Want to be Clever And Smarter Again!!(58 Days Streak Ended :(

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by weir, Sep 14, 2014.

  1. weir

    weir Member

    Re: Want to be Clever And Smarter Again!!

    20 Days Completed

    Good day but I am lacking in Sleep, Mind Is stable but still urging towards BAD THINGS P
     
  2. pushthru

    pushthru New Member

    Re: Want to be Clever And Smarter Again!!

    Hey man, sleep loss has always been a trigger for me. Also try to remember that every time you beat an urge you make progress towards becoming the man you want to be. Stay positive and keep fighting!
     
  3. weir

    weir Member

    Re: Want to be Clever And Smarter Again!!

    3 Weeks Completed!
    21 Days Completed!

    Without Any Porn And Without Any Masturbation!

    Achieved This Goal Finally, In My last 11 Years This is Happening Once That I havent Done P and M..

    Feeling Energetic
    Feeling More Positive
    Improvement In Anxiety (but still some is left)
    Lack of Sleep
    Brain is Calm
    Sometimes getting Angry too

    Tomorrow is Day 22 and 23 and so on so on to My Final Goal 365 Days and so on so on to end of my life

    Today I have committed I will never watch P and M after achieving my goal 365 days..
     
  4. weir

    weir Member

    Re: Want to be Clever And Smarter Again!!

    Thanks Man, I really appreciate your positive comments towards, I don't know why I am not getting sleep, but I know after few days I can achieve that too!
     
  5. weir

    weir Member

    Re: Want to be Clever And Smarter Again!!

    Suffering from Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction and also penis sensitive skin, Back 21 days ago during masturbation, I can hardly stay up to 2 or 3 seconds and then Bang ejaculation happened within seconds
    That's my main problem, I will from Today itself try to get more sleep on night time.
    My diet is very disturbing one, I also needs to fix this issue.
    Thanks for support kind words I will give my 1000% for reboot process, As you can see I have set goals for 365 days, If my creator allowed me I will be active up to 365 days, When I achieve that I know I can get lifetime freedom from softcore hardcore any type of porn material, I committed my self up to 365 days without porn and masturbation, If I will able to achieve that goal then definitely I will leave it indefenetly, I am trying to find new discoveries of life instead of watching on PC or probably pixels and fapping, I nearly wasted 11 years of my life and I do not want wasted any further..
    Again Thanks for support
     
  6. my.last.attempt

    my.last.attempt Dream the impossible dream!

    Re: Want to be Clever And Smarter Again!!

    You are doing a awesome job @weir, keep doing your best !
     
  7. weir

    weir Member

    Re: Want to be Clever And Smarter Again!!

    Thanks For encouragement, We will win this fight!

    Day 22.

    Today In morning when I was sleeping I had nightfall, This is My 1st Nightfall since last 10 to years almost, I have never experienced Night Fall,
    I slept late at night and also I felt lots of heat in my body, don't know whats the reason of night fall its because I slept or just I didn't done anything from last 22 days, I hope its good sign.
    When I woke up my Underwear full of Wet and also my blanket and bed sheet.

    Any Suggesting?
     
  8. weir

    weir Member

    Re: Want to be Clever And Smarter Again!!

    Day 25

    As things going easy for rebooting but also I am seeing many emotional changes happening just like I cried a lot lots of negativity in brain, but also tried to make the situation positive, My career is destroyed by porn, I am jobless, just I realized this today, I have to struggle for money from my parents, they also very kind with me but as my image grows in front of them specially in last 11 years from teenagers to club 24 I just cant do anything but watch porn, Porn destroyed me very bad that I don't know from where I have to start? My Friends got away from me, I have become like psycho and more horny, I just be horny in my room alone but in public I am just dumb asshole, Anxiety, depression, stress and many things, I also even don't know how to talk properly, I even don't know how to make positive conversion, I just Pissed of very Early, I have become rude with everyone, Everyone hates me, But i am glad that at least I am realizing this right now, I am totally out of my mind, Brain fog on my brain is completely shadowed my personality, Yes I was addicted to porn very bad that you can realize I wrote few days before in my journal about how bad I fucked up in my life, but I never write about it because whenever I tried to write something I just forget, I just don't know what to write, how to behave, If i want to become funny person each time everyone thinks its not cool, just like I am psycho or still my brain is childish, BUt i just realizing wait...what if they were/are right about my personality, my growth has stopped because of porn addiction..is it true? is it?
    I am even not looking at my pc while i am writing this but just typing fastly whats come to my mind,but one thing I agree...And I say..
    I was living in wonderland
    I was living in wonderland
    I was living in wonderland
    I just imagine about my success but never achieve one, I have become lazy..very very very lazy

    but now i have decided i will stop watching movies to control my fantasy about being someone which is actually I am not
    I have decided to stop watching TV shows because I just don't want to see other peoples success or failure..I want to work on mine
    I have decided I will stop listening music because It feeds me for my imagination just like fuel in car
    an finally I have decided to read write about self help books and also watching positive thinking videos audios and PDFs..
    I will try to change myself I know I can...help me support me through your thoughts support..It will motivate me to achieve my success
    Thanks for reading and forgive me about my grammer
     
  9. Kidicarus7

    Kidicarus7 Guest

    Re: Want to be Clever And Smarter Again!!

    Hey bro imagination is a beautiful thing man. It is what inspires us and gives us hope to keep pushing through the dark tunnel even though we haven't seen the light as yet. It is a good thing bro. Ii get told sometimes that I'm an ass when I make a simple joke and sometimes their right and sometimes they are just negative and very insecure people who can't take a joke. There are people out there that share your humor, go find them. Chances are they already are in your life, you just need to let them in bro. Good luck man your doing great, remember that ok.
     
  10. weir

    weir Member

    Re: Want to be Clever And Smarter Again!!

    I know bro but half of my life I just imagining my self instead of doing something I just imagine myself with other person from movies tv shows or anyone and consider myself as successful one but in reality I am not that person, I have gone far away from reality but When I become sad or someone show me mirror in anyway I was coming to porn hours and hours daily and start fapping, That thing gives me relief and help me to stay in wonderland, I have forgotten reality, failure failure failure revolves around me and I was seeing all of that but still was living life because of fantasy and medicine from Porn..just goes to big full length movies and start watching, never paid anything to porn but still I regret watching that **** premium stuff for free, I was addicted and has done many research where will I got it for free, I was even starting to like puke scat shit, sorry i don't want to offended anyone but people see how piece of shit I have become in my 11 years, Today I cant even want to see my face in mirror, I regret everything I have done in past but never ever touch anyone, instead of touching I just fapping imagining my success and again fapping...same routine daily daily, I never realized how much world has changed thereafter, I have seen all but in really I was just become deaf and blind, I have ears and eyes but still...

    That is only reason I regret imagining myself as an heroic or as an someone else, In my MIND..Only in my MIND.
    Yeah You are right I need to find some others company
    Hey bro thanks for your kind words and also you are doing great too..

    I know we can break this thing and we will become great MAN once again
     
  11. fightback20

    fightback20 New Member

    Re: Want to be Clever And Smarter Again!!

    You're not going to be a superhero. Hell no. But I know exactly what you're going through.

    I listen to a lot of music. I sit down, listen to it, and imagine I'm the front man, or the dude doing that fucking awesome guitar riff or solo. Then, when the song ends, I'm sat there thinking 'fuck, I can't play that'.

    But you know what? I fucking can. I can get my guitar out instead of sitting at the computer all day during my rest from running and university and learn to play. But I don't. So I keep myself in dreamland because my brain doesn't want to put the EFFORT to do so.

    It's like being a hero. Hell, you may not be going around gunning down alien scum with biceps as big as your head as you save the hot damsel in distress, but you can do things within your means. Just smile at people, chat to the checkout guy at the supermarket, talk to a fellow workmate/classmate, and make them feel better.

    Go and volunteer to help people or to be part of a community project. In this way, you'll be a hero to someone who will appreciate your help and kindness. Build yourself up within your means, then break out of the chains and limits you've put on yourself. It's only YOU who can get yourself up :)
     
  12. weir

    weir Member

    Re: Want to be Clever And Smarter Again!!

    Thanks for your inputs, You dont know how important your reply is for me, great small things you mentions Today I did that and feel great.

    Day 26

    Today I got good sleep at afternoon time but no sleep at night, I think I have to strictly avoid my bad habits like watching TV upto late night or watching TV shows on my PC, I am thinking to start counter tracker for my sleeping and breaking my habit about watching TV shows and also counter about my work, Daily at least 7 to 8 hours, I really have to make counter tracker just I successfully passed my 26 days without porn, This counter really helping to build my life in positive way.

    Porn kills, It Really Kills You and Your Life
     
  13. weir

    weir Member

    Re: Want to be Clever And Smarter Again!!

    Day 27

    Life Without Porn, More than of decade analyzing I have realized that If I hadnt watched porn then Maybe I will somewhere else doing something great with my life, I already spoiled it and spoiled it very bad.

    I am doing it hard way No YouTube videos. No FB, No twitter,also no literature about it, I am doing it and I know. I gotta life and wasted it too much so I am leaving all this behind and will do something else.
    I am not thinking about sex, and I know I will not think about it any in future, I am getting married in few days, and in that I also will not think about sex but I will do it, I will do it in soft way, I will not recall memory from my past decade pixels porn and his sound, I wont do it.

    Because of Porn I lack in motivation, depression and anxiety, inability in concentrate anything even small things day to day in life.
    When I was watching Porn I goes from pictures to more extreme type of porn the category to name I am ashamed of myself, Its disgusting disgusting, When I was watching I just want more more more extreme.

    I know that by having addiction to porn for a long time I just fucked up my reward circuitry, because of that all my emotions my mood my urges memory affect by it very badly even my libido and erection hurt ed very badly.

    I also had phone sex where I play cuckold fantasy, where I played cuckold husband role (though still I am unmarried) That time I also realized after playing major role plays on phone after watching cuck videos, after year or so that fantasy also got numbed, yep I am getting numbed pleasure in that fantasy also which is so hardcore and taboo in society, but nonetheless after that Every Addiction of fantasy of course hardcore I was getting numbed pleasure every so often, so I thought what is the end of it, where am i going?

    I cannot control what to say, and if someone gives me some decision to make I failed flat like A loser, and I complain a lots, no one respect no one praise me blah blah but when if they gave me some authority or work to do, I just failed a part.

    I just lost sense, sense of anything, sex, social, good or bad thing and most important sense of time, I always say I will do something for me but not today but tomorrow,
    tomorrow
    tomorrow
    tomorrow
    tomorrow
    tomorrow
    aaahhhhh, Every good things when came to my mind I just skipped it by saying tomorrow I will do that....but that tomorrow never comes.

    But From now I have decided to give time out to my brain from complete hardcore rebooting boycotting all the pleasure bale things in life which leads to porn and woman(except wife), I just want to reset my brain to its factory setting by removing all artificial stimulation from my life. after marriage I will tell my wife all this things ( i don't care about circumstance) I know her and I understand She Will help me, So I will and I can control orgasm after real thing (marriage), but i will do sensual contact without any porn fantasy.

    As you know I am suffering from Porn Induced erectile dysfunction. In past Whenever I jumped on on p website I just want to find my fantasy related videos, I searched it and searched lot every time I opened more than 100 tabs on my browser, my mind got frenzy, At that time i feel my self as more horny person ( I just don't know its because of porn) but as 27 days completed now I am feeling less horny feeling like impotence sometime and also my libido decrease a lot. I just don't feel like I have to masturbate no not a single time I think about masturbate, that's way I conclude I mostly urge to masturbate when I watch porn but If I stop porn there is no urge to masturbate.

    As per dopamine replacement I will start regular exercise, will socialize with family, Pray for creator a lot.

    Another One thing I need to avoid is mindless surfing on internet.

    After Marriage I will avoid all type of fantasy while doing real thing, I am repeating here because I have to remember it.

    I recently Discovered My family often told me, why you like all the time being alone on home, I just ignore that question but today I found that it is also symptom of porn and Porn is evil

    Last Note:- What I wrote above is mix feeling of my emotions on day 27.
     
  14. my.last.attempt

    my.last.attempt Dream the impossible dream!

    Re: Want to be Clever And Smarter Again!!

    That's awesome @weir, keep your good work going, I'm pretty much sure you can achieve all your goals, just commit to it and do your best.
     
  15. weir

    weir Member

    Re: Want to be Clever And Smarter Again!!

    Thanks For Support @Unwise, You are also doing great man, Tomorrow is your 7 days next award is coming for you :)
     
  16. weir

    weir Member

    Re: Want to be Clever And Smarter Again!!

    Day 28

    All is well but I got problem of sleeping, I am not sleeping well, this thing is worrying me but I will try my best to solve this problem
     
  17. weir

    weir Member

    Re: Want to be Clever And Smarter Again!!

    Day 30

    Seriously!!! I don't even know that when I was starting rebooting process that I can accomplish 30 days goal, From my 12 months journey I have achieved 1 month without any porn activity and yes No masturbation at all, Reading my own post from where I was started and now today. Yes changes has happened 1st in my personality 2nd in my thinking and 3rd concentrating other aspect of life, As you all read my Title Want to be Clever And Smarter Again!! now I can say I have gain some confidence but I think its too early say this, even more challenges are coming toward me, Its just 1st 30 days in 11 years without any P and M, And as per your surprised I never had sex in my entire 24 year of life, I don't even touch a girl.

    Today's Feeling

    Many urges to watch but Zero urges to do masturbation, the good thing is I even had one nightfall which is pretty cool, today many times my heart is willing to go on type the url, I am wishing to creator please wipe out my memory ,I don't want to remember website names, I don't want to remember my past, I wont lie I am feeling energetic and positive, I also want to be serious in my prayer.

    While talking with family and friends I am realizing I am telling dumb things, That doesn't mean I am dumb but I can understand it, from last 11 years sitting alone in room watching non stop porn cut my relation with family and friends, My new strategy is to keep myself calm and I will shut my mouth completely, I want to become silence person for a while (only temporary), I want to concentrate on my rebooting and other things just as a on money and job etc etc. So I have decided myself I will keep quite so I shall be it.
     
  18. weir

    weir Member

    Re: Want to be Clever And Smarter Again!! (completed 30 days w/o PMO)

    Day 31

    Today Is Average day as you know yesterday I had committed about keeping myself silent but today I had fight with my mom it was not so loud but still I cried, I am 24 Years old and I don't know why in the world I am doing immature things, but with my friends I can say I silent myself pretty much, I feel good but still with my home I have to keep my tongue shut.

    On 2nd note about porn urges, today there is a little or no desire to watch porn or do masturbation and also Today I did pray and feel great. Lastly 11 years I have watched mainly in night so not sleeping in night becomes my habit, My next goal is to sleep early and rise early from bed.

    So that's it for today.
     
  19. toxicviper23

    toxicviper23 Guest

    Re: Want to be Clever And Smarter Again!!

    PMO screws you up in EVERY way imaginable! Physically, mentally, emotionally, socially...


    The problem here is simple to solve though... It's just one variable. Stop PMO for good, and allow your life to rebuild itself.



    It takes a lot of time.. Months... perhaps over a year.



    I saw your worried about this reboot since you are getting/or already are married.. I don't think sex will be bad for you, as long as you don't overdo it.


    Besides... too much sex ruins relationships. You burn out all of the passion for eachother. Less sex means that when it does happen, it's more special and fulfilling for the both of you. Tell your wife/fiance that. (Marriage happen already?)


    As long as your not looking at porn and/or masturbating, you're life WILL heal itself :)
     
  20. weir

    weir Member

    Re: Want to be Clever And Smarter Again!!

    I am getting married last week of this month mate, yep I have decided i wont overdue intercourse but reading method karezza.. I will introduce this thing with my future wife, I have confident she can understand and wont cheat me, Thanks to creator I have got knowledge about less sex longer sex :)

    Yep its quite time I am rebooting self, Having great urges but I am fighting!

    #Staying Clean
     

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