Was in denial - need to kick this

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by GlassOfWhiskey, Dec 24, 2017.

  1. GlassOfWhiskey

    GlassOfWhiskey New Member

    Hi, first time poster. Spending Xmas on my own this year after my girlfriend of 14 years said she was leaving me. Was shock to the system as I thought we were happy. The reason she gave was we weren't having sex and she didn't feel I desired her. I know the reason for that is because I was using PMO to get off and had no libido. Stupidly I thought we could get by with loving each other in other ways and thought she'd let me know if there was a problem. I guess I also struggled with my partner feeling too familiar because I see her every day... when PMO offers novelty all the time.
    I realise now I was in denial. I can't blame my partner for leaving me but now I am wide awake to the problem and trying the reboot I want to be free of this and a loving partner again. Never felt so depressed and suicidal. Can't face anyone at the moment. So ashamed. Ended up buying a book 'Reasons to Stay Alive' because I'm so worried about what I might do during the Xmas holidays now my partner are finally apart and breakup/moving out looks imminent. Is there any advice you can give? Does it get better with time?
  2. GreyHeron

    GreyHeron Active Member

    Hi Whisky, I do hope that you get some comfort on Christmas Day and in the days to come.
    Few people will say relief comes either swiftly or easily. The usual advice is to read the Your Brain on Porn website, lurk here posting as appropriate, don't use P and your penis is there for micturition only at the moment. Over time other advice will come to you. There are several journals on this board that should help you to see there are many reasons to be alive, at times on the journey you may find yourself turning to them to get through the next hours, days or weeks.
    Once again may I wish happiness for you, especially at this time of the year.
    GlassOfWhiskey likes this.
  3. 57yrold

    57yrold Member

    So, so sorry to hear this man.

    The only advice I can give is to educate yourself as much as you can on porn addiction, PMO, re-booting, flatline, etc.

    Start with yourbrainonporn.com and rebootnation.org and watch the videos. Also, read the success stories!

    Hang in there. This is not easy at all, but you can do it!
    GlassOfWhiskey likes this.
  4. Welcome GlassofWhiskey!

    I'm sorry to meet you under these circumstances.

    The advice already given is quite sound. The more I've read and educated myself, the more resilient I've become. The addiction twists our brain. We have to get our brains involved in fighting it or otherwise the "I'm going to stop!" declarations are just emotions.

    Fixing it isn't a light switch. It isn't on one day and then off the next. But if you pay attention you'll see small signs of progress from the start.

    I've lost a woman I loved in part to the effects of the addiction. Breaking up has the same effects as beating an addiction. Take great care of yourself because your body is a sea of chemicals at the moment. One hour at a time, one four hour block at a time, one day at a time ... you'll get to where you want to be.

    Good luck! Read, read, read! And post. Lean on us.

    GlassOfWhiskey and 57yrold like this.

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