Was it a one-way trip to hell?

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by niskanen91, Mar 13, 2016.

  1. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Don't worry niskanen, congrats on the day 10 streak you achieved!

    Now pick yourself up again and lets see how far you can go this time, I believe in you
     
    niskanen91 likes this.
  2. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Last PMO - Sep 13, 2020
    Last MO to femdom fantasies - Aug 30, 2020
    Last healthy MO - Sep 13, 2020
    Last cig - Aug 11, 2018
     
  3. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    MO'd to mix of vanilla and femdom (50/50 I'd say).

    Last PMO - Sep 13, 2020
    Last MO to femdom fantasies - Sep 15, 2020
    Last healthy MO - Sep 15, 2020
    Last cig - Aug 11, 2018
     
  4. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Day 4 of no porn!

    Last PMO - Sep 13, 2020
    Last MO to femdom fantasies - Sep 15, 2020
    Last healthy MO - Sep 15, 2020
    Last cig - Aug 11, 2018
     
  5. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Nice! Keep it up mate
     
    niskanen91 likes this.
  6. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    10 days without porn, 8 days without MO. Feeling horny but more alpha :)
     
    UK Don likes this.
  7. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Due to the tension, MO'd in a healthy way (quickly) but there were some femdom fantasies (mix of vanilla + femdom). I will count that as both femdom and healthy then:

    Last PMO - Sep 13, 2020
    Last MO to femdom fantasies - Sep 24, 2020
    Last healthy MO - Sep 24, 2020
    Last cig - Aug 11, 2018
     
  8. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    2 weeks without porn! :eek:
     
    UK Don, dualwield and Battlesword1 like this.
  9. Battlesword1

    Battlesword1 Active Member

    Keep on keeping on!
     
    niskanen91 likes this.
  10. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    MO'd. Tension was a bit too high, had lots of fantasies today. On the one hand, the good thing is that I'm not using porn (and any artificial stimuli) and I'm not spending hours wanking (it was quick one), on the other hand, masturbating to things other than my own touch keeps me away from being able to have real sex.

    Mixed feelings.

    Last PMO - Sep 13, 2020
    Last MO to femdom fantasies - Sep 27, 2020
    Last healthy MO - Sep 27, 2020
    Last cig - Aug 11, 2018
     
  11. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Another MO. Old story, mix of femdom and vanilla, don't know how to classify that.

    At least staying away from artificial stimulus (16 days now).

    Last PMO - Sep 13, 2020
    Last MO to femdom fantasies - Sep 29, 2020
    Last healthy MO - Sep 29, 2020
    Last cig - Aug 11, 2018
     
  12. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    MO'd to femdom fantasies.

    Recently feeling horny when seeing attractive women. I think I may be getting close to being ready for sex. Rare MOs and no artifical stimuli seem to be helping. I think the goal now would be to limit MOs to once a week and of course keep strict zero porn policy.

    21 days without porn.

    Last PMO - Sep 13, 2020
    Last MO to femdom fantasies - Oct 4, 2020
    Last healthy MO - Sep 29, 2020
    Last cig - Aug 11, 2018
     
  13. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Despite MO 2 days ago, feeling arousal when seeing women on the street. So still going in the right direction :)
     
    UK Don likes this.
  14. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Went to domme again.

    Post will contain triggers (I will try to hide them behind the spoiler) so here's your warning.

    So the whole experience was much better than the first time for few reasons:
    - domme was much more attractive than the previous one
    - domme was my type of a woman
    - while the previous one was trying to finish it asap, this one took full hour,
    - she played dominatrix very realistically.
    - I was on 24 days no-porn streak, the last MO was 3 days ago.
    - outside of dominatrix role, she was very kind woman, simply cool to be around,

    The practices that we've made during the hour:

    1) foot/shoe worship - it was a foreplay, after few minutes started to feel like a chore but I managed to turn on myself mentally to keep going,
    2) nipple clamps - after a few seconds I simply forgot about wearing that,
    3) wearing leash - quite humiliating, it was good,
    4) verbal humiliation - she was good at it, it built the atmosphere but didn't feel big arousal really,
    5) whipping - she whipped me hard (I asked for it) with 3 different toys, marks are almost gone. she did that a lot and while I feel it helped building atmosphere, it wasn't that arousing on its own.
    6) pussy worship - I enjoyed it. didn't get hard but could feel tingling in my penis.
    7) ass worship - same as above. btw. when doing points 6 and 7, had this moment when I thought that I'm doing one of my sexiest fantasies, to a super sexy woman and she's in my favorite position and yet... it's not as arousing as fantasy or porn. this felt weird.
    8) faceslapping - she did it really hard. made me a bit stressed but it helped building atmosphere.
    9) spitting - I liked that honestly, for some reason I liked it a lot when she spat into my mouth (I'm not normal it seems),
    10) pissing - nothing special,
    11) cleaning her bathroom - it took like 10 minutes and doing work was actually a bit of buzz killer, my arousal went down, I focused on doing the job correctly which wasn't that sexy,
    12) handjob - when she was trying to finish me (and I masturbated as well), there were again problems with erection and cumming. part of that is stress for sure, part of that is PIED. but in general I liked it when she played with my dick (but pressure to cum was a bit stressful in a not sexy way).

    So what are the lessons learnt today?
    a) Am I into femdom in real life? Sadly, can't answer this question today. I wouldn't go back to visit the first escort and when it comes to this one, she's really cool to be around and I like the way she looks but I think I'd like to spend time with her on more vanilla terms. This time felt much less like acting porn but still doing femdom things is actually so distracting that it's hard to get aroused. Maybe it will change over time, I don't know. Maybe when I'll go to her for the next time, I'll ask for mix of sex and domination. Don't know yet.

    b) My sexuality is still not compatible with another person being there (and it's not about femdom or vanilla). This lady was looking good and she played domme role almost perfectly. Yet again, there were still arousal problems that I wouldn't have if it was solo session. 24 days without porn is a step in the right direction but being able to have sex (of any kind) seems to be still far away. I should probably limit masturbation as well.

    c) Lots of things that are super arousing during MO or PMO (so in fantasies or porn) are simply much less (if at all) arousing in real life. When masturbating I just sit/lie and watch/fantasize about acts so it's complete relax. During real femdom (or vanilla sex) everything requires my action. It feels weird.

    d) Another thing is, quite common for PIED, that sexuality with only one woman (while in porn it can be 10 women per minute) feels strange as well.

    e) Doing femdom things with a woman (this happened both with her and last one) makes dynamic change, I think that after doing those practices, woman no longer can see the man she dominated as an alpha. I also (even after finishing the play) couldn't look at those dommes as someone equal, I subconsciously felt "below them" in the hierarchy. It's really weird feeling that is hard to explain using words but I'm sure you know what I mean.

    The plan is:
    1) continue no porn (forever),
    2) limit MO,
    3) the next visit to pro (be it vanilla or femdom, haven't decided yet) in 1-2 months.

    Yours,
    niskanen91
     
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2020
  15. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    MO'd twice today (thinking about yesterday).

    Last PMO - Sep 13, 2020
    Last MO to femdom fantasies - Oct 5, 2020
    Last healthy MO - Oct 5, 2020
    Last cig - Aug 11, 2018

    25 days without porn.
     
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2020
  16. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Long MO to femdom. :(

    Last PMO - Sep 13, 2020
    Last MO to femdom fantasies - Oct 10, 2020
    Last healthy MO - Oct 5, 2020
    Last cig - Aug 11, 2018
     
  17. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Relapsed entirely on Oct 10, 2020.

    Giving up on this journal. Maybe will come back in the future. Bye, friends.
     
  18. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Relapse Oct 13, 2020
     
  19. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Gotta survive day 1!
     
  20. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    3 days clean :)
     

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