I was thinking long and hard about reasons why I relapsed in the recent year or two. Here are the most common ways my addiction tricks me and what I plan to do differently from this point on: 1) USAGE OF FETLIFE My brain: Fetlife is a social site, come on you'll find kinky people and possibly a domme gf. It's not porn! Reality: While fetlife may be a social site indeed, it is loaded with lots of porn material uploaded by users. A lot of my relapses started on FetLife and it definitely is artificial stimuli. Actually, one week before I binged I started browsing FetLife profiles of dommes and then masturbated 3 times. Should have counted it as a relapse. Not to mention, my body was shaking while browsing FetLife. The excuse is always the same, innocent one "I'll just look for events". Solution: FetLife is an artificial erotic material and should count as porn. And when I want to use it to go to event, it can only happen no earlier than Thursday and in the text-only mode using browser add-on. Only browsing an event is allowed (seeing who's going there as well but not clicking on profiles). 2) BUYING SEXUAL THINGS My brain: buying chastity may be helpful in finding domme later etc. Reality: My lizard brain uses this staff to indirectly lead me to porn (btw. today's relapse was preceded by buying condoms). I think investment psychology works here, if I paid X$ for something to enhance my masturbation, may as well use porn. I've bought like 4 chastity belts so far. Solution: No sex toys until I find woman to use them with. Or even buying sex toys only after communication with her. Not buying this solo. 3) RECENT PORN USAGE It's easier to stay off porn when it's week 5 or 6. First weekend after giving up porn is extremely hard. The solution to this is simple, just make sure that the first weekend happens only once in the rest of my life 4) AM I INTO FEMDOM OR VANILLA IN REAL LIFE? Um, the hardest one. It's very confusing because not knowing the truth drives me crazy. I often even look at women in real life and think if I want femdom with them or just get closer in vanilla way? When women do mean things to me in real life, it doesn't excite me. But is it because of my PIED? It's very hard to answer it logically because this topic was mentioned few times by rebooting people and the opinions are mixed. Some of them tried femdom in real life and it was arousing, while others tried it and didn't like it. Taking part in those things is different than watching porn containing this or fantasizing. During my recent streak, my tastes were changing (towards vanilla role or getting aroused by female sadist but not being her submissive in those fantasies but rather dominating her). This adds to confusion as I don't know what I'm into naturally. Solution: It's impossible to find out solo (without woman involved). The only real way is to reboot from porn/artificial stimuli and then it will become clear. Will I prefer fetish or vanilla party after 365 days? With clear mind, the answer to this question should make things clear as well. But what if it's not as black and white? What if I'll never know? Either way, there's no way I can find it out while using porn/fantasies. Because then the femdom nor sex aren't actually happening.