Was it a one-way trip to hell?

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by niskanen91, Mar 13, 2016.

  1. JohannesParvus

    JohannesParvus New Member

    Sounds like you're making progress, well done.
     
    niskanen91 likes this.
  2. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    2x MO on March, 13th. I have hangover, that's why there was an urge to MO.

    3 orgasms in the last week.
     
  3. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Got back to playing video games, which affects my dopamine system so much that I have no motivation to do anything else :(
     
  4. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    MO on March, 18th,
    Orgasms in the last week: 3
    Orgasms in the last month: 9
     
  5. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Relapse to porn on March 18th. :(
    3x PMO
     
    Last edited: Mar 18, 2021
  6. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Binge continues with the 1 orgasm to PMO on March, 19th.
     
  7. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Day 1. Feeling tired physically after those binges but surprisingly only slightly beta.
     
  8. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Just pasting 6 rules again:

    1) No porn - doesn't need explanation. Relapsing to porn is like relapsing to cigarettes, nothing else matters if I don't stay away from P.
    2) No substitutes - if it's ain't real, no deal. In the past stories, photos etc. had similar effect as porn. So FetLife and femdom stories count as porn.
    3) MO is bad because it keeps me away from real deal (as it lowers the tension and decreases libido, plus it keeps my sexuality in fantasy land). It's not as bad as porn though and I can recover completely in 7-10 days (I think) so I'll keep separate counter for that.
    4) Training (both soccer and strength) is good as, among many other benefits, it makes me horny.
    5) Escorts, despite disadvantages are good because:
    a) they keep my sexuality closer to reality,
    b) sexual experience (I have obviously very little),
    c) zero consequences (social) if my penis doesn't work.
    So whenever I feel horniness towards real girls on the streets/anywhere, I'll just go visit an escort. This is very important part of the strategy.
    6) Distinction between femdom and vanilla isn't important at this point as long as it happens in real life. Discovery of my REAL preferences is an additional but important goal of this journey.
     
  9. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    2x PMO on March, 22 2021

    Things aren't going well recently. 2 binges, one was 75 minutes long, another like , despite the fact that I was ready to cum after 2 minutes but decided to edge for another 73.

    It's a damn, f****ing drug. Also loneliness doesn't help. Perhaps I should get back in touch with my therapist.

    EDIT: Second binge added, lasted like 45 minutes.
     
    Last edited: Mar 23, 2021
  10. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    3x PMO on March, 25 2021

    Cravings once again end up stronger than me :(
     
    Last edited: Mar 25, 2021
  11. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Day 1.

    Feeling awfully beta after the recent binges. The darkness at its worst.

    Watched some Gary Wilson footage, took a walk and talked to parents via phone.

    Ready to keep going. It's 6th year but as long as I don't give up, there's always a hope :)
     
  12. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Day 3.

    Feeling a bit better.

    [​IMG]
     
    JohannesParvus likes this.
  13. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Day 4.

    No major updates, gotta stay the course!
     
    JohannesParvus likes this.
  14. JohannesParvus

    JohannesParvus New Member

    You can do it!
     
    niskanen91 likes this.
  15. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Day 6.

    Going strong :)
     
  16. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    MO on Apr 8th, 2021.

    Visited domme.

    After not orgasming for 2 weeks, I noticed ALL female butts and legs on the way to the domme, however the visit itself was disappointing, even though I was objectively horny. I think it reinforces two points that I already knew:

    1) Due to emotionless interaction with an escort, this intimacy will always be flawed.
    2) Femdom is arousing in my "secret garden". Doing it in real life, isn't arousing.

    No harm done since those visits set me back way less than wanking to fantasy, let alone porn.
     
  17. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Relapse to porn followed.

    3x PMO on Apr 8th, 2020.

    4 orgasms today in total.
     
    Last edited: Apr 8, 2021
  18. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Day 1.

    Threw away chastity belt and silicon pussy. The symbolism of throwing away "an artefact" related to the addiction is very strong. It helped me immensely when giving up smoking in 2018.

    Got myself an appointment with a new therapist on Monday (the old one who was pretty cool didn't answer my text).

    A friend invited me for a beer on Sunday.

    So some positive news overall aside from feeling beta after porn binge yesterday.
     
  19. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Day 2.

    Played soccer so endorphines went up but still feeling beta. I wish it is the last "day 2" of this journey.
     
  20. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Day 4.

    Feeling beta. Hoping that this is the last "day 4" of this journey :)
     

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