Was it a one-way trip to hell?

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by niskanen91, Mar 13, 2016.

  1. Pete McVries

    Pete McVries Well-Known Member

    Congrats on being nicotone free for more than a year!
    niskanen91 likes this.
  2. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

  3. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Watched some hot pics on social site (not masturbating though) but still counts as a relapse in my book

    Last porn - Aug 18, 2019
    Last edited: Aug 19, 2019
  4. Ereignis

    Ereignis Active Member

    People seem to argue about whether long periods without PMO are what matter, or if just PMO'ing a minimal amount of times overall is what matters. This is where the day counter vs. spreadsheet debate comes in. What I've discovered is that they're both important for slightly different things. Long streaks are important for letting go of the pornography-induced sexual habits/interests/fetishes. Just viewing a bit of pornography of a certain type without PMO'ing is enough to reignite a fetish that hasn't been acted upon for a while. Minimal overall PMO is more important for restoring healthy sexual function and (to a lesser degree) just building good overall life habits.
  5. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Very well put. Couldn't agree more. That's why I feel sexually a lot healthier than I was when I originally left family home in 2014.

    Relapsed without porn. I have very stressful time in my life because of job change. MO relieved the tension so I think that it would be reasonable to MO without porn.

    Last porn - Aug 18, 2019
    Last MO - Aug 23, 2019
    Last edited: Aug 23, 2019
    Ereignis likes this.
  6. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Huge porn cravings after MO.
  7. Ereignis

    Ereignis Active Member

    That's why I don't MO. I've found that if I ever have a "partial relapse," like MO instead of PMO or PMO to milder stimuli than I usually go for, I will go back to the standard PMO not long after.
  8. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Yeah, I understand that, I think it happens with all addictions, addicted brain tries to negotiate at least a dose of it's drug and using small steps it gets full blown binge soon. Happened to me a lot.

    But what's even worse about MO in my case is that masturbating to fantasies seems to have similar effect on me as porn. It's probably because I can imagine some crazy BDSM scenarios (while porn is limited in this regard).
  9. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Last porn - Aug, 28 2019
  10. Ereignis

    Ereignis Active Member

    I typed a response and then deleted it after my cursor hovered over "Post Reply" for a few seconds. I am pretty sure that whatever basic advice I could give you is something you've already read. I've wasted too many years not conquering this PMO addiction and it is painful to see other people in a similar situation.
    niskanen91 likes this.
  11. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Last porn - Aug 30, 2019

    @Ereignis You're absolutely right. The saddest thing is that I know it already, yet keep relapsing. And should have kept those long streaks that I've had. Can't control the past, I guess.

    During those years I've learnt so many things but the last thing that causes doubt is the whole "femdom vs. vanilla" debate because it's not clear what I want in RL and distinction needs to be made as in my experience mixing femdom and vanilla makes vanilla girls losing interest (that's understandable, they want dominant man). There's a BDSM community in my city, maybe I should try to find a woman there but then again, it doesn't seem to be what I'm looking for (real-life dommes seem to be different than those in porn, what a shock, haha). Also, taking part in BDSM community would require me to use FetLife which basically qualifies as porn (or at least artificial sexual stimuli).

    I don't know... Like, I don't think that giving up porn is hard (I've done it in the past), what's hard is that doubt that I really don't know what I am sexually. Based on the past longer streaks, after some time without any kind of porn or masturbation, vanilla starts to be arousing. But so does femdom. There's also that fear that I may be losing my prime years over something that may turn out to be the wrong answer and if there's one thing that I've learnt already is that I can't mix femdom and vanilla. And also can't continue my porn/fantasy use as it makes real life (whether it's femdom or vanilla) not exciting at all.

    EDIT: based on replies in this thread, started by me few who years ago, I think I should just stay away from porn and accepts whatever happens

    Last edited: Aug 30, 2019
  12. Ereignis

    Ereignis Active Member

    To clarify what you've said, do you mean to say that you don't get erections any time when that femdom fetish is not being directly depicted/referenced? If that's the case, it definitely seems like a case of P-induced desensitization. (To illustrate the point, I could get aroused looking at an image of an attractive woman. Of course there are things to my own preference that I'd like to do to her, but I don't have to think of them directly in order to feel that arousal.)

    If, on the other hand, you can get aroused by these minor and varied stimuli, but you simply prefer to engage in the sex act in a femdom manner, that is what I would consider a normal [not PMO-induced] fetish.
  13. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    If I'm not on the streak (no fantasy/no porn), I don't get any erections unless it's fantasy or porn. When I'm on the streak both femdom and vanilla can cause erections.

    I think that when I cure my PIED, the bolded will be the case.
  14. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Today, after finishing 2nd session of psychotherapy, I went to throw away trash. On the way there, there was an attractive woman bending over in a sexy way to take something from the car.

    It reminded me that in RL I just want vanilla women.
  15. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Another random thought: porn use increases my anxiety a lot.
  16. Ereignis

    Ereignis Active Member

    Well then at least you know what you have to do. As with a lot of these cases, the only definitive answer is "avoid P as much as possible and things will improve." It sounds to me like your natural sexuality is submissive in general but this has become an obsession because of porn.
    niskanen91 likes this.
  17. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Ereignis, I think you're right again.

    From now on going to focus on building positive momentum, here's the starterpack that applies to my life very well.

    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.
  18. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Last porn - Aug 30, 2019.

    The meme posted above (along with psychotherapy) seems to help a lot. After walking like 12 km yesterday, I feel quite good.
  19. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    Nice Meme, thanks for sharing. I had to save that picture. Good visual reminder.
    niskanen91 and Ereignis like this.
  20. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Today is day 5. I'm feeling a little better, however I still realize that there's a long way ahead of me.

    The key is staying away from things from the meme pasted above (except occasional Pepsi or Coke) and going on with psychotherapy. I'm not sold on my therapist yet (I think she should focus on stomach problems more) but the therapy is very helpful nonetheless.

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