Was it a one-way trip to hell?

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by niskanen91, Mar 13, 2016.

  1. Naruto558

    Naruto558 Member

    Perhaps you think you wanna get better but you really don’t ? Maybe you feel if you get better then you will have to face your intamcy issues with women and your not ready for that? I mean once you kick this addiction your life will change drastically, are you sure your not hiding from that change?
     
  2. Naruto558

    Naruto558 Member

    Im saying this because I know how low my self esteem is in regards to women and other life areas. I’ve just realized that fapping my insecurities away using femdom is horrible because it creates a cycle of addiction.
     
  3. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Naruto, I don't know what I want anymore tbh.

    Last PMO - Feb 24 '19
    Last cig - Aug 11 '18
     
  4. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Last PMO - Feb 27 '19
    Last cig - Aug 11 '18
     
  5. Naruto558

    Naruto558 Member

    Stop. Are you fucking out of your mind? If someone told you that if you fapped you would die, what would you do? I’ll tell you what you would do, you wouldn’t fap at all. At that point the cost of fapping would out weigh the pleasure of it. At this point for you the pleasure of that 5 second orgasm is greater than your life.
     
  6. Naruto558

    Naruto558 Member

    In other words you don’t care about getting your sexual life and health back. You don’t care that your compromising that for a fucking measly orgasm
     
  7. Naruto558

    Naruto558 Member

    It’s all about priorities bro. Man the fuck up. Who gives a fuck if your horny. You gotta take your own life back it will not be given to you. You gotta motherfucking wrestle it back with all your strength.
     
  8. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Last PMO - Feb 27 '19
    Last cig - Aug 11 '18

    Need to survive the weekend :)
     
    Brit_91_kd likes this.
  9. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Last PMO - Feb 27 '19
    Last cig - Aug 11 '18

    Almost one month, the fact that February had only 28 days helped a lot :p
     
    Brit_91_kd likes this.
  10. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Last PMO - Feb 27 '19
    Last cig - Aug 11 '18

    Today is the day 45 (according to the internet calculator, nowadays trust them more than my math skills).

    I think that due to the degree I was f...ed up 90 days reboot is not nearly enough (I think I may be back to healthy after 6-12 months of No Fap at the earliest). With that being said, the progress is quite obvious and it shows in different areas of my life including feeling attraction towards the real women (in a healthy, "aggressive" sexual manner), feeling more masculine, feeling more motivated to do things etc.
     
    Brit_91_kd likes this.
  11. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    After more than 2 months of no-PMO something strange has happened, my sleep routine got entirely messed up.

    I wake up at 5 AM almost every night which means that on average I sleep like 4-5 hours and I'm exhausted all the time (tried to do sports but couldn't run due to the exhaustion). After I wake up, I can't get back to sleep. In the last week or so, I'm a complete zombie and it makes me wonder if I should masturbate (without porn ofc) once per 2 months to avoid this?
     
  12. Pete McVries

    Pete McVries Active Member

    Interestingly, the same thing happened to me. But contrary to you, I felt refreshed after the short sleep. Also noteworthy: My sleep went back to normal after 1-1,5 months.
     
    niskanen91 likes this.
  13. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    relapsed

    last cig Aug 11 2018
    last porn May 14 2019

    new rule is that MO is now allowed once in 30-45 days. porn forbidden under any circumstances.

    healthy MO rules:
    - no porn fantasies,
    - thinking about real life women only,
    - under shower,
    - no toys.
     
    Last edited: May 15, 2019
  14. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    another relapse

    last cig Aug 11 2018
    last porn May 16 2019
     
  15. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    another relapse

    last cig Aug 11 2018
    last porn May 18 2019
     
  16. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    masturbated (to orgasm) without porn
     
  17. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Also, one more thing. During all this reboot, I considered relapse only after orgasm happened, however this doesn't seem to heal the dick. Since restricting fapping, I've learnt to feel the sexual pleasure from touching my nipples. Lying on bed fantasizing and playing with my nipples could be considered edging. so from now on I'll count few things and here they are, from most important to least important.

    1) cigarettes - doesn't need an explanation. it's been 9.5 months btw.

    2) porn - doesn't need explanation either. i think that during this reboot i've focused way too much on orgasms and fallen into "if i'm masturbating might as well 'improve' it and use porn" trap. not anymore, i realize that this is the ultimate relapse in terms of healing my sexuality. today i masturbated and I haven't got this feeling of being completely satisfied (and having this brain fog). it's like my brain tells me: "you want more, masturbation in the shower isn't enough, you want either porn or real girls". after PMO session there was zero arousal towards real girls.

    3) edging (dick) - even if I didn't use porn, a lot of my masturbation sessions involved me playing for hours with my dick while playing (usually femdom) fantasies in my head. and even though those fantasies involved real girls, they were arousing in my head but there was zero arousal when talking to them in real life after that. i think that while it's not as unhealthy as porn, it played its part in PIED. edging is also worse than masturbation since it can last for hours, while masturbation usually lasts less than 30 mins (especially now that porn is forbidden). and while edging, unlike masturbating to orgasm, doesn't decrease horniness and in fact increases it, it pushes the balance of what's arousing towards the fantasy and away from real girls.

    4) edging (nipples) - same as above. less stimulating than touching my dick but lying on my bed, imagining fantasies and playing with my nipples doesn't seem to accelerate the reboot.

    5) healthy MO - explained few posts earlier. it's the least item on the list but as long as there's no insomnia etc. I will try to keep it as rare as possible since the general consensus seems to be that it increases the time needed to fully recover.

    To sum it up, I think that having 5 categories of "sins" will help me more than just seeing it in a black and white colors because it usually led to "well, if it's relapse, I might as well binge on hardcore femdom porn" and I think that while slower, I'm still recovering with relapse here and there, what matters is that those relapses are rare and don't involve countless hours of watching femdom porn and orgasms.

    So:
    last cig - Aug 11, 2018
    last porn - May 18, 2019
    last edging (dick) - May 24, 2019
    last edging (nipples) - May 24, 2019
    last healthy MO - May 24, 2019
     
  18. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Hangover led to massive relapse.

    last cig - Aug 11, 2018
    last porn - May 25, 2019
    last edging (dick) - May 25, 2019
    last edging (nipples) - May 25, 2019
    last (un)healthy MO - May 25, 2019
     
  19. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    last cig - Aug 11, 2018
    last porn - May 29, 2019
    last edging (dick) - May 29, 2019
    last edging (nipples) - May 29, 2019
    last (un)healthy MO - May 29, 2019

    btw. no PMO wasn't the reason for waking up too early as it remains even after giving up PMO. the likely reasons are either too much fluids in the evening and/or anxiety
     
    Last edited: May 29, 2019
  20. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    a little edge (without porn though)

    last cig - Aug 11, 2018
    last porn - May 29, 2019
    last edging (dick) - Jun 5, 2019
    last edging (dick) - Jun 5, 2019
    last (un)healthy MO - May 29, 2019
     

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