Was it a one-way trip to hell?

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by niskanen91, Mar 13, 2016.

  1. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Last PMO - Oct 17, 2020
     
  2. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Last PMO - Oct 20, 2020
     
  3. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Last PMO - Oct 24, 2020
     
  4. Sarek

    Sarek New Member

    What keeps triggering you lately?
     
  5. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    I think horniness (lots of weight training and soccer as well) and also loneliness. Almost zero human contact in recent weeks.
     
  6. Sarek

    Sarek New Member

    Yeah I hear that. Loneliness is really tough to work though.
     
    niskanen91 likes this.
  7. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    That's true. I had some good streaks during the lockdown though so that shouldn't be an excuse.
     
  8. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Day 1 today. :)

    I was thinking a bit yesterday about the strategy that I need to apply, in order to win. Recent year has provided some very important lessons (long streaks, visit to dommes) etc. It's been over 4 years of writting this journal and while I've made some significant progress, I wasn't able to build a proper relationship with a woman, despite the fact that "on paper" I consider myself attractive. So here's the plan for the next year. I've written it down in points also with some explanation. So far only 3 points are written down but I will make a complete list soon. Mostly to inspire myself but hopefully it also helps others.

    #noporn2021

    1. It's not about beating femdom. It's about fantasy versus reality.
    This is a very important thing that I wasn't aware of for the most of my life. You see, after having very unfulfilling adventures with women in my life, I blamed it on the fact that they are not "femdom enough". Last month visits to the dommes (second was attractive and exactly my type of a woman), has proven me wrong. The moment when I was with her, she was playing domme role very well, she was acting out my fetishes and I didn't even get hard was eye-opening. My sexuality is out of sync with reality. My sexuality feels comfortable when using porn. My sexuality uses reality as a fule to fantasies (my natural instinct when I see hot woman isn't to approach her sexually but to wank to that memory). I know it's weird but being honest with myself is the only way to go.

    I don't think that "femdom" is an enemy per se. "Femdom" in reality feels very different than in fantasy. Of course, there are risk attached to it but I think that including this in sexual reboot from porn helps. There's also a problem of relapsing right after visits to escorts (probably due to the lack of satisfaction reality provides) but I can't fix my sexuality without trying real women.

    2. No porn.
    If the first point is about fantasy vs. reality, then the plan has to include eliminating all artificial stimuli. Timer for no porn streak has to be all the time updated in my signature (it already is for few years so it's not a big deal). Using porn not only affects my sexuality (by completely destroying it), it also affects virtually all other areas of my life, e. g. by killing my motivation, making me feel weak, emasculate, beta etc. Because of that I also tend to withdraw socially when using porn.

    I think that porn is the most harmful variable of all that exist within my problem and removing porn is sine qua non condition of the final success. All other points of this list could be kept but if I keep watching porn, it doesn't matter. Quitting porn is necessary to move my sexuality entirely from fantasy land into reality.

    And since I consider porn a drug, the same rule that I've applied to cigarettes applies here. The rule is that a single application of the drug will reactive all addiction related pathways and send me back to square one.

    3. "Porn" doesn't only mean porn movies (in multiple tabs).
    Those are of course the worst but following things also have had the similar (albeit much smaller) effect on me:
    a) posts on fetish forums,
    b) captions,
    c) pictures,
    d) stories.

    Those either worked as a soft version of porn or led me to full binges later. They have to be removed entirely, even if their effect is much less than the effect of porn movies. All of those things will count as a porn relapse.

    Fetish events have to be accessed with "text only" browser add-on and profiles of escorts have to be visited only when I actually plan to visit (not to see what arouses me for example).

    To be continued...
     
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2020
  9. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Last cig - Aug 11, 2018
    Last PMO - Oct 24, 2020
    Last MO - Oct 27, 2020

    808 days without cigarette! :)
     
  10. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    MO session without porn seems to be much less harmful than with porn. Normally, I'd feel awful now but feeling quite normal ;)
     
  11. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Last cig - Aug 11, 2018
    Last PMO - Oct 24, 2020
    Last MO - Oct 29, 2020
     
  12. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    One week without porn :)
     
  13. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Last cig - Aug 11, 2018
    Last PMO - Oct 24, 2020
    Last MO - Oct 31, 2020
     
  14. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Very horny recently due to the training but 8 days without porn. I still have a chance to give myself the gift of 2 months without porn for Christmas.
     
  15. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Last cig - Aug 11, 2018
    Last PMO - Oct 24, 2020
    Last MO - Nov 3, 2020

    2 quick MOs. No porn so porn-free streak is kept alive :)
     
    Sarek likes this.
  16. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    That's a nice way to put it. I'll try to think of that as well.

    Even if you have occasional resets you seem to be doing pretty good on your no PMO streaks.
     
    niskanen91 likes this.
  17. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Hey, thanks for your supportive words. The goal is to leave porn for good (just like I did with cigarettes) but last year was the best in terms of streaks, that's true :)
     
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.
  18. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Last cig - Aug 11, 2018
    Last PMO - Oct 24, 2020
    Last MO - Nov 5, 2020

    Lots of training => Lots of horniness
     
  19. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Last cig - Aug 11, 2018
    Last PMO - Oct 24, 2020
    Last MO - Nov 6, 2020

    2 weeks without porn is a good news but MO'ing almost daily kills my libido very efficiently :(
     
  20. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Last cig - Aug 11, 2018
    Last PMO - Oct 24, 2020
    Last MO - Nov 10, 2020

    Good news? 17 days without porn.
    Bad news? Used silicon pussy today and the sensation feels much less arousing than my own hand, which means that MO'ing isn't free of its disadvantages, sadly.
     

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