Want to go 100% on the no Arousal method, who's with me?

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Anewlife, Dec 20, 2016.

  1. Anewlife

    Anewlife Member

    I am sick of the feeling t hat i HAVE to look at every female i see without even talking to them or making any moves what soever.

    Also i am sick of the feeling that a girl doesnt look back at me so i assume that she "doesnt want me" and that messes with my self esteem a lot. I know it doesnt always have to do with me but she could already have a boyfriend/isnt looking for anything ....

    I want to try and go 100% without checking out all the girls i see and see if this makes a diffrence in feelings of well being / libido / self esteem .

    Anyone tried this before? what were the results?

    My biggest trigger is when i am at the gym, so many triggers to look at it is super hard for me not to look.

    Any insight is welcome

    all the best

    anewlife
     
  2. Wabi-sabi

    Wabi-sabi Imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete

    No Arousal is the way to break porn addiction.

    That doesn't mean you have to sign up to be a monk for the rest of your life. There will be a time for checking out skirt - once your brain is no longer messed up by porn thinking. You gotta get cured first, and NA is the way to go.

    I went NA when I realized that ogling women and fantasising about them later was just bringing me down. (I'm sure everyone will recognize that moment when you start to feel like a failure because hot women haven't been fighting over you like in your daydreams.)

    Sexual fantasy reinforces the porn pathways in your brain and it brings you down, which is how it leads you to relapse. I also find it's a relief to walk past a woman on the street and not have to think about her body. It's like getting control of my brain back.

    Others will disagree and say anything 3D is allowed - YMMV and all that - but NA is something everyone should try for at least a while.
     
  3. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    I believe the problem isn't checking out girls per se, but the manner in which you do it and your mental reaction to it.

    Acknowledge their beauty for 2-3 seconds and then continue doing what you're doing. There's nothing wrong with that.

    The problem begins when you stare at them, follow them around to check their body parts, switch to another machine so you can have a "better view", keep checking them out over and over again, while at the same time feeling frustrated that you're not talking to them and you won't have sex with them, etc.

    Looking away or to the ground will not fix these inner conflicts and frustrations.

    A better solution is to be mindful of your thoughts and feelings whenever you come across these women. Breathe. Notice all these thoughts arising in your head and let them pass. Do not feed them by becoming frustrated and being hard on yourself. Notice the urge to check their body parts. Just ignore it and quickly switch to whatever you are doing at the moment.

    Definitely reduce the amount of times you "have" to look at girls. Feel the urge to turn around to check her out and simply ignore it. Breathe and smile. Let it pass.

    If you go full "no arousal" chances are you will become very frustrated and find that it's almost impossible to never look at girls. Then you'll give up and go back to checking girls ALL the time.
     
  4. Wabi-sabi

    Wabi-sabi Imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete

    Good point. For me, No Arousal means I can regard women as slim, beautiful, etc - but I do not mentally undress them, nor fantasize about them in any sexual way.

    Another pointer, to add to the suggestions above, is that when you see a beautiful woman to ask yourself where she's from and where she's going. You start to create a narrative and see her as a person, which helps interrupt sexual thoughts.
     
  5. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    Yes, I completely agree.

    The original "No Arousal Method" involved looking to the ground and just completely avoiding seeing girls on the street. I always thought that was a bit too extreme and unrealistic. Probably harmful as well.
     
  6. Anewlife

    Anewlife Member

    Why could this be harmfull? I dont want to do this all my life but at least for a while.

    This is excactly how i feel. I am doubting myself if i am attrative enough or that i am doing something "wrong" because i know that i am not that bad looking so i go on and on in my head why do these girls look at me in the way i look at them....

    This is messing really bad with my self esteem

    This could be me... today the first day that i am going to stick to this method because i am really sick of it....

    any tips from you guys?

    i think when i am past the 2-3 week mark things will become easyier for me. (or harder because its kind of a buildup in your system i dont know)

    also going to stop smoking so it will be a hard time coming ...

    all the best

    anewlife
     
  7. Wabi-sabi

    Wabi-sabi Imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete

    I think there are different approaches for different points of your reboot.

    Within the first couple of weeks when you are still thinking porn all the time, it might be best to just look away. (This might not work for some; it could be a trigger people with a shame reflex about porn.) After that, I recommend building mental habits based around regarding an attractive woman as a person rather than a collection of body parts.

    You'll have to figure out what works best for you through your own experience, but as I wrote above, it helps to ask questions to yourself about who she is, where she's going, what her life's like. Or you could ask yourself if your mom would have looked like that at that age (which should kill any lust).

    YMMV, but to me, seeing hot chicks in the street is a minor part of NA. The major element is to avoid fantasy involving sex and nudity.
     
  8. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    I'm doing NoA too :)

    For me, that means don't watch/fantasise if that doesn't lead to action (watching porn or masturbating aren't "actions" in the sense I use it in that sentence). I also make the distinction between looking at women's parts as you'd look at a painting and staring/fantasising.

    However, for some people, looking for 2-3 seconds will inevitably lead to fantasy, at least in the beginning. One has to find out for himself.
     

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