I think this is probably spot on man. I actually just read today that a lot of people are not sleeping great during COVID due to various stressors. I'm sure non-PMO is stressing me out too, but surely it's something else as well. This is an interesting conundrum I had not considered. I'm not ready to get back onto the MO bandwagon just yet, but I could see me eventually working it back into a monthly (or whatever) ritual when I can trust myself not to relapse, so that I still get the physical relief without the temptation of relapse. When I was in long term relationships I was able to MO and still hae sex with the partner, so that is what I'd be pushing to get back to, as that was my "normal"
Looks like you are suffering from OCD. I quitted smoking , cannabis, PMO etc. I used to note date and time of everything like the way you are doing. It was a constant battle. I would relapse and reset the timer and edit the note and everything. I would count days and doubt if I really put down the date correctly , if I really did not Fap yesterday, I will check my memories, go back in past to make sure I didn't Fap and the date I have set as my last Fap is accurate. I was not aware of the fact that I was suffering from OCD. I thought I was just being careful about my recovery. I was wrong , I was manipulating myself to give myself a false sense of purpose. Then , one day I discovered the knowledge about brain and the way it rewires itself based on our thoughts and actions. I asked myself ,"why am I being so obsessive about my quit date?" "Am I really accomplishing anything by constantly reminding myself of when I quitted smoking and stuff"? Hey, I'm not sure if you are really suffering from OCD. But I would suggest you to try to remind yourself of things that you need to do to improve your life. Once you quit something successfully you should really forget about it and don't mention it untill you really need to . This way your brain will have less stress and you will feel easier to deal with other problems.
Hey @Uncertain , I think that to an extent you're right and I definitely have OCD symptoms With that being said, the purpose is different for every date. Smoking is meaningless now but pasting it here gives me the sense of accomplishment. Even if I relapse to porn, there are almost 2 years without cigarette! For porn, the reason is that in the beginning milestones like one month, two months etc. are very motivating. For MOs the reason is simply measuring, how the frequency and amount of MOs affects my erections and libido. Last cig - Aug 11, 2018 Last porn - Mar 17, 2020 Last MO - May 6, 2020 Felt very horny, one MO today, erection quality was great!
1x MO - May 9, 2020 After yesterday's session I had a very good sleep but still felt somewhat horny so decided to fap once again. Probably will feel no libido for next few days (but no tension as well), which is fine. Erection quality was worse than yesterday. This has happened already but I've noticed that it's impossible for me to fantasize about real life women in a "femdom way". Don't want to trigger anybody but during the MO session my fantasies were HEAVILY male dominant (without hurting girls though).
Yet another wank. 1x MO - May 15, 2020 Erection weaker than previously (too many MO sessions recently) but on the other hand, it's harder and harder to fantasize about femdom. More realistic scenarios (me in dominant positions, however without violence).
It looks like you are doing a good job of keeping the porn usage completely out of the way. Keep up the good work !
1x MO - Jun 04,2020 Still no porn but browsed imagefree (due to my browser add-on) version of FetLife and read some arousing writings. It's not visual but gotta stop that as well.
