Walking on my path

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Pilgrim, Jun 13, 2012.

  1. I-AM-A-MAN

    I-AM-A-MAN I Vow to Never Take Another Peek

    congrats on 45 days and all your positive attitude. Glad to hear you are no longer walking the patch, but riding a bike! haha

    best of luck brother!
  2. Pilgrim

    Pilgrim New Member

    DAY 48

    Thank you very much, I am a man, Astroash, Rc, Gingus & Steffy!

    All your comments are a huge source of power for me.
    Thank you!

    A very good day today.

    I am reconstructing my second marriage.
    When I started this jounal, less than 2 months ago, my marriage had finished.
    Then I travel to other country for working and be there healing my self.
    When I came back home I met my wife and talked about the addiction and how I was feeling well.
    She told me also that when we were separated she discover about her "codependency condition".
    So we became aware that uncounsciously we were hurting each other for many years.
    We love each other but we hurted also.
    To discover this hidden dynamic (addiction and codependency) is changing our relaionship and we decided to give us a chance.

    With a big difference: now we are tottaly aware that I am a porn addict and she is aware of her codependency condition.

    So she is not going to try to "save" me again.

    This is my own process and this is my own responsability.

    And she needs to learn to take care of her life instead of wasting her life trying to "save" other's.

    I am feeling very well with the way my life is changing for better.

    And I am practising having sex with her in a new and totally different way.

    No hurry, no fantasies, more touch, more kissing, more looking and I am not ejaculating.

    This is great! All my sexual energy reminds with me and I can feel it during the day in all my activities.

    And I am discovering an awsome way of having real sex!

    Good luck and keep walking!
  3. pizzaman

    pizzaman New Member

    That sounds great Pilgrim.
    I like to hear how things are progressing for you.

    way to go.

  4. rcfergie5

    rcfergie5 Guest

    All the great things seem to be coming to you, Pilgrim!
  5. Ge87

    Ge87 Guest

    Hi pilgrim,

    I'm looking forward to hear from your karezza experiences you two are about to make.

    Good luck + All the best !

  6. I-AM-A-MAN

    I-AM-A-MAN I Vow to Never Take Another Peek

    karezza has been very good in my relationship. It is really such a simple concept, yet most men would be afraid to forgo orgasm. You will see the bond grow over time and find new ways to express sexuality. it is also a lot of fun!!
  7. hotspur

    hotspur New Member

    Pilgrim, really nice to read how things have improved for you, and in particular how honest you were with your wife and how she accepted you. Best of luck with it all, don't make my mistake and get complacent.. Your journal cheered me up.
  8. steffy78

    steffy78 New Member

    Hiya mate,

    I was wondering how we could possible practise karezza, I'm useless when it comes to sex!!! Incredible coming from a porn addict, but I could do anything I want behind the computer but when I'm with my fiancee apart from having her wear a skirt I'm pretty useless.

    Could karezza be a possible solution for a guy like me? I mean I'm so frightened of real sex that I hardly even touch my fiancee, and God knows how much I'd love to, at times I manage it, but porn has hampered my sex life.

    Well done anyway, that's fabulous it seems that karezza pays dividends so I may have to look into using it.
  9. elchancho

    elchancho Guest

    Hi Pilgrim,
    You're doing great! Just wanna say that reading your journey really inspired me. I am at day 5(for the 5th time) and i want to walk the path to "day infinity". Means no more porn for me.

    I really am happy for you man, keep on walking ;)
  10. Pilgrim

    Pilgrim New Member

    DAY 50

    Hi, Elchancho, I am a man, Steffy, Hotspur, Ge, Rc & Pizzaman!

    Thank you very much for your kind and supporting comments.
    Each word of you is a source of power and encurages me to keep walking.

    Me and my wife were separated for almos 4 months and we were very honest to each other about our conditions.
    I talked about porn addiction, about ybop and so on.
    And she discovered she is a "co dependent".
    This a very well studied condition and many addicted get involved in relationships with co dependent people.
    The co dependent forget his/her own life and his/her only objective is try to "save" the addict (it was first studied with alcoholist but it can be any addiction).

    So, we are giving us a chance.
    It seems to be a new relationship.
    We are now very aware of our conditions.

    It meens I must be aware that I m not going to be "saved" by her of my porn addiction. It is my own responsabilty.
    And she needs to learn that she can do anything to "save" me.

    I strongly reccomend to you who are married or in long term relationship to read about codependency and take a look at the quality of your relationships.

    It is a big challenge for us to come back.

    We like challenges.

    I talked to her about meditation and we are meditating together everyday. Thats very good too!

    And we are also learning to have a different sex together.

    I didnt read too much about karezza. Just a little bit.

    So I dont know if I am doing karezza or not. I think the basic must be ok.

    And I dont know if I can teach about that.

    I am just learning.

    What am I doing? JUst slow sex, no hurry, more kissing, more touching, breath deeply, be very aware at the moment when the orgasm is coming and STOP, control.
    You need to talk with your partner before trying.
    And explain that you are learning to control the ejeculation.
    And you ll need to combine a kind of sign (a word, a touch, use your imagination) when you feel the orgasm is coming.
    This is very important.
    In general is easier for us, men, to get the orgasm.
    Women, commonly, take a bit more.
    So you need to learn to control as well as she willl need to learn to be patient with you when you need to stop.
    It can happen the woman is close to her orgasm and you need to stop.
    Be patient.
    And you probably will need to learn have a more calm sex. NO hurry. Avoid certain positions like doggystyle.
    When you are close to the orgasm you can aslo breath very deeply and let the sexual energy flowing.
    It s like "real edging".

    After a few adjustments in the beggining I think you both will enjoy a lot.

    My first experience was about 2 weeks ago.
    She is loving sex now and has many orgasms.
    We can keep 2 hours or more doing great sex with a few intervals.

    I am realizing that by dont orgasming I am ready for more sex very easily.

    I feel very relax after sex but no lethargy.

    Be away from porn and masturbation and learning this new sex its a blessing for me.

    I reccomend to you to try to learn to control ejeculation.

    Try and learn with your experience.

    Your womand will love it and you too!

    Thank you!
  11. steffy78

    steffy78 New Member


    In a way it's the same with my fiancee apart from the fact that she isn't dependant but she knows about it and is actually supportive!

    So It's also entirely my responsability.

    The massive thing is trying to have sex correctly, you might laugh your head off but I've never done the doggy style, and don't even know much about sexual positions lol!!!I'm talking about real sex!!!

    I think that's quite important, once you get that sorted you're on track.

    Well done mate your progress is immense!
  12. Pilgrim

    Pilgrim New Member

    DAY 51

    Thanks, Steffy!

    Today is a day for me to learn more about this addiction.

    Last days I had very good news. And things are really progressing for me.

    And I dont know why or how but yesterday night my energy level fell suddenly and today I am facing big cravings for watching porn.

    I know I ll resist. That is the god new.

    But the cravings are here. And they are very real.

    I dont know how it works.

    Many days or even many weeks without thinking on porn and suddenly a big craving arises...

    I am trying to earn to associate with something in my life to learn more. I mean something more objective that could conduce me to a craving.

    In my case I am realizing that the worse condition is when I am very tense.

    Last days I am facing two big tensions.

    1- The chalenge of trying to reconstruct my marriage is a big source of tension. Everything is new and we are learning day by day how to deal with our new situation. We are totally aware that we dont want to come to the old patterns of our relationship. But the new is still not clear.

    2- I am feeling that I must move to other country and develop a new professional project. I need to do that.The decision is alredy taken inside of me. The tension is because I dont know how to deal with this situation and the situation of my marriage. And also when to go.

    So...I guess that it s probably these tensions are affecting me.

    Lets go for a new day and keep away from the computer today.

    Thank you!

    Good luck for you, men!
  13. Pedigree

    Pedigree Active Member

    I can understand getting the craving on a bad day but if it came out of nowhere, that's quite scary. Keep your guard up, Pilgrim.
  14. pizzaman

    pizzaman New Member

    Hey Pilgrim-

    this most recent time I relapsed I ended up exercising a lot that day and then not eating enough afterwards.
    i don't know if you ever go long periods in the day without eating but when i do that I feel really agitated and the cravings start coming on really strong.

    i hope you find out why the cravings came on so hard and if you don't well you're sharing about it and that's part of recovery in my opinion.

    hope all is well today.

  15. fullset

    fullset Member

    Hey man I am glad to know that you're seeing the upside with your situation. I think trying to analyze the cravings too much (why did they come, when do they come the most etc) gives it more power over you. Our mind has more intricacies and fallacies than we can fathom. Like you said, the only thing we can do is acknowledge it and let it pass.

    You're over halfway done. Good job and good luck!
  16. steffy78

    steffy78 New Member


    I agree with what pizzaman and fullset said, first of all cravings for porn are part and parcel. We'll all have to face that I don't think there's a single guy around here who would say the contrary - or if so I'd love to know how.

    Secondly as fullset said, you're doing really well in seeing the upside of your situation. You're halfway there and don't look back let it pass you'll pull through but another piece of advice would be NO PEEKING NO EDGING.

    If you manage that then you'll be posting in the success stories very shortly!

    Keep your work up man you're awesome!
  17. I-AM-A-MAN

    I-AM-A-MAN I Vow to Never Take Another Peek

    Did you get too close to the edge during karezza? I did this once early on in learning karezza and it left me an a terrible horny state.
  18. Pilgrim

    Pilgrim New Member

    DAY 53

    Hi, I am a man, Steffy, Fullset, Pizzaman, Pedigree!

    Thanks again for posting here!

    This forum is an amazing help for us to overcome this addiction.

    I am ok. Still tense but no worries about watching porn.

    I spent the weekend at the mountains, hiking, meditating, cooking, thinking.

    Very good.

    I really apreciat your comments. You helped me to understand more what is going on.

    Last Friday the cravings appear very fast and they scary me a little bit.

    As well as I felt the cravings I posted here and then turned off the computer and went out to do somethings so I knew I was on the control of the situation.

    But the cravings were there and they were very strong.

    I know that cravings are part of the process.

    I just want to understand what causes this cravings on me. I think this understanding will help me a lot to feel strong on the process.

    Steffy, you are tottaly right about "no peeking no edging". Thanks for the advice!

    I am a man, I dont know if the cravings are related with no orgasming on real sex. I ll pay attention on that.

    Pizzaman, I also will pay more attention on how I am eating during the day.

    My feeling is that I am facing a strong internal tension.

    And this related with my new situation on my relationship.

    We are trying something new.

    And I really dont have any idea if we will be able to manage to reconstruct our marriage.

    And besides that, I am also listening to my internal voice saying to me to move to other country and experience a new professional project.

    I am meditating and trying to find a way to accept this tension.

    I know that my nature is of being more productive, creative, friendly, kind when I am relaxed.

    Tension is a poison for me.

    Its my nature and I took a long time to understand that and to accept myself for being this way.

    I know we live in a tense world but I am learning that is possible to avoid a lot of tensions.

    So...keep walking, learning something new everyday and step by step.

    Thank you!
  19. steffy78

    steffy78 New Member

    That's the way to do it man, taking things gradually, and taking into account that we will have urges from time to time, but as long as you stand firm and avoid listening to the internal voices too much you're on track.

    Undoubtedly those internal battles are elements on which porn thrives, so while you can't necessarily avoid them, you've got to take as easily as possible.

    Meditate as much as you can, find serenity and make balanced decisions later on. I'm sure you'll make the right ones.

    Take care
  20. pizzaman

    pizzaman New Member

    Keep going Pilgrim!


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