're less aroused for real deal later that day" (she said it in a femdom way, I don't want to trigger anyone though), when I countered that with the fact that I didn't have orgasm, she said that despite that, the mere masturbation decreases libido during real deal.

    When I had earlier visits, I remember that I came with a basically soft dick (during the double domme visit few months ago it was extremely soft) but when this one told me to masturbate myself, it got steadily harder and at the end of the session, when she stopped me twice, it was as hard as it would be if I were alone :) She has built, despite femdom convention, a really good atmosphere. This is important and I feel that it's hard to achieve with a sex worker.
     
  10. Raymond

    Raymond New Member

    Might, but what is your point exactly?

    The Domme is well trained for Femdom situations like these and in return they get compensated with money.

    The idea is to train yourself to have vaginal intercourse, because you cannot pay for every orgasim.

    The longer you do not ejaculate before visiting a Domme the heavier your orgasims are going to be.
     
  11. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Thanks for your post.

    Two questions to you:

    1) What if I find lifestyle domme, that would do BDSM things with me as a part of relationship and without money exchange?
    2) What if, after let's say one year of not using porn/artificial stimuli, I will be more aroused by BDSM rather than penis-in-vagina intercourse?

    Genuinely curious what you think about that.
     
  12. Raymond

    Raymond New Member

    To answer question 1)
    I found a thread from 2016 from you: https://yourbrainrebalanced.com/forum/index.php?threads/femdom-what-if-its-who-i-really-am.33236/
    And you claim these answers to your questions:
    "2) find domme girl via fetlife - my odds are very low, dom-sub ratio is very low and the girl has to be good looking as well and our fetishes must be at least to some level compatible.
    3) try to find domme in real life/via tinder - here the good thing is that i can make sure that chick is good looking/good personality but the reputation risk is insanely high here. like, you wouldnt want your family/friends/coworkers want to know that you're submissive male :D".

    I agree and just wouldn't know how to make this a part of the relationship and how to find a lifestyle domme.

    Maybe extremely dating every girl you can to find out if one of them matches your F needs, but it is a lot of work.

    To answer question 2)
    Not watching P will help to get the extreme F edges off.
    I can get aroused if a girl is cranky or angry and I will use my submissive side to comfort her.
    This has gotten me aroused in the past and I can take this to the bedroom.
    Maybe you can trick your mind for soft BDSM and just enjoy some elements the female has to offer.
     
  13. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    5 years later and to be absolutely fair, I didn't commit to fetish community at all (only 1 visit on the fetish related party) so bad results could be attributed to that. I'm going to change that but both fetlife and reddit indicate that finding a "domme" isn't impossible as there are many examples of femdom relationship. Regarding point 3, especially after I was watching femdom porn, some women actually flirted with me using words "whips" etc. They could somehow smell that I'm into this :D Doesn't really change much but I still agree that finding domme in a vanilla world would be insanely hard. But again, with the knowledge and experience I have today, not commiting to the local BDSM community was a mistake.

    My question here was more meant to ask about the merit of aiming for PIV sex if it turns out that I'm into femdom sex more than that and my body would crave the latter much more than the former? It would be like forcing gay/lesbian to become a heterosexual or the guy who's into ginger women to go after brunettes. He could but it would be lying to himself, at least in my opinion.
     
  14. Raymond

    Raymond New Member

    Yes I have read peoples comments, they are stating that in a relationship you should provide your partners fetishes.
    There is also the possibility of a D/s relationship.

    I tried dating trough Fetlife and visiting munches.
    I had multiple dates with one woman, she was heavenly focused on her sadistic side due to being cheated on or some trauma.
    This made me somewhat uncomfortable at times.

    Then COVID came and I stopped dating trough fetlife and visiting munches.

    I am 100% heterosexual and submissive.
    If we lived in an era before the internet my submissive side towards woman must have come out one way or the other.
    Only now I have somehow gotten inspiration from F-porn, TV and other media.
     
  15. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

  16. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    One month without porn!

    Last cig - Aug 11, 2018
    Last PMO - May 3, 2021
    Last MO - May 30, 2021

    Also amount of orgasms in given months:
    Jan '21 (counted since Jan 18th) - 3
    Feb '21 - 15
    Mar '21 - 14
    Apr '21 - 14
    May '21 - 14
     
  17. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Post for June MO sessions:

    2x Jun 3rd (domme + later home, both without porn)
    1x Jun 8th (no porn)
    2x Jun 13th (no porn)
    2x Jun 18th (no porn)
    1x Jun 19th (no porn)
    3x Jun 20th (no porn but femdom blogs + domme twitter with vids)
    1x Jun 21th (PORN)
    3x Jun 25th (PORN)

    In total 15 times
     
    Last edited: Jun 25, 2021
  18. Raymond

    Raymond New Member

    What is your goal exactly?

    You have visited a Domme and then MO twice?

    That isn't really a hard thing to do as you can MO on your Domme experience?
     
  19. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    The goal is to have functional sexuality in real life.

    I visited a domme and then MO'd once on this experience, yes. That wasn't hard, MO'ing in general isn't hard for me as I can imagine various femdom scenarios quite easily.
     
  20. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    6 orgasms in last 3 days and on top of that, I've read a femdom blog today. Still no porn but there's too much behaviors that mimic porn (I fantasized about femdom a lot in the recent 3 days).
     
    baywalker likes this.

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