Was it a one-way trip to hell?

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by niskanen91, Mar 13, 2016.

  1. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Last cig - Aug 11, 2018 (anniversary is coming),
    Last PMO - Jul 31, 2020
    Last MO - Aug 6, 2020
  2. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    relapsed aug 8, 2020
  3. Stay strong, friend! Pick yourself back up and keep trying!
    niskanen91 likes this.
  4. Battlesword1

    Battlesword1 Active Member

    Bring on the cig anniversary!
    Deleted User and niskanen91 like this.
  5. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Day 2 (almost) done.

    Feeling weak, not masculine, feeling like sh*t. Typical feeling after PMO binge :)
  6. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Day 3 w/o porn. Still feeling bad but slowly recovering.

    2 years without smoking cigarettes! :cool::cool::cool:
    TimeToActuallyTry likes this.
  7. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Last cig - Aug 11, 2018
    Last PMO - Aug 8, 2020
    Last MO - Aug 13, 2020

    Quick masturbation, mix of femdom/vanilla fantasies, meh erection quality.

    5 days off porn.
  8. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Last cig - Aug 11, 2018
    Last PMO - Aug 8, 2020
    Last MO - Aug 15, 2020
  9. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    8 days off porn.
    Battlesword1 and UK Don like this.
  10. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Last cig - Aug 11, 2018
    Last PMO - Aug 8, 2020
    Last MO - Aug 19, 2020

    11 days without porn!

    Erection quality was solid.
    Last edited: Aug 19, 2020
  11. Serious props on those dates, man. Especially the cig date. Addiction comes in many forms, and you've already conquered smoking so next up is porn!

    Keep it up!
  12. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    TimeToActuallyTry likes this.
  13. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Last cig - Aug 11, 2018
    Last PMO - Aug 8, 2020
    Last MO - Aug 21, 2020

    13 days w/o porn!
    Good quality of erection.
    Mix of femdom/vanilla fantasies.

    This was too long session (45 minutes or so~).
    UK Don likes this.
  14. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Last cig - Aug 11, 2018
    Last PMO - Aug 8, 2020
    Last MO - Aug 22, 2020

    Another MO.
  15. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Tried femdom in real life. For the first time. With a pro.

    I don't regret doing that, in fact should have done that years ago. I know that the answer "who am I sexually" can't be answered using artificial stimuli (porn, stories etc.) so the only way to find out is to actually go out there and check. I'll write down the details so I can come back to this later.

    First of all, I masturbated for quite a long time yesterday and two days ago so it had to affect arousal today during the session. On top of that, the "domme" was average looking IMO and like 10 years older than me. Next attempts (I plan to do like 1-2 more) will include domme(s) younger than 30 and I will be MO free for at least a week.

    All things that we've done are described below, I highly don't recommend clicking on it if femdom triggers you.

    The meeting involved quite few (light) femdom practices.

    1) Kneeling + licking her boots. In the first phase she ordered me to get on my knees and to lick her boots. The mental arousal lasted for a short time and after that it felt... like a chore. She was calling me "little bitch", mixing humiliation with encouragement "good job, my little bitch", which was good but her "humiliation" didn't really stimulate me. I didn't complain about doing this but got bored a bit. My dick was soft, which she noticed, I said (truthfully) that it's due to the fact that I masturbated a lot lately. In reality, her appearance and my PIED must have played role as well. But she was cool with that (she was strict only in a "sexy" way).

    2) In second phase she put handcuffs on my hands, behind my back, which was arousing but again, less arousing that I thought it would be. It wasn't also frustrating, it was sort of "whatever". With my hands cuffed she ordered me to lick her boots again, which after few moments felt like a chore and due to the fact that I had to kneel very unnaturally to do that, it also caused back pain. Not sexy kind of pain, of course.

    3) After seeing that, she ordered me (while still handcuffed) to lick her big ass (not anus, she had panties on). This sparked arousal for few seconds but after like 3 minutes, neck pain was becoming unbearable and the act that I would consider very sexy has became a painful (in a not so sexy way) chore. My penis was still soft but her ass excited me as a sexual organ. I think that sexual organs were genuinely arousing (but I wasn't very horny today) and the femdom acts felt like playing out femdom porn - I knew what to do but I just wasn't very aroused. I also kind of wished I wasn't in a submissive role so I could touch her ass with my hands, spank her etc.

    4) She unlocked my handcuffs, ordered me to lay on my back and masturbate. I couldn't get hard for a long time. She encouraged me with putting her shoe in my face (quite arousing), putting her used panties on my nose and telling me to sniff (arousing for a few moments, suprisingly one of the most arousing things today), sitting on my face (arousing as long as I could see her ass, when the ass was too close so the visual stimuli was removed, arousal went down) and by seeing her (unfortunately hairy) genitalia. Seeing her pussy and ass was the most arousing thing by far, leading me to think that at the end of the day, I may be aroused by the same things as Average Joe.

    5) When I told her I'm close, she told me that she would pee on me, the moment I come. Her pee on me felt "weird", it wasn't very sexy.

    6) On top of that, during the session, she also spanked me with bare hand and with whip but I would consider it rather light.

    After all of this, I felt energized. I didn't have this "hangover" feeling from porn. I was happy that another person, took part in my sexual life. And I also learnt that I'm so used to solo sex life that allowing other person here feels strange. What also feels "strange" is femdom. What feels exciting when watching on the screen isn't that sexy in real life.

    So what is the plan from now on?

    Due to the fact that I'd never date this woman in vanilla setting, I'll try to book session with younger dommes and while being more horny. If my impressions are similar to this visit, then I will no longer bother with femdom.

    I'm sooooo happy that I took this step. For years, I tried to decide "femdom vs vanilla" dilemma using porn where I sit comfortably and watch others perform (and when I got bored, I switched to another movie). Now, I'm trying this in real life and I can FOR REAL find out if it's my cup of tea. What also became very apparent from this visit, was the fact that I need sexual detox from solo sex. Sexual session with another human being felt so strange that it's actually quite scary.
  16. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Also another MO - Aug 23, 2020
  17. I'm glad that you at least somewhat enjoyed this exploration of your sexuality, man. It sounds like the biggest benefit of that femdom session was having somebody else participate in sexual activities with you. That's an intimacy that porn simply cannot provide.

    I can say from experience that just because you're "into" porn of a certain type, that doesn't necessarily mean that you will really enjoy reenacting those acts in real life. Sometimes it works out that way, but if it doesn't then don't feel too badly. Porn tricks the brain like that and can make you think that you're into things you really aren't.
    niskanen91 likes this.
  18. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Thank you for your message, @TimeToActuallyTry .

    I was, kind of, aware that watching femdom porn would be different than taking part in it but I thought that I'd like it nevertheless. The non-femdom aspect of actually letting woman satisfy make me sexually is important. What I also consider important is the clarification of what I am sexually and what kind of a woman should I be going after. So far, the answer doesn't favor "dominatrix" type but I'd try again with another domme (more pro and better looking) after like 2 weeks of sexual detox.
    TimeToActuallyTry likes this.
  19. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

  20. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Another MO - Aug 25, 2020

Share This Page