Was it a one-way trip to hell?

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by niskanen91, Mar 13, 2016.

  1. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Relapse...

    Last cig - Aug 11, 2018
    Last PMO - Nov 10, 2020
    Last MO - Nov 10, 2020
     
  2. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    Happens... Back on the saddle now !

    This is just my opinion so take it for what it's worth (also controversial stuff I guess) : I don't know if I would go for that silicon pussy thing to be honest but that's me. I think if we are single and are going to O it would be best for it to be a wet dream or a MO with soft grip and focusing on touch sensation (light grip) and maybe some realistic fantasies.

    Best of luck forward mate !
     
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  3. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Relapse Nov 15 (PMO 4x)
     
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2020
  4. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Sorry for late reply!

    Sadly, I didn't manage to get back on the "winning" streak as I had a long binge last night.

    Regarding silicon pussy, I think that this is indeed controversial topic, I think there are some advantages (actual penetration, not using the hand) and some disadvantages as well. I don't think it's as harmful as porn but it feels a bit weird when not paired with fantasies/porn (as normally woman's body would excite me when having sex, silicon pussy can't achieve that).
     
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  5. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    Yeah I had a reset as well since my last post. I was around 31 days without PMO. It was a P-Subs MO at least ... Now we can both try to get back up !

    Yeah, good points with the silicon pussy (lol). It's probably still better then a porn binge that's for sure !

    For me I think I will try to favor simple healthy MO as the way to O until I get that girlfriend ...
     
  6. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    31 days is a great result, streaks like those increase arousal to real women even if you relapse sometimes.

    So we are both in the same hole, I will keep fingers crossed for you ;)
     
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  7. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    Thank you and likewise ! :)

    Yeah - with each streak I feel more desire for actual women. Realistic desire to be with them. That's always a great motivator to stay off P. Coupled with taking steps towards making that reality happen.
     
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  8. Joost

    Joost Member

    What hole are you guys talking about? I hope not..
    Just kidding. :) This forum. You can read the darnest things on here.
    Silicon pussy. At least it doesn't bite back. But you still have to clean it.
    No offence mate. Humor me.

    You have some great streaks Mr. Longway. I believe I had my best streak the 7 weeks I was institutionalized.
     
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  9. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Thanks for the laugh, @Joost . Indeed, using the word "hole" wasn't the best choice here :D
     
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  10. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Last cig - Aug 11, 2018
    Last PMO - Nov 15, 2020
    Last MO - Nov 15, 2020

    Zero energy after hours of PMO few days ago...
     
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  11. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Relapsed. Hard to get back on track after lots of PMO recently ;(

    Last cig - Aug 11, 2018
    Last PMO - Nov 17, 2020
    Last MO - Nov 17, 2020
     
  12. Joost

    Joost Member

    Yeah it is and we often take it for granted that it takes a few days to build our momentum again. I think that is false though. You and I, can step back into the truth at every moment of our lives, regardless of how much pmo we did recently. Honestly the best advice I can come up with is to plug out the internet and go for a walk, immediately after relapse. Confront your self with reality. I say it because we have the tendency to hide and cower away after relapse. Thats what I've been doing today and it only makes things worse.

    There's always something you can do by which you immediately step out of that hole you dug.

    Joost
     
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  13. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Hey @Joost , what you're saying is right. Too late for me to go for walk today, will go tomorrow but for now the only reality I'm going to face is the fast food that I ordered.

    Since relapsing, I have zero motivation to do training, prepare food (even simple sandwiches), talk to anyone, nothing.

    It's funny how my fantasies and porn change me. Few weeks without porn and I'm a brand new man. Few binges here and there and I'm antisocial, lazy beta.
     
  14. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    After 15 days without weight workout, I did full body workout today (there was some soccer in-between so it wasn't a completely inactive period). Also got aroused by vanilla thing that happened to me today (small but won't write it here not to trigger anyone). This is strange given that I had 3 porn binges in the recent 10 days.

    So some positive signs :)
     
  15. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    5 days w/o porn!

    Alright so on the recent page, I started to write down the list of different things regarding the strategy that I need to take. I didn't finish it but I feel that in order to succeed with PIED (like I did with cigarettes), I need a clear and simple philosophy. Additionally, it would be good if it was also a bit optimistic. So here's the approach for the remainder of this year and also for 2021:

    1) No porn - doesn't need explanation. Relapsing to porn is like relapsing to cigarettes, nothing else matters if I don't stay away from P.
    2) No substitutes - if it's ain't real, no deal. In the past stories, photos etc. had similar effect as porn. So FetLife and femdom stories count as porn.
    3) MO is bad because it keeps me away from real deal (as it lowers the tension and decreases libido, plus it keeps my sexuality in fantasy land). It's not as bad as porn though and I can recover completely in 7-10 days (I think) so I'll keep separate counter for that.
    4) Training (both soccer and strength) is good as, among many other benefits, it makes me horny.
    5) Escorts, despite disadvantages are good because:
    a) they keep my sexuality closer to reality,
    b) sexual experience (I have obviously very little),
    c) zero consequences (social) if my penis doesn't work.
    So whenever I feel horniness towards real girls on the streets/anywhere, I'll just go visit an escort. This is very important part of the strategy.
    6) Distinction between femdom and vanilla isn't important at this point as long as it happens in real life. Discovery of my REAL preferences is an additional but important goal of this journey.

    6 points, clear plan. No porn, very limited wanking in general and visiting escorts whenever horniness appears. The sexual relationships with non-escort girls should then build naturally.
     
  16. Joost

    Joost Member

    See, that's the point I was trying to make in my other post above. It doesn't really matter how much porn you did last days. There's always something you can do to feel better. But you have to face reality. Going on a food binge isn't facing reality, I'd say. The reality is, porn is making us feel shitty, because we're looking at other people for our own lust. It only leaves you more hungry.

    Alas, i'm glad you're doing better now. Nothing wrong with 'vanilla'.
     
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  17. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Visited vanilla prostitute today.

    Reason? It was 7 days since my last orgasm (to porn) and my domme prostitute wasn't working today.

    Results? Mixed.

    She was young, had ok body, wasn't really my type but had cool personality and was very understanding and helpful. We started in a vanilla way and incorporated little femdom after I told her what I fantasize about but it was still very 'vanilla' meeting.

    I will not bring details so nobody gets triggered but due to inability to penetrate (penis going soft) and time running out, I finished using my hand. And here's the good thing, I've managed to get hard and to cum much earlier than when meeting with the dommes some weeks ago. So this is definitely step in the right direction, in terms of my sexuality.

    By the same token, I'm still light years away from being able to penetrate. This is the good aspect of visiting prostitutes, it's a good test of where I am with my recovery. And sadly, both in terms of physical sensitivity of my dick (death grip) and mental arousal of my mind, I'm in the beginning of the recovery. The porn thing here is huge because the lack of novelty makes me bored with prostitute after like 10 minutes.

    So the strategy stays the same as in post #595.

    EDIT: Also (trigger warning) forgot to mention that "the foreplay" consisted of me lying on my back completely relaxed and she was doing blowjob. I got excited and I think I got hard. I'd cum if she didn't stop. I think it's another "habit" that porn created, I'm aroused while sitting/lying and doing nothing (watching) but when I have to take action, bam, arousal disappears.

    So all of thing that Gary Wilson mentioned, that porn conditions us to fetishes, death grip, lying, being alone when being sexual, computer screen etc. are true in my case :(
     
    Last edited: Nov 24, 2020
  18. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Last cig - Aug 11, 2018
    Last PMO - Nov 17, 2020
    Last MO - Nov 26, 2020

    Tension caused by lack of orgasms started to interfere with my sleep, so I MO'd last night, without porn of course. Felt much more relaxed due to that :)
     
  19. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Just quoting the six rules. 11 days in, they seem to work. I like the simplicity of them. Rule 3 could use better wording but I'll leave it like this for now :)
     
  20. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    12 days in.

    Tried to set up a meeting with a prostitute today (after thinking about it a long, whether it's too early) but since it's Sunday noone seems to be working, in that case I will wait a bit more.
     

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